Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

@Rosscameasdoodyyouve misunderstood my post. I was replying to a pp who asked whether I would ask a male sibling if they generally had a close relationship to the child. To clarify, I would. And I ask that, not because OP is female, but because the relationship between the nephew and OP, will have some bearing on whether I think the sister is overreacting or not. If the sister knows her child is loved by the OP, it's easier to deal with this as a one off incident. If the sister feels it's part of a wider issue then it's a different scenario.

@KarmaKameelion I don't recall ever saying that OP owes her sister childcare, but actually I do think siblings owe it to each other to try and build good bonds with each others' children, if the siblings generally get along and will see each other frequently.

I do agree that this is a shit show of bil's making and that it is not OPs job to mind the child unless she specifically agrees to do so.

The kid is lucky the dog is nice, this could easily have ended with a nasty bite. I'm with you OP, we can't be patient and perfect all the time. Nephew won't even remember this anyway

In apostrophes… her sister accused her of ‘yanking’ but she clearly states she did not. It is explained in the op

So in this scenario the woman has hit someone in the face? Not quite getting this.

Well, some people are saying she went too far.

58% of voters currently think she was NBU. Ironic you didn't pick that up given your username.

I thought you were going to say he was 5 or 6. I would think then it was a bit harsh, but probably deserved and would have got your point across.

But he’s not even 3?! He doesn’t fully understand. BIL should definitely have been more observant and told him not to, but I would say you did overreact, based purely on his age.

But the dad couldn’t be arsed to be a proper parent, (which surely the mum knows given she’s married to him) and sounds like the mom can’t either.

All this ‘apology’ crap for a child that hit a sleeping dog. You can bet if the dog had reacted - which it almost certainly would have done eventually - the sister and bIL would have demanded it be PTS.

It’s OP’s nephew and not her niece. If you're going to level completely unfounded and totally batshit accusations at OP you might want to make sure you at least have the relevant details right. Otherwise it tends to make you look like just another MN twat posting to vent and project regardless of the actual issue.

Dog is 12. Typo my bad. Nephew is 2 and 8 ish months

Then it’s too bad its parents didn’t “appropriately” handle the situation.

Bottom line is if parents are going to expect us villagers to do their jobs for them, they’d better be prepared to take what they get and not second guess.

Don’t dream of apologizing, OP. It’s they who owe you one.

Why would you yank his arm? There are so many ways that you could've handled that better.

You said it was your dog initially, but now it seems that it is actually your parents. You mentioned that you had a hangover. It sounds as though you are more protective of the dog rather than the potential reaction and danger to the child.
You don't sound very old or have much OP? Would I pressume that the 26 month year old Nephew is the only child that you have real experience of?

It does sound as though your reaction was over the top for the situation. And that dynamics between you and your sister indicate past jealousies.

No-one is suggesting the child should not be told off, simply that it should be done in an age-appropriate manner.

My nephews are 12 and 14 and my sister still disapproves of me correcting them. Some peoples children will always be untouchable especially family.

A 2 year old probably wouldn’t have even understood that many words. They understand tone and a firm tone would have told him that hitting dogs is not acceptable. Your sister should have words with her husband not watching such a small child in the the presence of an elderly dog. Dogs get grumpy and intolerant when they are elderly and then I’m sure it would have been your fault if he had been snapped at.

I was trying to stop a dog getting hit a second time. I apologise for not scripting the perfect sentence in the moment in line with modern parenting practices.

Do parents never get things slightly off when stressed?

If your husband said that to you in any context would you still be married to him? And of not, why not. Because it's a threat. A literal threat.

Touché

The parents too.

The whole lot (the OP, SIL, BIL and the OP's parents) are far too lax when it comes to supervising the child around the dog.

Tbh, if the dog belongs to the parents not the OP, they're much more at fault than the OP. They should be supervising THEIR dog around the child unless it's been agreed that the OP has temporary care of the dog.

It's not rocket science. What it comes down to is this - in a house with a dog and a child, the PARENTS of the child and the OWNERS of the dog need to be constantly on their guard. The parents need to be constantly parenting and the owners making sure the dog never poses a risk and separating it from the child if the situation is unsafe.

This thread has reaffirmed my belief that dogs generally should not be around young children as most people are unwilling to take proper and sensible precautions.

Your emotions around your old, sick dog were targeted at your nephew.

You can teach children right or wrong without losing your shit at a toddler, not much better than the toddlers treatment of the Dog, only you're supposed to be the adult.
Nephew being 2.5 a regular visitor, should already be aware of treating the dog nicely.
Is he a regular visitor.

OP do you have anger issues at other times also? The child is only 16 months off 4 and yet you are shouting and physically manhandling them against parent's wishes. They are just starting to explore right from wrong in their neurodevelopment and then an angry dog lady screamed at them.

There’s not much damage you can do with a coaster at 2 years old. I noticed you keep using the term ‘whacking’, to make it sound harsher but you refuse to admit you ‘yanked’…it’s all in the perspective.

Fine thank you. We don't go into sulks and demand apologies from one another when we fail to supervise our own children amd they hit dogs.

You did not go too far
The hysteria here is ridiculous
The BiL should have supervised his child. This is the person your sister should be angry at.

That’s fine. So just put on your big girl pants and say exactly that to your sister and move on.

FFS! She didnt yank his arm!! Hence the apostrophes…. her sister accused her based on BILs story - who clearly wasn’t watching