To be annoyed that my manager said she “needs more energy” from me?

[ThatTaupeCritic]

I’m doing my job well, meeting deadlines and staying professional. But in a recent catch-up, my manager said she “needs more energy” from me. What does that even mean? I’m not in sales or performance - I don’t see how being more “bubbly” affects the quality of my work.

It just rubbed me the wrong way. AIBU to think this kind of feedback is vague and a bit performative?

Nothing wrong with doing the absolute minimum you're contracted to, but don't be surprised in that case if you are constantly passed over for those who offer more and the first to get made redundant.

That's a bullshit criticism - you are doing your job and meeting deadlines. I'd follow this up in writing - appraisals are supposed to give concrete feedback, not this wishy washy crap. Make her defend it in writing!

Ask for (written) examples of how you could display 'more energy'

I think the result of this would be that OP is not only seen as unenthusiastic but also difficult to work with. I can't see how that would benefit OP.

Enthusiasm can't be measured but it can be achieved/worked on. OP has got the choice of continuing the way she is, they can't sack her for not being happy/enthusiastic or whatever, or she can choose to work towards being more engaging at work.

The fact that you'd ask that question instead of sitting there and then posting about it on the internet later probably means they wouldnt have said it to you in the first place.

This. OP thinks in her gut this is what her manager actually means. In which case it’s very unprofessional. A good manager should be able to work with all different types of personalities and get the best out of them - it’s what they’re paid to do! Eg I’m a naturally introverted person and have had managers who can’t handle anyone less than a 24/7 party person with lots of social life updates to share and it’s been incredibly difficult to work with them and if anything it causes me to shrink more into myself. However, I’ve also had professional well adjusted managers who don’t have any expectations of my personality other than be a team player and deliver on my objectives. With those I fly and we frequently chat about art, music, books etc and form a great bond and trust with each other.

Agree it’s highly inappropriate to actually request such a thing 🤦🏻‍♀️

Maybe you come across as negative or disinterested, or bored etc. Sorry, but while quiet/reserved doesn’t equal ‘bad’, it’s not as simple as that. I’ve known many quiet people who have still brought their own kind of energy to a role. Teams tend to perform better with people who bring vigour and energy – and that doesn’t mean being loud or overly chatty.

’Energy’ is a good descriptor for those who understand that, even though I can appreciate it’s a little ‘je ne sais quoi’. And I agree you should ask for more clarification from your manager.

If that’s what the role and managing/directing team want to see, then it’s what they want to see. So that’s the job. And you can’t always have the exact job that you want.

Have you experienced similar feedback to OP?

BTW: a 'jobsworth' is the opposite towhat you describe

OP I have just been fired from a client account which I have led for four years for not having enough “energy”. Despite the fact that I:

• won an industry award for this client
• got them written about in high quality media titles
• tripled their social media engagement

When this happens in spite of good performance it’s either down to politics or personal chemistry.

Quite often it suits people higher up in the organization to position things as being your fault for reasons that aren’t apparent to you

Sometimes people you interact with such as clients or colleagues just don’t like the cut of your jib. It happens.These industries are based on human relationships and sometimes people take irrational dislikes. Is it possible she doesn’t like you? Has someone else complained?

The ‘energy’ thing is very subjective and very unhelpful but it’s usually a subtle cue that someone has got the impression you don’t like them.

One person may find high energy people very draining and tiresome. Others need that level of energy to feel charged up. But never underestimate the power of sycophantic behavior. I always thought it was very transparent and off putting when people smile so hard they are almost snarling and very obviously sucking up, but people love it.

Ultimately if you work in a people industry and if you need the money you have to plaster a rictus smile back on your face and crack back on. It’s fucking awful though and a key reason why I am trying to leave my industry.

I feel like quite a lot of people are in jobs or employers they really don’t like.

I like my job. I am energetic and enthusiastic because I want to do it well and I care that others think I’m good at it. I don’t really understand people who come in with their faces tripping them and complain and moan about everything. If you hate it that much, find something you like better.

I'd interpret it as "I would like you to come into work early, put everything you have into the job, irrespective of how this impacts you. I want you to take shorter lunch breaks and stay late. And make damn sure you look happy and bouncy all the while. I'd like to give you a verbal warning in order to further pressure you into working yourself into an early grave, but as you have done nothing wrong and are performing well I can't."

