Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Yes the father should have been watching the child and intervened but that doesn't make your reaction reasonable. Also you may not have had responsibility for the child but you did for the dog. So yes you do have to share some of the responsibility for keeping the dog away from the toddler to allow the dog to sleep in peace.

Kid is 2. I highly doubt he’s learnt anything. He’ll be very likely to bash the dog on the head at the next opportunity unless someone stops him, because that is what toddlers are like.

No, it’s the father’s responsibility to watch HIS child particularly if there is a dog in the room! I’d not be apologising for the laziness of the child’s father! What would the outcome have been if the child had been bitten? The OP is in a no win situation!

Rubbish! The parents are responsible for controlling their child when there is a dog present! The dog was minding its own business and the child hit the dog. I’m sure this isn’t the first time they have visited with the dog present, so need to take responsibility for their child!

I think so yes - because it’s just easier. And if OP had just said, I was worried Lucky might have jumped up suddenly and knocked toddler so I pulled him back and was a bit agitated cos it happened suddenly and I was just suddenly worried he may have been nipped .. her sister would be grateful not angry … Just easier… 😃

Provided it does not have a history of aggression (which does not seem to be the case), then there's no need to keep a dog and a toddler separated.

There is a need to prevent toddlers from hitting dogs. The child's parent failed in that respect, OP promptly intervened. The shitty parents just don't like the way it was done.

I think you’re a responsible dog owner for standing up for your pup. My 7-year-old nephew did something similar once. He kept pulling my dog’s tail and paws. My dog was so frightened that I eventually told my nephew, ‘This is her home, and you’re a guest. If you can’t be kind to her, you’ll have to leave.’

My daughter is the same age. At this age they simply can’t control impulses and they definitely don’t have the capacity to understand empathy.

You definitely overreacted. I get it, our dog is 14. She is sometimes too rough and I use a stern voice if she does.

You do need to apologise. Toddlers move fast and I’m guessing you moved in quickly as soon as it happened. BIL probably didn’t feel comfortable saying something to you at the time.

So what? So it’s not IHBU.

My original statement still stands. She needs to draw boundaries so she’s not angry when in the presence of a toddler. She doesn’t know, or isn’t able to practice appropriate age & stage interventions. That’s my advice, BIL or no BIL. And my advice to the op, not you, so not sure why you’re getting your knickers in a twist over it ☺️

I would say that your sorry she feels it was over board, however she she should be speaking to her husband about why he did not discipline their child instantly meaning you would not of had too. Then point out that surely its better you are slightly over board now if it stops the child doing it again, as next time it may be a younger dog your nephew hits and possibly with something harder, in which case the next dog may not take it so kindly and could hurt their child be that knocking him over to get away or even biting. She might see it a little differently.

Maybe you could say "I'm very sorry, next time I will do the same as the father, absolutely nothing"

Or, perhaps "I didn't yank anyone anywhere thanks, but I realise I'm very much in the wrong for stepping in, and in future will do the right thing, which is simply wait for your husband to notice he needs to 'yank' his child's head out of a dog's mouth"

This is what used to annoy me whenever I spent time with my brother, SIL, niece and parents all together; I felt like I was left to do the parenting while they all had a chat or did other stuff! I now see them separately lol. The other parent should have told the child off. Maybe point this out to them and reiterate that Lucky is an elderly dog, and children should be supervised around all animals.

Then spineless slacker BIL shouldn’t have said anything at all.

Eh you clearly don’t have kids!! Just a ridiculous and over the top response…

I wouldn't be apologising, BIL should be apologising for letting his kid hit a sleeping dog in the first place. No doubt if he'd snapped the poor dog would get the blame

Why??

This is why toddlers should be kept away from dogs, the toddler probably won’t have ‘learnt his lesson’ from one telling off. He is too young to understand how to be safe around a dog. Young children can often shriek or make sudden movements that can startle a dog. They should not be in the same room in my opinion.

I'm surprised I made it to adulthood in that case, we always had dogs and cats at home. Presumably the difference was my parents actually parented me. Maybe people like OP's BIL should try it.

You threatened a toddler!
What a nice auntie you are, if you were my daughter and refused to apologise you'd be given an eviction notice!

Parent here and dog owner. Gentle parenting is a load of tosh. You did right. They need to learn it's dangerous to attack animals. The kid was not harmed by you and I'm sure he's heard worse from the adults speaking around him.
Sister is trying to manipulate an apology by refusing to visit.

A grown adult living at home rent free, hungover on the sofa
You're definitely the golden child!

Why?

what a horrible aunt. the dog is a dog at the end of the day, it’s more likely to post a risk on the child than the child on the dog. the child is a toddler fgs. you essentially placed the dog above the human being. very odd and bitter.

Anyone who doesn't want family members or other present adults to discipline their child should be actively supervising their child at all times, and intervening when their child(ren) step out of line. If I am at an event with children present (usually family children) I consider it my responsibility to handle situations in my sightlinewhere a child needs correcting. (I'm not talking about big discipline here: but 'No. Don't spray that squirt gun in the cat's face again or you will be in trouble.'/'Share nicely, it's Mimi's turn to play with the truck now', grabbing a child away from danger e.g. a hotplate, a sleeping dog and sharply telling them 'no! That's not how we behave' etc. is perfectly normal). In this cirumstance what the OP described is fine. If she in any way shouted at or physically harmed the child that is not appropriate but a stern telling off is right. Children need to learn boundaries and if their own parents do not want to be actively watching and correcting (which is what a 2 year old needs, especially around a dog) then they have consented to other adults doing so. This is the attitude I take with my child, and as my DH rightly pointed out when I got a bit annoyed with the way an aunt disciplined my child, 'if you don't want other people telling her off their way, don't take a backseat and give them the responsibilty of watching her.'

Point me to where OP says she lives rent free. I can’t find it anywhere.