To be annoyed that my manager said she “needs more energy” from me?

[ThatTaupeCritic]

I’m doing my job well, meeting deadlines and staying professional. But in a recent catch-up, my manager said she “needs more energy” from me. What does that even mean? I’m not in sales or performance - I don’t see how being more “bubbly” affects the quality of my work.

It just rubbed me the wrong way. AIBU to think this kind of feedback is vague and a bit performative?

Quite. I can't stand bubbly folk.

I’m really sorry this happened to you. It’s very unfair. It’s so thoughtless of managers to insist that everyone is smiley and perky all day at work. Obviously life isn't like that.
People are ill, they have difficulties in relationships, situations outside of work, bereavement, break ups, parenting, all kind of things.

Insisting on long term pretence from everyone hurts employees. It’s bad for employers’ legal risk and staff retention and recruitment. Employers may have legal liabilities around discrimination, if imposing ‘attitude’ requirements or behaviours that are not directly work related.

Neurodiversity for example is very common in the population but is only now beginning to be more widely recognised. And for some people their profile amounts to a social communication disability.

Some staff in any company will be masking to the limits of their ability just to get through the social demands of work and be exhausted and distressed by it at home. Some won’t be able to mask at work in every situation and will express their irritation if overloaded.

All managers should already be expecting to work with staff with different challenges and strengths in different areas anyway, if they are decent managers. And also not all types of jobs or workplaces suit everyone, but also many workplaces exclude staff with disabilities more or less openly or fairly/legally.

Overall the workplace has changed in its social expectations and also level of sensory stimulation a lot over the past few decades and this expectation of all staff going above and beyond socially is relatively new. Not all workplaces can be like this though otherwise they will exclude staff inappropriately. I feel like once you see this at work, you can’t unsee it.

Feedback is supposed to be clear, concise and actionable. So she’s either a shit manager or doesn’t like you.

Maybe you should start bringing a red bull into work every day.

Yes ask for Smart goals, specific measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bounded. If she can't give them then it's a personality clash and that is not your fault.

We can agree to disagree 🙃 I'd hate to work closely with someone who barely spoke a word. I don't need to be entertained, but if I'm spending 40+ hours at work it's good to have a nice atmosphere and I agree with this poster regarding vibes. I've worked at a place where people barely spoke to each other and it was a horrible atmosphere, it was actually quite a depressing place. The most 'fun' places I've worked have also been the most productive teams I've worked in as well

Unless it's a SMART target, ie quantifiable, they either want you to "act" against your personality to fit, or give up your life/work more for your wage.

Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time-bound

Ask her to rephrase her request within tge above parameters.

I'm sorry but what on earth is wrong with performing your contracted duties? You really want your pound of flesh out of your employees don't you.

Mine said she wants me to raise my profile in the department, because a lot of people don't know who I am. Not sure what she wants from me really, might get really smashed and strip naked at the next party. That should do it.

Without knowing what your work is or how you interact with each other, my interpretation is that she needs more enthusiasm from you. As a manager she wants to see a happy and engaged team and if one person is a lot less engaging and more reserved towards their colleagues it will make the rest of them feel unenthusiastic. In some work places a variety of personalities is a good thing, in others the same level of energy is important. Maybe you just don't quite fit in, without being in the wrong.

Do you work where I am?

HR are there for the company. Human resources. You are the human resource.

I’d go back now and ask what she meant. The SMART advice below is useful.

My energy reflects my pay!
I do my job, I’m polite and efficient.
i don’t stay late, come in early or work for free.
i don’t get involved in work place bullshit or attend team building or socials.
im there to do my job to earn money to live.
work is not my life and never will be.

I get a new manager about every two years it's exhausting. I just nod politely during appraisals and carry on doing my job as normal. I'm open to feedback if it's constructive but it usually isn't.

Offer to lead or participate in meetings on her behalf. Look at any departmental initiatives you might be able to get involved in as a representative , e.g. sustainability; or suggest leading one yourself if there is something you can be reasonably enthusiastic about. Whatever your area of expertise is, make sure people know you are the go-to person - perhaps create some content for your intranet that 'advertises' you.

Sorry I lost the post but I was responding to the poster who said they were working with chronic pain and ended up having to quickly leave due to unrealistic expectations about being upbeat all the time.

I’ve given similar feedback before but with more context. Team morale is really important if you are going to keep your team members engaged, especially where you need everyone to do their part to deliver as a team. If the perception you give off is that you do the minimum and don’t think you should have to engage beyond the bare minimum, then this feeling seeps through the whole team and people will be less likely to try hard for the team if they think nobody else is bothering or cares. You end up with a mediocre and quite often underperforming team. You can’t fake enthusiasm but a lack of positive engagement will negatively impact others in quite subtle (and not positive) ways that you are likely oblivious to.

An example…I once had a man in my team who was totally capable but not interested in engaging beyond his delivery. When he came in he would moan about having to be in the office, make pointed statements about why he didn’t see the point in us doing certain things (that the client had specially asked us to do), always had his camera off in Teams calls while the rest of the team were on screen. Always came across that he thought he knew better and was basically just a drain to be around him. His output was totally fine but his impact on the team was so noticeable. When he wasn’t there, people were engaged, feeling positive, delivering. As soon as he arrived the atmosphere changed. It’s incredibly hard to give people feedback like that because they 100% don’t recognise it in themselves and don’t feel like they should have to engage beyond what they think they are getting paid for. They don’t recognise the impact of what they would consider “neutral” behaviour on the rest of the team.

Appraisal targets need to be clear and measurable.
you can also ask for edits any paper work or refuse to sign things off if inaccurate (obvs last resort as would create conflict!)

id email (writing for evidence) and say ‘I’ve reflected on the performance review and was disappointed with the feedback on vibe. As this hasn’t been mentioned before I’d like some clarity please.
what is the actual requirement re energy and vibe.
how can we measure that this has been achieved at the next performance review?
can you give me examples from the rest of the team about their vibe tasks and how they achieve this?’

that will probably make it go away.

At the place I was told this, it meant work unpaid overtime, lose weight and try not to sound more intelligent than the boss.

It’s more enthusiasm.

Depends on the role.

my colleague needs to drive a big change across our organisation. This is the role she chose to do. She needs creativity, energy and enthusiasm to effectively do that job.

if you’re just doing data entry, or cleaning toilets and mopping floors, it’s probably not that important.

'Bubbly', like 'bossy' is a term only ever applied to female employees. It is misogynistic and sexist and should be called out whenever it's heard, e.g. "Would you ask Tom from accounts to be more bubbly/less bossy?"

Sounds like you need to throw some corporate speak around in order to sound more enthusiastic. Tell your manager that you'll circle back to this low hanging fruit. Or that you don't have the bandwidth for this nonsense, this isn't a core competency of your role, and that you just want to get on with your job as normal.

Very good point.

Did you work at my former job? 😂