I disagree. We’ve had men employees before who ‘lack energy’ – they may perform X, Y, Z well and to spec, but a growing role requires more than that to perform really well in. They have been difficult to work with because this lack of ‘energy’ comes across as a lack of engagement. Labelling it as misogynistic or automatically assuming that it wouldn’t be said of a male employee is lazy.

Urgh I hate this kind of crap.
I have left companies for having this kind of thing said to me in 1 to 1s. Things like speaking to me, about me in the third person. Absolute bullshit wankery.
Anyway, I left these kinds of companies and found non wanker bosses.
No advice just leave!

I also think that some people just hate having to work and will never be happy about it. Which is fine. But plodding through with no enthusiasm and just doing the bare minimum is unlikely to get you any promotions. But a lot of people are fine with that too 🤷🏻‍♀️

In that case the manger should just say that! So they’re still a bad manager in not communicating the feedback effectively which is a core part of their role. Obviously everyone on a team should be engaged and fully contributing ideas and bringing a positive approach. OP is not a mind reader she needs to be clearly told with examples supporting the managers opinion.

That said in my personal experience of 30 years in an office environment, it’s very much more expected of women to have a bright sunny, engaged disposition whereas with men who are eg grumpy it’s much more tolerated and almost looked upon endearingly like ‘oh it’s only Malcom bless him, he’s always grumpy/refuses to do a or b’. Not so with women at all.

I think workplaces need as a matter of inclusivity to also provide jobs that you can just do for the money and go home and not want career progression, as well as jobs you can have loads of autonomy in and build up to be something different and bigger with added value for the company as well as personal career progression. We need people to do all of these different types of roles. Different people want different things from their work. This is realistic and normal. .

Maybe she is bored. Work is boring. Make it a less boring workplace 🤓

No not really. I stand by what I said. She is annoyed and asking if it’s okay she isn’t really thinking about why her manager said this and what it could mean. Yes she should be thinking about her managers feedback. Good or bad. It’s always worthwhile reflecting as your manager is an importnat figure to you at work and their feeling or feedback give you a lot of information.

You say she is thinking about it and that she shouldn’t have to think about it. 🤷‍♀️

We have given many examples of what it could be but haven’t said it is. There is a difference your response doesn’t account for. The OP isn’t responding.

Working isn’t just coming in and getting a job done. It is so much more than that which is a part of what her manager has said and what you are seemingly saying isn’t okay.

Performative enthusiasm doesn’t have to be named, called out or negative. It’s an attitude.

I say again having to give more energy suggests OP is flat, dispirited etc. I would say it could come across as not really wanting to be there, not engaged or unproactive. Only the OP knows and until she answers we can only guess….

I think you're misunderstanding how capitalism works. Workplaces don't "need" to provide jobs at all.

The cold hard reality is that it's not the job of the employer to provide jobs: it's on the employee to demonstrate their usefulness to the organisation to justify being promoted or retained.

If you don't want that kind of job stress and want to bob along and earn a bit of money and clock off then fine, but that's not the sort of industry the OP is in.

I agree, but it sounds like OP has a role that should be had by someone who has more drive. Maybe it's not the role for her, maybe the best thing would be to find one of the roles that you can just come in and do and then leave on time every day. Or she could take the feedback onboard (and ask further questions about it) and make the adjustment that is needed.

that's bizarre. Where I’ve managed people who “just do their job”, I’ve often found those that do the job well get frustrated that others are not putting in the same energy. So it becomes a balancing act between keeping those happy whilst encouraging others who may be doing the bare minimum to perform to their potential and how the organisation wants. Most larger organisations have values and behaviours they expect staff to fulfil as part of doing the job. If someone is doing the bare minimum then ultimately ok, I’m going to evaluate you as such but as a responsible manager, I’m also going to focus performance discussions around encouraging more, but in a better way than op has experienced. And no, teams that work for me don’t hate me, in fact quite the opposite.

Putting in the hours and doing the job is what the OP is there for, and is what she is doing. If this manager wants more than that, saying they want more 'energy' is nowhere near specific enough.

My own view is that the manager wants the OP to view it as a career rather than just a job, and change her mindset to that effect.

No. until there’s automation we do need these jobs actually

I don’t think we know what kind of industry it is. There’s just been feedback out of the blue

A decent boss would have said
' you seem like you have low energy recently, is there a reason for this as I really want to know what we can we do to help support you in your role, if it is a personal matter we can support you, if it is the work then lets look at what we can do to improve thing here'
I am a manager and this is how I would approach this with someone in my team.