Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Batshit.

Stopping an unprovoked attack on an animal is "putting them above a human being" is it? A human's "right" to hit animals comes first a foremost, for you?

I bet you're an animal abuser, and raised your kids to think that it's okay to beat animals too. People like you a wicked.

(I'm just illustrating that ridiculous hyperbole can work both ways...)

I can just imagine how badly behaved the kids of some posters are! They seem to think children shouldn’t be told no.

OK, I get why you were angry and maybe the parents feel you over reacted.

However! As an owner of 3 large dogs and a regular fosterer I completely understand your response. I have a nearly 9yo youngest dd at home and my nearly 3yo dgd. We have very clear rules on how to treat the dogs and how to expect them to treat us.

My children and now grandchild have all grown up around dogs and can be taught appropriate behaviour and care from a very early age. So no, nearly 3 is not to young to understand. Mutual respect is key.

Yous sis and BIL would soon moan of the dog, roused from a nap but a sudden smack on the head or multiple smacks if you hadnt intervened; had.... growled, snapped or jumped up knocking the tot over.

And the child won't learn if not appropriately supervised and clear boundaries set.

They need to get over themselves and consider the alternatives.

You did nothing wrong. Your BIL should not have been letting a 2 year old get so close to a dog and if the dog had reacted it could have been a completely different situation.
As far as apologising you absolutely don't own them one but you'd probably feel better if you cleared the air. So maybe try and have a talk to your sister and explain you didn't have time to think. Remind her of of all the situations where children have been mauled by animals after being left unsupervised with them,. Even the most placid dog can turn on a baby and responsible parents know this. Her husband was being irresponsible by allowing your nephew to get so close to the dog and you acted on instinct. Although perhaps day g he was irresponsible might not be the most diplomatic thing g to say!!!
You aren't the bad guy here and your sister is being very petty but maybe take the lead and smooth things over with a few carefully chosen words so you can all move on.

What the hell has that little rant got to do with some kid being told off for hitting an elderly, sleeping dog who did absolutely nothing wrong?

What have your musings on scatalogocial beastaility got to do with the thread?

Please keep your fetishes more private.

Yeah a slapped backside would have been better! Get a grip.

This is a difficult one to vote on and answer because there are many parts to it.

1. The 2 yo’s dad should have been supervising him and should have been the one to step in once he had hit the dog. You say you “ran” so sounds like you were further away than dad too!
2. A child does need to be taught not to hit animals and to be gentle, because as you say dogs can snap at children and hurt them - and because it isn’t kind of course to torment them.
3. the way you dealt with it was OTT for a 2 yo (or even a 3 yo!).

You got physical with a young child and your language was scary for a toddler, you called a child mean for doing things that small children do. If you think that your nephew isn’t being supervised properly by his father you take it up with him. It sounds like you behaved like a child instead of a mature adult. YABU

That dogs are DIRTY and it's about time people stop treating them better than humans, let alone a THREE year old toddler!

Not a fetish, seems like I touched a nerve. Dog owners are willing to have their dirty dogs in their bed, kiss and lick them with affection, but can't forgive a THREE YEAR OLD toddler (who does not understand right from wrong) in hitting said beast, without getting riled up about it. The only animal that self domesticated itself through history were cats. Humans (specifically the English) domesticated dogs to the point we let them sleep on our beds, give kisses, prioritise them over humans when dogs are not made for that. And noas can be seen, these same dogs we have domesticated are ruining family relationships.

No nerves touched - I'm not nor have I ever been a dog owner, nor do I consider myself a dog-lover (in any sense...). It is weird that you've introduced performing sex acts on dogs and licking shit into a conversation where it's of no relevance. Makes you come accross like a bit of a beatiality/poo troll.

And nothing in the thread suggests that a toddler should not be "forgiven".

Presumably, any decent human being would want to educate their child that hurting animals is wrong. Doesnt matter if the animal is wild, dometic, dog, cat, pigeon or other. Similarly, I think any decent, attentive parent would intervene if they saw their young child hitting an animal. The OP - not herself a parent - intervened (in the absence of adequate parental supervision) with an approach that'd probably be better for a 5-6 year old (and, even then, might not be welcomed by a parent).

