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Original poster

Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

994 replies

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:06

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

OP posts:
alwaysamused · 11/05/2025 07:45

Rubes24 · 11/05/2025 07:26

I don't think you did anything wrong OP. If you had time to plan the perfectly worded response I think you could have used different language- but you reacted spontaneously to a child hurting an animal and adverted a potentially dangerous situation for the child. Your nephew obviously was not upset by the incident in the slightest so I think those suggesting he may be traumatised are being disingenuous.
For what it's worth your BIL sounds like he has deliberately stirred up a family argument over nothing and that would really wind me up. However, for the sake of your parents I would probably just apologise to your sister, while explaining that you did not 'yank' her child's arm...

Agree with the rest, but definitely disagree with the apology. Her sister is trying to bully her into an apology for doing nothing wrong using her mother in an emotionally abusive fashion as the meat in the sandwich.

I think OP should say something like "Well, sis, you know the old saying let sleeping dogs lie? Next time make sure one of you is watching the kid around the dog and aunty won't have to step in at all."

And then I would just keep repeating "Let's let sleeping dogs lie". Ad infinitum, to anybody who mentions it, till they move on from this non event.

There is no way her sister won't visit her mum again, not a chance.

SnugMintFawn · 11/05/2025 07:52

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 10/05/2025 22:58

I can just imagine how badly behaved the kids of some posters are! They seem to think children shouldn’t be told no.

I don’t think anyone on this entire thread has said the child shouldn’t have been told no…

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/05/2025 08:00

LivelyPinkOrca · 10/05/2025 23:55

That dogs are DIRTY and it's about time people stop treating them better than humans, let alone a THREE year old toddler!

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So it would have been better to let the dog bite the kid? The dog who was asleep, minding his own business and doing nothing wrong? The dog who would have no doubt been blamed if he had snapped.

All your posts prove is that you are a very disturbed individual and I hope you don’t have kids or pets

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/05/2025 08:01

SnugMintFawn · 11/05/2025 07:52

I don’t think anyone on this entire thread has said the child shouldn’t have been told no…

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They seem to think OP did something wrong though when all she did was stop her nephew hitting the dog while his useless father did nothing.

Rosscameasdoody · 11/05/2025 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you OK hun ?

Rosscameasdoody · 11/05/2025 08:28

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 11/05/2025 06:41

I agree kids need to be taught and parents should be keeping a closer eye on a toddler around a dog. However, how old is toddler? You said too many things and let yourself get angry so the message will have been lost. I think removing the child (not by the arm) and saying we don’t hit ‘Lucky’ would have been sufficient. I think you do owe an apology for overstepping with a child isn’t yours but you could also ask your sister how she would like you to handle these things. Surely you’ve seen your sister’s parenting style?

Surely you’ve seen your sister’s parenting style?

Which appears to be chatting in another room while other people look after her kid.

Rosscameasdoody · 11/05/2025 08:31

LivelyPinkOrca · 10/05/2025 23:59

Not a fetish, seems like I touched a nerve. Dog owners are willing to have their dirty dogs in their bed, kiss and lick them with affection, but can't forgive a THREE YEAR OLD toddler (who does not understand right from wrong) in hitting said beast, without getting riled up about it. The only animal that self domesticated itself through history were cats. Humans (specifically the English) domesticated dogs to the point we let them sleep on our beds, give kisses, prioritise them over humans when dogs are not made for that. And noas can be seen, these same dogs we have domesticated are ruining family relationships.

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May l suggest a nice sit down with a cup of tea and a sleeping tablet.

CinnamonBuns67 · 11/05/2025 08:40

I don't think you are being unreasonable as your dog could have decided enough is enough and bit your nephew so whilst yes you could have done better I understand the reaction because what could have happened would have been much worse.

As for apologising to your sister, I would as you do live with your parents and they could decide that as your sister won't come over you and/or the dog need to go. I would just apologise for how you did it. However, I'd also explain you did it as 1. Not fair for the dog to get hit 2. Concern that your animal could snap and hurt nephew and 3. Because BIL wasn't doing anything about it so you had to step in.

Goldbar · 11/05/2025 08:41

There is a lot of exaggeration on this thread. Children will be children and they will have their moments but that does not make them "brats", it just means they have their moments.

Dogs will be dogs and, whether you like them or not, they're an incredibly popular family pet. And when we keep dogs as pets in our families, it's our responsibility to ensure their wellbeing and protect them, including from rogue toddlers brandishing coasters.

It would have been a shame if harm had come to either child or dog but the OP's actions, although we may disagree with the detail, prevented that. I'm sure the kiddo won't bear a grudge even if his aunt was heavy-handed - it will all be forgotten by the next time she's buying him ice cream.

The real lesson from this situation is that dogs and toddlers don't mix unless both dog owners and toddler owners are on the ball and supervising constantly. My child would never get near enough to a dog without me right next to them to even think about launching an exploratory coaster attack. So if you have a dog and a toddler in the same room, engrossing yourself in the Sunday papers isn't really an option, unfortunately.

alwaysamused · 11/05/2025 08:44

CinnamonBuns67 · 11/05/2025 08:40

I don't think you are being unreasonable as your dog could have decided enough is enough and bit your nephew so whilst yes you could have done better I understand the reaction because what could have happened would have been much worse.

