To worry about neighbour’s baby

[maloney123]

I’m not sure where to start, but I am really quite worried about my neighbours’ baby. The other side of our semidetached is rented, and approx six months ago a new family moved in. The walls are paper thin so we can hear pretty much everything that goes on. There’s a dad, mum and what sounds like a young baby. The dad comes and goes, he usually goes out very early in the car and doesn’t come back all day. There is another car but that never moves. We’ve seen the dad a couple of times, but have only ever seen the mum twice, going into the house. We’ve never seen the baby. The blinds are always drawn and the back door is never opened, even though there’s a big garden. I’m on maternity leave so am often home or in and out picking my older child up from nursery, I bump into other neighbours from time to time but I’ve never the mum or baby. I’m not saying I watch the house or anything like that, I just think it’s really strange that I’ve never bumped into her or even seen the baby at all. Am I overthinking this? For what it’s worth, they appear to be Muslim (only mentioning because some Muslim men have certain views towards women). I just worry that something is not right and no authorities are aware of the baby. Oh, nobody ever comes to the house either. I don’t even know what I could do really or who I could contact. I don’t hear any mistreatment or anything like that, I just feel really uncomfortable with the situation and the thought that I could do something but haven’t

I completely agree with you.

I'm just stating how it is with different groups. If people don't like the lack of integration (and it's fair not to ) then they may end up signalling this with a vote (which would also be fair ).

People from different cultures have a right to live as they please and that includes not wanting to hang out with westerners. Uk born people have a right not to agree with that being ideal in the UK and vote accordingly.

Neighbour has a different set of cultural and kr religious practices which doesn't include social gatherings with non Muslim western neighbours and specific dietary requirements. Likes to be left alone to live her life on her terms.

Well this is why Reform will win. This is absolutely incredible! I cannot believe what I just read?!

Op, are you this aware of the comings and goings (or not) of your other neighbours?

I suspect that this is more about making op feel more comfortable with living next door to Muslims than it is about concern for a baby.

This happened to me when I moved into my home. A few people came round to check out that I wasn't going to be having loud parties (someone actually said that to my face!) or selling drugs or whatever it is that people of colour are supposed to do habitually.

I spoke to my next door neighbour last week. The last time we spoke his son and his wife had just had a baby, we hadn't seen each other in between times and the baby is now 16 months. Life happens.

Why would that mean Reform would win?

I'm English born and bred and don't have the slightest interest in attending social gatherings with my neighbours and want to be left alone to live life on my terms.

What's incredible about it?

I never said it wasn't. I'm just stating how things can be. It's reality. People have a right to live as they wish. People who don't agree with how that affects community relations have a right to disagree. It doesn't make them racist, bigoted or uneducated. The more uneducated ones are the naive posters patting their new neighbours on the head and offering up unwanted baklava. It's naive. Repeating myself, people have a right not to be patronised and have some well meaning Ill informed woman rock up on their doorstep trying to be pals when their way of life will not be compatible with that. Others In the country have a right to think it's harmful to their way of life and use their vote to reflect that. If they try to speak out, their words are twisted and they're branded 'racist bigots'.

No, not really.

If the point you were making is that immigrants should learn the language, work, use UK schools for their DC and in those ways integrate than yes you have a point.

But expecting them to be pals with their neighbours, socialise with people outside of their culture or faith and be part of a community in ways that many, many non-immigrants chose not to do then no.

Or a report to your local health visitor...

I've got my blinds closed right now because my place is basically a greenhouse.

No kids but I wouldn't say no to some Baklava.

I am sorry but there is nothing wrong with the OP going and saying hello to her new neighbour and bringing cake or inviting her round for a cup of tea. That is British culture and yes we do this to keep a check on communities and to be helpful or to simply be friendly. It may be annoying at times but this part of our culture.

Wholeheartedly agree. I am involved in community work in my professional life and people are perfectly capable of socialising without it clashing with their culture preferences.

Nothing wrong with it at all but, she didn’t want to go round to be genuinely friendly. She was worried about people trafficking or the likes just because they are Muslim. Despite them having done absolutely nothing wrong or strange at all. Why is noone ever knocking on my door with cake though? I feel left out. I really just want the op to knock on their door and offer fruit, cake or baklava and ask them to pick one then update us. If its the dry baklava wrapped in cling film I hope they turn it down.

Despite them having done absolutely nothing wrong or strange at all.

I would say it’s strange and, most importantly here, possibly a cause for concern if there’s a newborn there who’s been seen once months ago and never again since (as far as I remember from this post). I was happy to stay home a lot with both of mine when they were young but I did have to get out - there are plenty of appointments in the early days for a start. Vaccines, six week checks, clinic appointments… To be honest, the number of replies ridiculing the OP and calling her a busy body etc is dismaying given some recent high profile cases of child abuse which have resulted in fatalities. In recent news only, it was apparently a “busy body” neighbour who discovered the children who had been locked indoors for years due to their parents’ fear of Covid. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here and I’d guess it’s probably fine if the family were next door to me but as with everything child protection and safeguarding, I think we have to have the view of “It could happen here”. I’d much rather cause ‘offence’ knocking on a door.

