Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

That’s completely idiotic.

Unless I had just hit someone else in the face over a parking bay??

Try harder, hun.

You asked a question, you don't like the responses and are being quite aggressive in your replies.
You could have handled this a lot better.

No problem have got my back up by calling me things like an abuser, bully, aggressive etc.

I am allowed to defend myself. Even if people don’t like how I come off.

It's not about modern parenting. It's that you used words that would get your ass kicked in a car park with an adult. If you are smart enough to not say that to an adult, you know not to say it to a two year old.

Yes, your bil should have done his job. But he didn't.

So tell your sister that you're sorry he's crap and you stepped in and you got it very wrong but he needs to stop it next time.

‘Yank’ was in inverted commas. Meaning OP was accused of it by the seemingly useless father who sat around while this was happening. She says she didn’t actually yank his arm - just moved it out of the way.

It literally isn't.

Even the argument you are making concedes that it literally isn't, or you wouldn't have to talk about perception.

You sister and her husband owe you an apology. They did not supervise their child properly and let him be abusive toward an animal. If they don't step in, this is only going to get worse as he gets older. He is now old and big enough that could cause an animal pain, but doesn't have the understanding not to and his parents aren't teaching him.

People always grab children's arms when they are about to do something that isn't safe.

the amount of parents who “wouldn’t like it if you spoke to my child like that” “wouldn’t leave you around my child” “disgusting how you threatened a 2 year old” they’re exactly the kinda parents who kids are more often that not little brats.

the dad was in the room and didn’t correct his kid.

kid in your house, smacking your dog with a useless parent. Yea I’d have dealt similarly

if you wouldn’t like your kids spoken to like that, don’t raise bratty kids who have no respect for discipline or boundaries

hope doggy is ok 🥰

So apologise that maybe your reaction wasn’t quite right, that that’s understandable as you don’t have children, point out that you were just trying to protect your dog and move on.

Some of the responses on here are utter bat shit. I would not worry about it OP, the kid is fine, no harm done. It could have been a lot worse if the dog had snapped at the kid. Your sister will calm down, just ignore her until then.

Getting it very wrong would’ve been not stepping in and allowing the child to continue until he was bitten. I think we’re losing sight of that. And no-one would have been kicking anyone’s ass in a car park for using words in the heat of the moment to prevent a child from doing something likely to harm them. That’s just ridiculous.

It's cos you're a woman, OP.

Daddy-of-the-Year can sit on his lazy arse and do feck all in this situation (except snitch to his wife) but you need to your exert your inner #BeKind at all times - even in stressful, unexpected, time-critical situations.

It would also have been YOUR fault if the child had been bitten. Internalised misogyny is alive and kicking on MN.

You were too aggressive. A child of nearly 3 won't simply do what he has been told all the time and probably had no thought that the dog could be hurt or startled. Probably just wanted it's attention. It also wouldn't have been badly hurt by a toddler wielding a coaster. I'd have worried more about what the dog might do to the child.

And, yes generally, parents feel very protective of their children and resent others telling them off. Why didn't you alert your bil?

How did a 12 year old dog suddenly become 14 years old?

@Mmemm but you’re not the parent, and have expressly said you never want to be one.

You were in a situation of defending your elderly dog and hungover, so maybe you didn’t react the best, but going forward you should probably have a boundary yourself that you don’t touch your nephew when you’re angry, nor should you discipline him as you don’t know appropriate age/stage interventions.

Pretty easy to manage the situation without going overboard. Why the need to tell the child off so aggressively? He’s only just not a baby he’s not 6.

“Don’t hit the dog x he’s asleep and we need to be gentle with him”.

A bit OTT for a two year old but you were right to intervene. The next dog might not be so placid.
I think your sister is being a bit OTT for what it's worth. And you BIL is an arsehole.

You want to think about that fact you said ‘how would you like it if I hit you on the face?’ to a toddler.

Yes agreed. In this scenario - the only person therefor who is not required to be in a supervisory role was OP. Parents didn’t supervise child and Grandparents didn’t supervise their dog. All supervision of both was then left to OP - so even if her response was not Jo Frost perfect - she should never been in that position.

I’ve already said it was a typo.

Gosh, this thread is rather demonstrating why primary teachers may be having problems, isn't it?

When I was a kid random adults would often step in and tell you what they thought of your behaviour. And generally speaking your parents would side with them...

Perception and context is exactly what makes something a threat. A threat is something that in a given context could be reasonably perceived/ received as threatening. Nobody has a window into someone else’s intentions - especially not a 2 year old!

This. It’s not the fact that you told him off, it’s the way you did it and the words you said.
So apologise for that, but you can also point out that the dad should have said something himself and that it was necessary for you to let the child know that what he did was wrong so that he didn’t hurt or provoke the dog again, although now you appreciate that the way you went about it was not the right way.

It is not even similar. The equivalent would be a man saying “How would you like it if I jumped into that parking space when I could see that you’d been waiting much longer than me?” (ie. challenging you to reflect on your own action.)

The child hit the dog in the face. OP asked the child to consider how they would feel if they’d been hit in the face. That is not unkind. I can’t see anything that OP did wrong (aside from expecting a two year old to control their actions). Her reaction was perfectly appropriate. I can see why so many children grow up to be feral brats with this current trend of sappy parenting.