As for apologising to your sister, I would as you do live with your parents and they could decide that as your sister won't come over you and/or the dog need to go. I would just apologise for how you did it. However, I'd also explain you did it as 1. Not fair for the dog to get hit 2. Concern that your animal could snap and hurt nephew and 3. Because BIL wasn't doing anything about it so you had to step in.

It's the family dog, belonging to her parents. And no, they are not going to kick their daughter out because their other daughter is throwing a shit fit for no good reason 😅Not to mention, the sister is definitely NOT going to stay away, she's just trying to throw her weight around.

EagerPlayer · 11/05/2025 08:47

You way overreacted. And now your sister is too.
What a drama. Poor grandparents.

Kazzybingbong · 11/05/2025 08:48

I actually think we’re all missing the crucial part of this - your tone.

Did you angrily grab and yank his arm or did you panic that your dog would get hurt and quickly react, therefore yanking his arm in an attempt to protect your dog?

Did you say ‘how would you like it if I hit you in the face’ angrily and aggressively or more calmly, a genuine question?

An almost three year old has little impulse control and they do things like this to see what will happen, to learn. He wasn’t doing it to be naughty or nasty so you do have to remember that. But also you’re not a parent so it’s understandable that all this didn’t go through your head prior to your dog almost getting hit.

I’d be upset if it was the first situation, not so much the second.

maxandru · 11/05/2025 08:49

Unrelated38 · 10/05/2025 06:16

So 2. The number before 3 is 2. You threatened a 2 year old. 🤣

For future reference, you take the coaster away nicely and say "no that's not kind, it hurts, we don't hurt animals."

You don't grab at children, or shout a them. Or threaten to hit them.

Personally I wouldn't be leaving my child unsupervised around you.

Edited
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This.

do you have children ? I have 3 children (4y, 11m, 11m) and 2 dogs, and am very clear with my children about not bothering the dogs, but would not be yanking their arms unless I thought they were in danger.

It sounds like you yanked his arm because you were angry, not because you were protecting his safety. This is very different. You should not be taking your anger out on a two-year-old, who is, frankly, just being a two-year-old. If I were your sister, I would be more worried than angry at you, and would certainly not be leaving my child with you unattended.

That said, BiL sounds like he needs a firework put up him.

Lostcat · 11/05/2025 08:52

Katbum · 10/05/2025 22:09

Anyone who doesn't want family members or other present adults to discipline their child should be actively supervising their child at all times, and intervening when their child(ren) step out of line. If I am at an event with children present (usually family children) I consider it my responsibility to handle situations in my sightlinewhere a child needs correcting. (I'm not talking about big discipline here: but 'No. Don't spray that squirt gun in the cat's face again or you will be in trouble.'/'Share nicely, it's Mimi's turn to play with the truck now', grabbing a child away from danger e.g. a hotplate, a sleeping dog and sharply telling them 'no! That's not how we behave' etc. is perfectly normal). In this cirumstance what the OP described is fine. If she in any way shouted at or physically harmed the child that is not appropriate but a stern telling off is right. Children need to learn boundaries and if their own parents do not want to be actively watching and correcting (which is what a 2 year old needs, especially around a dog) then they have consented to other adults doing so. This is the attitude I take with my child, and as my DH rightly pointed out when I got a bit annoyed with the way an aunt disciplined my child, 'if you don't want other people telling her off their way, don't take a backseat and give them the responsibilty of watching her.'

Edited

Even if I’m not in the room, I don’t expect other adults to suggest to my 2 year old that they might hit them in the face. Or to accuse them of being “mean”.

You can call this “discipline” if you like, I call it a threat of physical violence, and a form of verbal abuse. It’ll be a hard no from me in any context.

CharlieEffie · 11/05/2025 09:16

Okay so your words and tone may not have been the best but NTA. The A is your BIL who 1) didn't bother parenting his child 2) when you apparently 'went overboard' he said nothing and instead ran to your sister to make her deal with it. What a guy!

JandamiHash · 11/05/2025 09:34

So it’s not ok for a 2yo - who doesn’t know what he’s doing - to hit a dog with a light household object but you can manhandle a small child and that’s justifiable?

Ok then.

JandamiHash · 11/05/2025 09:35

Lostcat · 11/05/2025 08:52

Even if I’m not in the room, I don’t expect other adults to suggest to my 2 year old that they might hit them in the face. Or to accuse them of being “mean”.

You can call this “discipline” if you like, I call it a threat of physical violence, and a form of verbal abuse. It’ll be a hard no from me in any context.

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Spot on.

A “No Luke we don’t hit the dog with things” and taking it off him would have sufficed.