The op has jumped to some quite wild assumptions (people trafficking, authorities not knowing about a baby) mostly I think because she believes the family to be Muslim and because she has only seen the women twice in the six months there. I have no clue about many of the neighbours near me or their comings and goings. If they have been there for 6 months, they moved in during winter so maybe that’s why she hasn’t been seen much. It’s also dark much of the time so how could you make people out properly and how do you even know if they have had visitors or not? You cant unless you are watching them 24 hours a day.

Don't be ridiculous. I come from a culture that values privacy and I'd never dream of opening my blinds or curtains in a way that enabled strangers to see in. Often I walk past houses and see right into people's sitting rooms. I'd find that excruciating. A Muslim woman or any other woman can value their privacy. In fact only a generation ago nearly everyone had net curtains so you could see out but no one could see in, before blinds and shutters became trendy.

Absolutely agree. As someone whose role brings me into contact with a lot of Muslims, often in an unavoidably intrusive way, you are spot on. When I read that comment about "inviting her round for a brew" I thought to myself "and back in the real world..."

Sorry but that is not acceptable. If you come to the UK it isn't polite to shut yourself away from us and say our culture isn't compatible. Maybe stay in a country where you can mix freely. That is quite frankly rude.

Most faiths should be able to mix and be polite where needed. To say you would only mix at work and never ever mix with someone with western values outside of work even a neighbour, for cup of tea is a problem.

I'm making no comment on whether or not it's acceptable, it's just a comment on how things are. Firstly the women (not all of course) seem to have little or no English and rely on the husband or children to translate. Secondly, even where they do speak English, I'm told I can only visit while the husband is at home as they can't have strangers in the house when the husband isn't there (and I'm a very non-threatening female for context). Of course there are plenty of lovely, welcoming households that aren't at all like this, but a significant subset are.

Muslims and they'll openly admit that if they're devout, they'll mix at work but not outside of. Out western ways are not generally aligned to their beliefs and practices. I appreciate the candidness really. Better than bullshit.
It does make me roll my eyes when the first few posts just act like the cultural difference just doesn't exist. It shows naivete.

Why live in the West? And that behaviour is not a cultural difference it is quite frankly rude. I don't believe that a Muslim would not accept a token/ gesture of welcome and kindness from a neighbour. What religion would deny a neighbour that...?!

It is very much the reality isn't it. This is where I find people incredibly naive. It doesn't go well for either party...

Well "why live in the west?" That's not really a question for me to answer. I guess because we're "tolerant"....? But it is a valid question, and it's one that many people are asking silently and then cannot voice it, so vote accordingly.

And the thread descends into Muslim bashing. As usual. All because a bored, nosey woman who's swallowed some offensive stereotypes says:

We’ve seen the dad a couple of times, but have only ever seen the mum twice, going into the house.

So she's seen them both the same amount of times! If she saw the mum going in, then obviously she must have gone out.

When my parents generation came to the UK they didn't meet nice friendly neighbours offering them cake. Far from! But now the very thought that some black or brown people might not want to talk to their neighbours is making some posters froth. And yet no one Muslim has actually come onto this thread and said that.

People are people - some friendly, some not. It's as simple as that and it applies to all races and religions. I know Jehovah Witnesses who don't socialise outside their faith. And there are ultra right wing xenophobic atheists who won't socialise outside their race. It's supposed to be a free country so we should all be able to live how we want.

And the thread descends into Muslim bashing. As usual. All because a bored, nosey woman who's swallowed some offensive stereotypes says:

Not at all. It seems they are bashing themselves on this thread!

I agree - Jehovah's witnesses like to keep outside influence out. They will mix very happily, but it'll be in the hope of conversion.

I wouldn't agree that the thread is "Muslim bashing" though. I think it's fair to acknowledge there are cultural differences that make rocking up with a brew and a park invite a bit crass.

Some people object to the idea that these cultural differences do exist and that can include not mixing socially with people outside of their particular religion or culture. I think it's disingenuous to not acknowledge this. It's just about giving honest and truthful answers rather than pretending the elephant in the room isn't there in OPs scenario.

It's always sensitive when people find offense in certain observations, but it's inevitable that some things can seem offensive. But it's about the intent of those words. If they're not meant as a sneer, but merely an observation or a truth, it can't always be avoided that in the process people get offended.

Of course people will hang around with people who share their background and differences in cultures exist but I honesty think it is bonkers to think that they won’t appreciate getting to know the neighbours.

When I was growing up we lived beside Irish travellers who are generally thought to “keep to themselves “ and their close friends and family were other travellers but we still had a friendly, neighbourly, mutually helpful relationship.

I’ve never lived anywhere where I didn’t know our neighbours at all. I don’t believe there is a culture that exists where it is crass to say hi I’m your neighbour here’s a box of chocolates.