Am I a neglectful parent for this?

[dil8]

I have a 2yo daughter and heavily pregnant with our 2nd, suffering with awful sciatica and SPD which I attend physio for.

DH runs his business and is usually out 7am-6pm.

Once or twice a week, the pain gets too much and by 2pm I go and lay in the bath. For context, we live in a new build flat, the bathroom is opposite DD’s bedroom and next to the office/utility room and 2 doors away from the open plan living room/kitchen.

I go around and close any open windows, all cupboards in the kitchen and the oven have safety catches/locks on them. Shut my bedroom door. She can literally either sit on the sofas, play with toys or go into her bedroom and play with toys in there. Our front door is locks automatically but I put the bolt on too.

I leave the bathroom door open and she goes between coming into the bathroom with me and playing with bath toys in my bath water and playing/chatting to the living room or her bedroom. Medicines are stored up in a locked medical box on top of a tall unit in the office/utility.

I put Ms Rachel or Peppa Pig on, fill her water bottle and soak in the bath for 30 minutes.

Somehow it came up in convo with MIL about how I’m struggling with my back and only thing that eases it is a bath so sometimes I have one in the middle of the day (normally if we’ve had a busy morning at the park or gone for a walk or met with friends at soft play).

She text DH last night to say it’s neglectful and anything could happen to DD and I’ve never had my parenting questioned so this has naturally upset me, hormones are probably not helping.

DH messaged her back telling her that I am and always have been an excellent mum and he won’t have my choices questioned by her and she read it and didn’t respond.

So, I’ve come to Mumsnet to ask if AIBU for doing this or do people think there is no harm in it? Im
now questioning myself.

I would have had dd in bath with me. But we have stairs so maybe that was my worry. I have a 4 year old now and I don’t think I would leave him downstairs whilst I had a bath upstairs and I am pretty lax generally - he might open the door, fall off the table etc etc. would leave him playing in his room with doors open though. At 2 your issue is choking and 2 minutes would be too late.

Stop questioning yourself. Your MIL is not only out of line, she's a fruitcake. I doubt she sat on the edge of her seat every moment her child played, waiting for something bad to happen, unless she was an extremely lazy woman using it as an excuse to do nothing. I'm proud of your husband for defending you and putting her in her place.

You're absolutely right. So, so many issues people have, and I often feel like saying "he/she'd have never known your business if you had kept your mouth shut".

I think 30 minutes is too long for a 2 year old to be unsupervised. The thing with kids this age is that one minute they can't do something and the next they can.

Mil isn't being a bitch. She is worried. She has been put in the no-win position of deciding whether to risk this reaction from you, or her dgc being put at risk.
There really is no substitute for supervision of toddlers. You cannot predict everything.

I didn't call MIL your word; you used it. MIL is OVERLY worried. Yes, anything can happen in a moment, even if you're standing right there or turn your back for a second. A parent can dose off while a child is napping, or take 5 min to go outside to get the mail, and a child can wake up and roam. She can be doing laundry with the noise of a machine, and not hear it. And you really can't predict ANYTHING, but, life goes on. The 30 min OP mentioned is not too long, and the child may even be in the bathroom with her part of that. An hour, two hours, yes, I'd question mom's wisdom, but it sounds like she's covered every precaution, and sometimes ILs or parents get banned for their interference. What good would that do? Best to MYOB.