What a tremendous emotionally charged reaction from the OP.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/05/2025 09:40

JandamiHash · 11/05/2025 09:34

So it’s not ok for a 2yo - who doesn’t know what he’s doing - to hit a dog with a light household object but you can manhandle a small child and that’s justifiable?

Ok then.

So she should have left the kid there and let him do it again?

My friend's kid had form for pulling the ears and tails of animals. When they visited he wanted to see my cat. I said it was ok but he wasn't to touch him as if he hurt him the cat would bite and scratch and hurt him back and it would be his own fault. The kid wasn't traumatised and was always very respectful to my cat after that. I've no idea what his mother thought of it but there was no way my cat was getting the blame for defending himself which is what would have happened if the dog had bitten OP's nephew.

JandamiHash · 11/05/2025 09:43

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/05/2025 09:40

So she should have left the kid there and let him do it again?

My friend's kid had form for pulling the ears and tails of animals. When they visited he wanted to see my cat. I said it was ok but he wasn't to touch him as if he hurt him the cat would bite and scratch and hurt him back and it would be his own fault. The kid wasn't traumatised and was always very respectful to my cat after that. I've no idea what his mother thought of it but there was no way my cat was getting the blame for defending himself which is what would have happened if the dog had bitten OP's nephew.

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So the only 2 choices are to grab and scare or a child or do nothing?

Im suggesting somewhere inbetween.

I think what you said was perfectly fine!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/05/2025 09:46

JandamiHash · 11/05/2025 09:43

So the only 2 choices are to grab and scare or a child or do nothing?

Im suggesting somewhere inbetween.

I think what you said was perfectly fine!

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Better to grab him than he get bitten because the dog was woken up and the dog getting the blame. I'm sure he'll get over his scare, that's if he was even scared.

Mayhooray · 11/05/2025 09:53

I dont know tbh. Did you possibly jump in before your BIL even had a chance to say anything? That would explain why you assume that he should parent better? This kind of sounds like an incident that happened with my SIL and Son where she tried to be the parent even though I was right there, before I knew it she had yanked his little arm, smacked him on the bum and said “No we do not do that!) it was not dog related, but I was like, errm excuse me?! What the hell do you think you are doing? I am here, I am the parent, I will deal with it accordingly, theres a good chance your BIL would have done something had you not swooped in.

Mayhooray · 11/05/2025 09:58

Mayhooray · 11/05/2025 09:53

I dont know tbh. Did you possibly jump in before your BIL even had a chance to say anything? That would explain why you assume that he should parent better? This kind of sounds like an incident that happened with my SIL and Son where she tried to be the parent even though I was right there, before I knew it she had yanked his little arm, smacked him on the bum and said “No we do not do that!) it was not dog related, but I was like, errm excuse me?! What the hell do you think you are doing? I am here, I am the parent, I will deal with it accordingly, theres a good chance your BIL would have done something had you not swooped in.

Also there is a small difference between knowing the child is about to be bitten by a peeved dog, yes of course you would be right to swoop him away then, but you sound as if you were very heavy handed here.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/05/2025 09:59

Mayhooray · 11/05/2025 09:53

I dont know tbh. Did you possibly jump in before your BIL even had a chance to say anything? That would explain why you assume that he should parent better? This kind of sounds like an incident that happened with my SIL and Son where she tried to be the parent even though I was right there, before I knew it she had yanked his little arm, smacked him on the bum and said “No we do not do that!) it was not dog related, but I was like, errm excuse me?! What the hell do you think you are doing? I am here, I am the parent, I will deal with it accordingly, theres a good chance your BIL would have done something had you not swooped in.

The problem is though a dog can react very quickly so there wasn't time for BIL to actually engage with his kid. The person who noticed it dealt with it which is surely the right way to deal with it. I wouldn't risk a kid being bitten and the poor dog being PTS, I'd rather upset the kids useless parents.

Peripissedoff · 11/05/2025 09:59

Honestly some of these mums are crazy.. all this nicely nicely correcting does my head in 🙄. We have a dog and my daughter (now 8) knows not to disturb her when sleeping. Your nephew may be a toddler but a sleeping dog woken like that no matter how well behaved the dog is could result in the dog being woken scared and that’s when biting happens. Not only that wtf was his dad doing and why wasn’t he watching him with the dog. You did nothing wrong and if it was my sister I’d be telling her next time her husband can look after his child properly then this won’t happen. You’ve not over reacted or said anything wrong in my opinion .. the child needs to learn otherwise they’ll do it again. Poor Dog xx

Mayhooray · 11/05/2025 10:07

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/05/2025 09:59

The problem is though a dog can react very quickly so there wasn't time for BIL to actually engage with his kid. The person who noticed it dealt with it which is surely the right way to deal with it. I wouldn't risk a kid being bitten and the poor dog being PTS, I'd rather upset the kids useless parents.

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This is true, but it does not sound like she was rushing to save the child from a dog bite, it sounds like she was rushing to protect the dog. In future, maybe placing your elderly dog in a safe place when you know your nephew will be visiting? This will save your elderly dog being “hounded” by an inquisitive toddler and also protect toddler from potential harm.