Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Whilst OP was kneeling down for a gentle chat the dog could have bitten the kid! No doubt the parents would have then blamed OP for not pulling him away. It was a spur of the moment reaction to prevent something happening.

After reading this thread I can see why the country is full of horrible entitled people making everything worse for everyone else.... 'gentle ineffectual parenting'

How long before the next 'Why is there such a chronic shortage of masochists people joining the teaching profession?' thread?

Exactly.

Typo. Should have read ‘this’, not ‘us’.

God forbid a mother take a break when her husband and sister are in the child’s presence

She didn't threaten to hit him in the face. She posed a pretty standard rhetorical question to try and get the child to see things from the perspective of the dog. "How would you like it I took your yoghurt?" was something I said to my own toddler yesterday when she snatched another child's snack at a party. I am sure people on mumsnet are too literal for real-world interactions. But above this, if you are not in the room you don't have a choice about how your child is corrected. The answer is to not leave the room, or to accept that you have hadned responsibility to other adults.

if you are not in the room you don't have a choice about how your child is corrected. The answer is to not leave the room, or to accept that you have hadned responsibility to other adults.

Nope. As I said, even if I am not in the room I don’t expect another adult to suggest to my 2 year old that they might hit them in the face. That is not ok whether I am in the room or not.

That presupposes that you agree a mistake has been made. Most people do not agree that OP made a mistake. Therefore, I conclude that it is the sister/BIL who needs to recognise they made a mistake and apologise.

Well she doesn't appear to like how her sister deals with the kid and the father doesn't appear bothered so maybe she should keep a closer eye on him

Nope. As I said, even if I am not in the room I don’t expect another adult to suggest to my 2 year old that they might hit them in the face. That is not ok whether I am in the room or not.

Do you always make things up? OP did not threaten to hit the kid FFS. That would have meant her saying something along the lines of 'I'll hit you in the face if you don't leave the dog alone'. As you're perfectly aware that's not the same as her saying 'how would you like it if I hit you in the face?'. Two totally different meanings.

But the dog was lying minding its own business when it was hit. What was op supposed to do? Know the future and put the dog in a different room?

And as I said, if you're not in the room you can't do much about it. Including knowing whether the tone, words etc were appropriate for the situation.

If someone smacked your child would you say “well if you’re not in the room you can’t to much about it”?

It was also the family dog as well…. Not specifically OPs dog

I wrote:

”I don’t expect another adult to suggest to my 2 year old that they might hit them in the face.”

Thats exactly what OP did. She said “how would you like it if I hit you in the face”.

Jesus Christ, that's not threatening to hit the kid!

If I was OP I'd take the dog and go out next time, I couldn't be bothered with the drama that appears to come with looking after the kid from two parents who can't be arsed.

She said “how would you like it if I hit you in the face” = a suggestion that she might potentially hit him in the face. “If I did x, then..” literally how the English language works.
Of course she had no intention to actually hit him in the face (well presumably) but a 2 year old isn’t to know that .

No suggestion of that at all, what utter nonsense. That phrase was simply to help him think how he wouldn't like it and so nor would the dog - to help him understand how the dog would feel. Perfectly normal and not suggestive of the op doing any actual hitting at all, the 2 year old would've understood that.

And this is why we have so many little shits growing up now because their parents want to just go there there darling, it's not you.

Op 100% did the right thing. She's also teaching him how to behave around pets who can be unpredictable. I bet these sort of people who film a baby pulling an animal's tail and laughing, rather than step in, teach and prevent injury from said animal.

Maybe you should be more angry with the feckless parent who didn't parent? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I think you sound a lovely aunty (and very caring dog owner) ignore the haters.
i think now the dust has settled I’d sent a quick ‘apology’ text to sis.
‘Hi Sis , sorry about yesterday x’
And as I pressed ‘Send’ I’d muttered loudly - Idiot!!!!
Then you can tell mum and dad you’ve apologised and give them a ‘butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth’ smile.
is your sister younger than you?
she does sound a bit precious…. Good luck with your fiat hunting.

I give up. The main thing is that the dog didn't bite the child as the poor dog would have been blamed. I'm sure the child isn't permanently traumatised any more than my friend's kid was when I told him my cat would bite him and scratch him and would be his own fault.

"BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate."

I saw your point of view until I read this.

Yes, the child needed talking to and possibly even supervising a little more than he was.

Yes, it's OK to react in a protective manner.

But it's not OK to take out your frustrations out on your nephew and it very much comes across here that you were frustrated either with your BIL or the way your nephew was being supervised, or both. Maybe with how he and your sister parent altogether?

You admitted that you were cross. What were you cross with? Who were you cross with, and on reflection, could you have treated your 2 year old nephew a little gentler?

You may not agree with the way your sister and her partner parent their child but you were also an adult in the building with a toddler. Toddlers need supervision consistently and constantly - with or without a dog present but particularly more so with an animal around too.

The picture you paint is where perhaps the toddler wasn't being supervised correctly and you took frustration out on him because of his parents.

Don't fall out with them.

You may feel you've not done anything wrong but they are family. Family is precious.

Reflecting on this and explaining your frustration may help.

Put it back on the parents. How can we all stop this (the toddler hitting the dog) from happening again? Explain calmly why you don't want it to happen again.

This way the parents may see your point of view too.

Best of luck!

It’s obvious who on this thread didn’t learn in school about the subjunctive.

No suggestion of that at all

She said “if I hit you in the face”.
how is that “no suggestion of that at all”.

Do you speak English 😂.

bizarre.