The child was not harmed, nor even upset. The dog is not "ruining family relationships". A parent is disagreeing with how a non-parent handled an instance of undesirable behaviour. We've seen similar threads many a time where a non-parent intervenes where a child is hitting another child, breaking things, or exhibiting some other unwanted behavior, and the parent objects to the manner of the intervention.

Clearly, if you're not a troll, you're just someone who hates dogs to an extreme degree and wanted to get that off your chest in a bit of a weird way. Either way, your posts are...well, quite something...

I don't think people should be felatting dogs OR kids...hope that helps.

(And that your kids are safe).

Hungover … overtired a bit grumpy , I’d say you potentially overreacted , ok for the rest of it “ how would you like it if I hit you with a coaster” come on seriously it’s a 2 year old ! As much as you say you’re protective over your animal dog remember your sister is over her human child, the one that she made , grew and carried for a year less than 3 years ago ! think you dealt with it wrongly and a “ we don’t do that to lucky , that would make him sad if you hurt him “ would have sufficed , I’m all for standing firm on a decision but on this occasion you need to back down and acknowledge you didn’t deal with the situation in the correct way and this is not a 6 year old we are talking about .

What a bloody storm in a teacup

It was fine what you did op, if the dad was so bloody offended he should have parented

The toddler is fine, don't worry about it. Of course don't apologise, your batshit sister will never let up if you do so and she needs to be taught a lesson about not being such an annoying arsehole parent, and her husband needs to be taught a lesson about actually parenting him.

Lucky the dog didn't bite the kid, and the kid won't do it again since someone actually reprimanded him.

If it was really about stopping the dog getting hit a second time you would have lifted your nephew and moved him away from the dog explaining that it’s not ok to hit lucky, take the coaster away or you could have moved the boy a little back by getting in between him and the dog which would have stopped the kid getting at him again because you and your arm would of been in the way then explain he’s sleeping and then say we don’t hit rather than just grab his arm, hold it for long enough for his dad to notice and say how would you like it which just highlights how ‘cross’ you were. You’ve acted on impulse same as your nephew, you seem to think you were allowed to be cross at him but your sister is not allowed to be angry with how you handled her kid.

your reaction was poor and if your under your parents roof I’d suggest you apologise or find somewhere else to go because i don’t blame your sister not wanting you around her baby

And yeah, what a huge overreaction about absolutely fuck all. Most Mumsnetters are enormously privileged, cossetted and ignorant of any real life struggles. Anyone who thinks this matters, at all, is clueless and too far gone to ever stop having the vapours over absolutely nothing.

@Justamum22 and yet it was the child’s actual parents whose supervision was so lax that they didn’t notice their toddler was about to hit an elderly sleeping dog over the head with an object, something that could end in even the most placid of dogs biting the child or worse.

I agree kids need to be taught and parents should be keeping a closer eye on a toddler around a dog. However, how old is toddler? You said too many things and let yourself get angry so the message will have been lost. I think removing the child (not by the arm) and saying we don’t hit ‘Lucky’ would have been sufficient. I think you do owe an apology for overstepping with a child isn’t yours but you could also ask your sister how she would like you to handle these things. Surely you’ve seen your sister’s parenting style?

Most Mumsnetters are enormously privileged, cossetted and ignorant of any real life struggles

eek! I am guessing you aren’t in the best of positions 😥

Eek, I didn't know they let you use the internet in psychiatric institutions Baby Reindeer, or should I say Daisy 😅😂😅

I don't think you did anything wrong OP. If you had time to plan the perfectly worded response I think you could have used different language- but you reacted spontaneously to a child hurting an animal and adverted a potentially dangerous situation for the child. Your nephew obviously was not upset by the incident in the slightest so I think those suggesting he may be traumatised are being disingenuous.
For what it's worth your BIL sounds like he has deliberately stirred up a family argument over nothing and that would really wind me up. However, for the sake of your parents I would probably just apologise to your sister, while explaining that you did not 'yank' her child's arm...