MIL and Breastfeeding

[Sprinklesjelly]

Just looking for outside opinions here as not sure if I’m reading too much into this.

for context, my LO is nearly 4 months old and exclusively breastfed.

When my baby was a week or so old, my MIL asked me how long I intended to breastfeed. Then, I had to idea as I was still just getting started with BFing and I’m a FTM.

I said I’m not sure, maybe 6 months? To which she responded, yes that’s absolutely plenty, more than enough.

A few weeks later, she proceeded to tell me a story about being out in town and seeing a lady breastfeed in a coffee shop, facing the window to which she found outrageous, as she believes she should have sat somewhere discreet and out the way. (More power to her I say)

I waited 6 weeks to introduce a bottle, which was on the advice of heath care workers and midwives, not to cause any confusion and to allow my supply to regulate.

i waited the 6 weeks, because i was keen to continue breastfeeding and didn’t want anything to hinder this. When we eventually introduced a bottle, we have been faced with my LO refusing every bottle I’ve brought, even though I’ve only ever tried to feed him breast milk. When informing MIL of this casually, she said that bottle refusal wasn’t a thing and she had never known a baby that wouldn’t take a bottle… not sure how many babies she knows…

Fast forward a few weeks and my MILs other DIL is pregnant and the first thing she said to me after finding out is that other DIL isn’t planning on breastfeeding so she can leave the baby. My MIL had a nursery done in her house for my baby before mine was even completed. She’s made comments like ‘I’ll have that baby in my cot before yours’ - which I’ve obviously taken as a dig.

a couple of weeks ago, we were out at a cafe and a mother next to us was breastfeeding her baby and she proceeded to point this out to me and highlight again how inappropriate this was. The lady did have full boob on show but again, more power to her. I wish I was that confident.

last week, I was at her house and she pointed out that she had read online you should introduce a bottle before 4 weeks, to which I responded that’s fine but I chose to follow the advise from midwives and heath visitors. She then proceeded to say that her friend who had a baby 10 days after me introduced a bottle on day 4, and her other DIL will be introducing a bottle straight away. Both comments which I found unnecessary and intrusive.

I’ve found the constant questions about how bottle feeding is going really intrusive if I’m honest and I’ve found myself not even wanting to try anymore because of the pressure I’ve felt. When we try and give LO a bottle, he gets really distressed and I find myself asking why am I even doing this when I can feed him myself whenever I want.

All of these occasions together have made me really anxious about BFing in front of her to the point now where I just won’t do it, which is a shame.

YABU - you’re reading too much into it
YANBU - you’re right to feel the way you do

If you want things to change you have three options:

1. Limit contact
2. Grow a thick skin
3. Speak up (as many times as necessary)

It's not so easy to make choices and decision when you feel you'll be criticised no matter what but hopefully you have some people in your corner who will support you. You can't change her but you can manage yourself (and feed your baby as suits you).

I’m really sorry you’ve experienced this in the UK. I actually luckily didn’t experience this once whilst BF my DS to 21mo in the UK. I never felt “judged” for BFing in public at all. And I never got “advised” to stop for any reasons from midwives or friends, they have all been supportive. But then most of my friends breastfed their baby’s or at least tried to in the beginning. Strangely enough I actually found friends I had when I lived in Greece were far more nervous about BFing when out in public than my UK friends have ever been.

You could always really shut her up and tell her that you would give up breastfeeding but her dear son absolutely loves your huge milky bosoms and you think it’s unfair to deprive him of simple pleasures. Ask her if his dad was the same, and watch her cringe……

Every time she raises the topic shut her down immediately - “if you don’t mind I’d rather not talk about breastfeeding or bottle feeding as everyone has different opinions on it and I’m just doing it my way”.
Just repeat every time until she gets the message “as I’ve said, I’ve decided I won’t be discussing breastfeeding with anyone anymore”. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Yes this!!! But at unbelievable. And after six months is a breeze and so nice.

Are the 3% of people who think you're being unreasonable, angry mother in laws? 😉

Take no notice. My mother seems to have a major problem with breastfeeding too, to the point she seems disgusted by it, not just in public but as a means of feeding babies. Let her witter on and do what you and your baby want to do.

You are a better woman than me OP I would have lost my shit at her already. Tell your DH to have a word otherwise you absolutely will give her both barrels.

You aren't being paranoid, she's an anti BF pain. Shut it down

'MIL, we aren't asking you to breastfeed the baby, so please don't worry about it'.

Then just grey rock.

She sounds like a nightmare. The nursery and cot comment would have been enough to put me right off her, let alone the insane and hurtful BF comments. Honestly I'd give her a wide berth.

She’s made comments like ‘I’ll have that baby in my cot before yours’

Did you breathe a sigh of relief?

Bottle refusal is very much a thing. My eldest just had to see a bottle and would scream. I even tried feeding her in the garden thinking it would be calming and same result. She went onto a sippy cup when she was old enough. Do what’s right for you and your little one, your mother in law needs to stay on her own side of the fence!!

I'm childfree (by choice) but I could feel my blood pressure rise as I read your account of what you're having to put up with. The decisions you make for your baby and your body are none of your MiL's business. You could try the broken record response - something like "Hermia, we have discussed this before and you know my opinion. I do not want you to raise it again." If this doesn't work, and you're feeling up to it, go in with "Hermia, you've been told. Mind your own business or LO and I will take time out from seeing you." Ideally, DH should follow up similarly so that your MiL doesn't think she can get to you by wearing him down. All the best and congratulations on your lovely new baby🧸

This. Don't for one second let her affect your behaviour. have you tried telling her to STFU? That usually works 😁

Ridiculous. I breastfed each baby until about one and a half. Six months is not plenty unless you are really not wanting to carry it on for your own sake.

Tell you MIL that you changed your mind and that you intend to breastfeed till he is 10 years old. Sit back and watch her head explode.

I would not be seeing this woman or the instant she brought up bf would tell her it's none of her business. Your baby is not a toy for her to play with or show off and she only wants him on a bottle for those reasons it seems. Tell her to go and annoy the other DIL

Meh, it’s more I don’t see why the OP needs MIL or anyone’s approval to BF her own baby. Let her make her comments, why would or should it impact how the OP feeds her own baby. If she is anti BF, then fine. Doesn’t mean she has to change anything about feeding the baby. Not everything warrants a response or a mumsnet thread.

MIL... I hear your opinion on breastfeeding... we have different views, I will continue to feed my baby based on what feels best for me and my child. I don't want to have to defend my position each time you bring this up so I would appreciate if you would accept we have different views.

I never gave mine bottles because I enjoyed breastfeeding so much! Breastfed until a year with first and 18 months with second. There is absolutely no need to give bottles unless you feel you need a break or you want your partner to be more involved. Your MIL needs to butt the hell out. Get your partner to tell her to back off, otherwise she will not be invited round.

Definitely carry on breastfeeding until your baby is at least 1, just to piss her off 🤣

🤣🤣

My second son would NEVER take a bottle. You would have thought we were trying to murder him when we tried. Keep going with what's best for you and your baby.

Take a standard response. ‘I think it’s important that every mum makes the choices she feels are best for her baby’. And repeat and repeat and repeat.

Do not further engage. Just stick to the standard response. Your MIL is excited to have baby on her own and that’s lovely but the baby is yours and you should be doing it your way in your time.

“EWW, MIL, WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH MY BREASTS!! IT’S SO WEIRD!!”

every time. She should soon stop.