Am I a neglectful parent for this?

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I have a 2yo daughter and heavily pregnant with our 2nd, suffering with awful sciatica and SPD which I attend physio for.

DH runs his business and is usually out 7am-6pm.

Once or twice a week, the pain gets too much and by 2pm I go and lay in the bath. For context, we live in a new build flat, the bathroom is opposite DD’s bedroom and next to the office/utility room and 2 doors away from the open plan living room/kitchen.

I go around and close any open windows, all cupboards in the kitchen and the oven have safety catches/locks on them. Shut my bedroom door. She can literally either sit on the sofas, play with toys or go into her bedroom and play with toys in there. Our front door is locks automatically but I put the bolt on too.

I leave the bathroom door open and she goes between coming into the bathroom with me and playing with bath toys in my bath water and playing/chatting to the living room or her bedroom. Medicines are stored up in a locked medical box on top of a tall unit in the office/utility.

I put Ms Rachel or Peppa Pig on, fill her water bottle and soak in the bath for 30 minutes.

Somehow it came up in convo with MIL about how I’m struggling with my back and only thing that eases it is a bath so sometimes I have one in the middle of the day (normally if we’ve had a busy morning at the park or gone for a walk or met with friends at soft play).

She text DH last night to say it’s neglectful and anything could happen to DD and I’ve never had my parenting questioned so this has naturally upset me, hormones are probably not helping.

DH messaged her back telling her that I am and always have been an excellent mum and he won’t have my choices questioned by her and she read it and didn’t respond.

So, I’ve come to Mumsnet to ask if AIBU for doing this or do people think there is no harm in it? Im
now questioning myself.

It's fine. MIL needs to butt out. Good on DH for having your back

If you are happy the environment is safe then ignore MIL.

She’s exaggerating and being bonkers
of course it’s fine!

I know for a fact that I did this. And I know because I remember I was so massive that I was practically stuck in the bath and I remember thinking ‘can a three year old pull me out of this bath?’

It's absolutely fine you are literally there with your toddler, your mother in law needs to mind her own, and good for your husband for sticking up for you.

I think that’s fine. It’s all on one level and she can come see you if she needs to. I am a notoriously slack mum though, so my margins will almost certainly vary to someone else’s.

For my own peace of mind I’d install her with the iPad and some toys in the bathroom with me

i just couldn’t relax in to that bath tbh

I would buy a playpen and have the child in the bathroom with me - I also had to be a 24/7 mum because their dad was out from 5am until late. I used a playpen for times I needed a break or a shower or whatever. It’s none of your MIL’s business. She can always offer to come and help of course, rather than criticise.

As long as you have taken all precautions to child proof and you are within earshot to hear what she is doing, It's fine.

Thank you everyone so far, @PansyPotteringthat really made me laugh which I needed! I’m certainly getting to that point!

@Mexcitedfamwe don’t have an iPad, I leave her bath toys on the floor and she comes in intermittently to play with them with me.

I’m impressed with a 2 year old playing with anything for longer than 5 mins!

I don't think you are neglectful but I too would have her in the bathroom with me under those exact circumstances as she's 2. A friend had a very scary incident at a similar stage with a climbing toddler.

Absolutely fine, that was really unhelpful of your MIL. Why doesn’t she offer to help out if she’s so concerned? It’s really tough being pregnant and having a toddler, do what you need to get through the day! Sounds like you’ve gone above and beyond to check the environment is safe and you can hear her etc.

She’s a very chilled toddler @Mexcitedfam I think we got lucky, she’s happy to play independently and together.

I don’t think you’re a neglectful parent! I do shower during the day sometimes if it’s just me and DS but personally only do a quick 5 mins. I don’t know if leaving a 2 year old for 30 mins is something I could do, I definitely wouldn’t be able to relax but that’s possible a me problem? If you’re comfortable then that’s OK xx

Does your 2 year old tend to put things in their mouth? Only thing I’d worry about is choking, battery’s in toys etc

@OffleyhooI’m just struggling to find anything dangerous that she could do. She’s never been a climber, all units we have are secured to the wall. TV is on the wall with hidden wires. Just can’t think of anywhere she could get to or do that would put her in harms way.

Well you seem very chilled about it
so enjoy it

you asked and personally I’d want her in the bathroom with door closed and I’d bring loads of toys.

I could not relax knowing I’m heavily pregnant with sciatica in the bath and my 2 year old is roaming feeely.

what happens if you hear her cry…. Surely getting out of the bath being heavily pregnant with sever sciatica is not something done quickly

@Rosewatersparklesthe toys I leave out aren’t battery operated, batteries and babies/toddlers give me the heebies so I leave her play farm (fist sized animals and big barn) and some books. She plays with battery operated stuff when supervised. She’s never put anything in her mouth so far other than as a teething baby.

Your MIL should be offering to ease your load not telling tales. It’s totally fine. Sure, they can fall and scrape themselves to smithereens even if you are looking straight at them/told them not to run/almost standing on top of them. This helps, during pregnancy, it’s a no brainier. What a piece of work MIL sounds

I think it’s your choice to make as a parent, 2 would be too little for me to leave for 30 mins. But like I say everyone’s different. I do leave my son for 5 mins every so often if I’m going out in the evening and need to have a shower. Sometimes I will do the washing up etc and leave him to play but I do check ins

Also this, maybe MIL could offer to look after DD for 30 mins once a week so you can go enjoy your bath… but instead she runs to your DH pointing the finger

@Mexcitedfamcompletely understand your point, if she cries (again, not often as so chilled) she will run to me or Dad so she knows where to find me and if she didn’t come hell or high water I’d be out of the bath quick enough to check her. I do call her if she hasn’t popped in for 5 mins, and she comes to me.

But my point is… what if she couldn’t run to you?

ok Op you asked, I answered and you’ve put a strong defence why you absolutely think nothing wrong at all so…. Enjoy 🤷‍♀️

I don’t usually have any problems with MIL and she’s certainly never questioned my parenting before. Maybe she’s pissed off as we declined an invite to a big birthday dinner 5 days after baby is due (they won’t let me go past due date so baby will be very young).

Wow. Good on your DH.

YANBU as you have already taken steps to make it as safe as possible.