Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Goodness no wonder kids and young adults are such entitled shits. They don’t get shouted at and the situation is handled gently when they act like arseholes. OP you were right in my opinion.

That’s a lot of (angry) words for a 2 and a half year old to process. You weren’t wrong to tell him to stop and to protect your elderly dog but less words the better. “No, we don’t hit. You’ve hurt the dog”. And then ask him to say sorry to the dog. That’s what I would have done with mine anyway. Is he a repeat offender? If so, I get being angry but if it was apparently a one off you need to calm down.

I think you did great, potentially stepped in and stopped an incident, am sure your dog wouldn’t have snapped but equally old dogs can be in pain and get grouchy.

your BIL no doubt was shit stirring and has told your sister it was louder and more aggressive than it was, and sometimes we react out of fear.

personally i think your BIL owes you an apology for being a lax parent and you having to step in.

As for the toddler they won’t give a toss about what you said but your tone will now ensure they don’t do it again.

Don’t your parents we your POV? And how lazy your BIL was being?

To me “how who you like it if…” is a way to encourage empathy. Certainly didn’t do it to be a nasty bully.

This thread is a prime example of how over-coddled and indulged children today are.

The OP’s handling of the situation was fine; indeed the child should have been more sternly punished for mistreating an animal.

The BIL is a lazy jackass.

Prior to my current career, I had been a nanny for almost 30 years.

There are 3 times I majorly shouted:

• 5 year old ran into the road

• 2 year old took her arms out of car seat straps and was trying to get out whilst I was doing 70MPH on a motorway

• 3 year old hit a dog in the face

Because I didn't shout very often, they knew that my louder, firm voice was my serious voice and you stop and flippin' well listen.

You were absolutely right by raising your voice to your nephew. You don't mess around with animals, ESPECIALLY when the dog is sleeping. However gentle that dog is, you can't predict how they will react.

If your nephew never does that again, then you've prevented what could be a potentially very traumatic situation for all, including the dog.

Never mind your sister not coming over to your mum's again. I would be happy with that until I knew that she was going to actually watch her own child.

The brat??? Shame the dog didn’t bite the TODDLER??? Goodness me.

Really, why?

I'll repeat myself then and say that if people don't want adults not as attuned to their 2 year old's sensibilities saying things their 2 year olds might not understand when their kids hit dogs, they should make they do it themselves in the way they think best.

Could we also keep in mind that not everyone would choose to spend time with children. It’s almost an unwritten rule that people have to just tolerate/like children, no matter what.
For some of us, this doesn’t come naturally, nor is something we would choose to do. But we do it because of family and often being put into these situations.

If OP didn’t say exactly the right thing to her nephew, or behave in the ‘perfect’ parenting way, that’s not really her fault.

Perhaps parents should stop assuming that everyone is there to parent and worship their offspring? If you don’t want non-parents interfering, then perhaps parent your own god dam child instead.

Why?

You’re definitely talking to your nephew in a way which is not age appropriate, it’s the hitting in the face part which is too aggressive, but I agree with you in that this is caused by the dad’s total lack of supervision and that overall it was better you stepped in, even if you didn’t get it quite right, than nephew got bit or the dog got hurt.

I would say sorry about the language used if you can bring yourself to but I would point out that the dog could have bit nephew or nephew could have hurt the dog and ask what they think should happen in future. They are really stupid, at best, not supervising around a dog.

🙄 oh grow up.

Exactly.

Some of the responses here chastising OP go a long way to explaining how so many parents are producing thoughtless, entitled arseholes.

With a dog in the house, though, someone needs to be actively supervising your nephew at all times.

If you know your BIL isn't doing this, then either ask him to supervise more closely, fetch your SIL, remove dog from the dangerous situation or supervise yourself.

Your SIL is not being unreasonable to refuse to visit your parents if providing proper supervision is going to be 100% on her. I've been in that situation, it's wearing and I can't get anyone else to take supervision of the child around the dog particularly seriously.

I’m shocked that so many people think like this. OP wasn’t only protecting the dog, she was protecting the child. Discipline from the parent in the room was needed here - next time it could be the dog meting it out, and that won’t end well for anyone.

You should have taken coaster away and asked you brother in law/sister to manage the boy. That's it.

You come across where aggressive in your comments.

I’d have been firmer than OP. What a ridiculous set of parents this child has.

The dog was in its own home, asleep on the sofa. It wasn’t a danger to anyone until the child hit it on the head. The fact that the situation arose at all is on the parents. It’s their child and it’s their responsibility to make sure the child is supervised.

I don’t think anyone thinks you were wrong in stopping him and saying it was wrong - but you were hung over and worried about the dog - this was a rant which included suggesting you would be violent to the child … surely you can see maybe you accidentally went too far? Maybe ok for an 8 year old but too much for a toddler.
“ I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.”

Why do people think I should know all of Supernanny’s parenting tactics? I’m not a parent or childhood development specialist. I had a horrible situation forced upon me.

And in that time, the kid has used his hands to whack the dog and the dog turns round and snaps at the child, because he's irritated, or just giving a warning, and the boy is injured.

There wasn't time to ask the BIL to do his job. OP reacted to a situation that needed immediate attention.

Exactly. And despite the roasting you're getting, last time I looked, 56% of the MNers here are on your side. You saved old Ben and your nephew from worse.

Your sister should be thanking you, and be embarrassed of herself that she has not taught her toddler to treat animals and pets with care and kindness. You absolutely did the right thing, and have nothing to apologise for. I hate parents like this that move the focus from their own child's bad behaviour to the person reacting to it. If your sister doesn't shape up she's going to end up with an animal abusing prick of a son.

Don't you understand that stubbornly standing your ground 'on principle' is not the way to go about this? Explain, like the grown up that you are. You're all going to have to meet in the middle. Sister (and BIL) need to understand that their precious toddler can't go around bashing sleeping elderly dogs over the head. You need to rein in your non-parent reactionary (aggressive) style. And accept that it's not your kid, so you have no say. Your parents need to stop taking sides just to keep the peace.