Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

I now wondering if I'm too people pleasing.

I'd have taken that as a yes/no situation because it sounds like FIL was ordering and paying.

My DH and our kids might occasionally get away with getting something else but it would seem rude to me to say no and ask for something else as I don't have the same relationship.

Now if I said no - and then spotted something they would wait for me - as they have manners.

The cafe one only makes sense if it was like the churros example.

If I can't eat something I do speak up and if I'm paying I get more control.

However if IL are paying here both times I do think you are being a tad rude or at least not diplomatic enough - still I'd be annoyed at DH for his comments and I don't think his family are behaving that well towards you at all.

I do think there's a distinction though.

Going out for breakfast generally = order whatever you like

Specifically going to a place famous for something, where the group is excited for you to try it cause they think you'll love it = order the specific item.

I could understand a bit of disappointment that you didn’t want to try it. I could also understand not waiting for your food to arrive. It wasn’t your fault but not theirs either. But their comments and attitude towards you were absolutely appalling. It’s like they were punishing you for having mind of your own rather than following their herd mentality.
You can’t win unless you shut up and just look and listen then with admiration. If you would tell them before the visit that you wanted to see what’s available they would start blaming you for “ruining their experience” earlier.
And your DH is the biggest dick of them all. Im sorry but I don’t think that your marriage has any sort of future. It’s gone too far

If I was with DHs family and we had agreed in advance that we were going out for Churros (something that can be served pretty much instantly) and I then at the very last minute decided to order a full English that would take time to cook and serve then I wouldn't be at all surprised if they were a bit peeved by it.

It is abut strange that they all have the same thing, it must be a family quirk. A lot of families have them! So, it’s up to you to decide if you just want to join in for an easy life, or continue as you are and piss them off.

Fair enough. I too have been to plenty of places on holiday and have never encountered the phenomenon of only a single dish on the menu.

As a picky eater, I’m glad as it has avoided any embarrassing detours out of any such restaurants. 😀

Do you actually believe having an opinion over what you want to eat and drink is being fussy and you always have to do what you’re told? Honestly?

and why should she not?

I think there are social contexts where making a fuss about food is spectacularly rude, and this was one of them.

FGS please just tell us what the MBI was!

OP, I don't like your DH and I don't like his family. They are disrespectful to you. Has this been the case before this holiday?

I don't think it's as straightforward as 'eat what you want, when you want' on a group holiday.

My in-laws are ridiculous for agreeing we'll go for dinner at X time and then when it comes around they inform us they've eaten lunch an hour beforehand, or got a burger because they were peckish or whatever. It's annoying.

I've a feeling it's what someone said upthread, the Pastel de Nata, i know its supposed to be a whole experience to go eat one freshly made from certain places, and if it is, i do agree the OP was being unreasonable to go off piste.

Spot on.

I'm not unfamiliar with this 'different equals bad' mentality from my own in-laws. DH has never been forgiven for moving away from the area he grew up in as soon as he left university. The rest have stayed where they were but they carry on as though he's committed some terrible betrayal. We are talking many years now, and still it's brought up from time to time. Needless to say, it wasn't an accident that he removed himself to a safe distance of several hours' drive away with the firm intention of never going back.

When I entered the mix, of course it was my fault that he saw little of them even though by then he'd been living independently for almost a decade. Not least, a woman with a mind and a mouth of her own presents serious difficulties to families like this.

Perhaps inevitably, I see nothing of them nowadays. I don't experience that as a loss.

PIL are paying for the holiday so like to control every aspect about it. Example being everyone sitting indoors between 2pm and 4pm. I get bored so went for a walk. This is also attention seeking apparently.

They all wanted to go to a specific place one morning. I was up for this. DH got up and went to get a coffee. Told me they’ll be setting off early so I jumped in the shower, washed my hair, came down for a coffee and they were all sat shoes on waiting to go out!! DH said “are you going to get your shoes on?” So I said “I have to dry my hair and have a quick coffee yet!” SIL started taking her shoes off clearly looking pissed off and MIL muttered “half the day will be gone by time we get going”. Nobody told me we were on a strict time schedule! If I’d known we had to be out by a certain time I’d have got ready earlier but DH said I was attention seeking by insisting on drying my hair and having a coffee when I knew they wanted to set off. If my hair dries naturally it goes incredibly frizzy and awful. He knows this.

I also think it's this.

Or Pastel de Belem to give it the original name

books flights to Lisbon

They sound a bit controlling to me. I would find it odd that you are supposed to all eat/drink collectively the same thing. Why?? Everyone has different tastes. I’ve never spent time with people who expect everyone to eat/drink the same thing and would find it really weird.
Just because somewhere is famous for something doesn’t mean every member of the family should have it. I’ve gone to ice cream places with my family but don’t really like ice cream so I often just have a drink. That’s normal I think 🤷🏻‍♀️.

It does appear you're going out of your way now to order something different when with them. Fair enough if you've had enough of all getting the same thing, but it will be very obvious to them what you're doing and understandably annoying the more and more you do it.

Stop hanging out with them so much if they're turning you into that kind of person.

No OP. You weren’t wrong at all.

Your H and In-laws seem incredibly rigid, strange and unfair.

Looking at a menu and wanting to choose your own dish/drink independently as an ADULT, isn’t a crime. It should be encouraged.

I wouldn’t dream of getting annoyed/upset at a family member, spouse or friend if they wanted to choose something different to me in a restaurant.

Please ignore anyone on this thread trying to tell you you’re in the wrong or that “there must be a backstory” because they sound just as weird and anal as your H and in-laws.

I think this was different because they weren’t asking what drink you wanted. They asked if you wanted a pineapple mocktail.

Ordering 6 pineapple mocktails is much easier for your FIL than everyone wanting different drinks and him ordering 6 separate ones. It would also have taken much longer to make.

If you don’t like pineapple (and DH knows that then he’s a knob) then that’s fair enough but I wouldn’t have waited either if I was FIL. I offered you a pineapple mocktail and that’s it.

With the restaurant it’s hard without knowing exactly, but you likened it to cinnamon buns and a fry up. That would annoy me a little bit if we had all pre agreed to cinnamon buns because presumably that would only be a quick breakfast. Cinnamon bun & drink and then leave. If you suddenly decide to look at the menu, browse, order a cooked breakfast, wait for it and then eat it then it more than likely doubles the amount of time they expected to stay there.

Attention seeker isn’t the word I’d use though.

It sounds like your husband's parents enjoy shared experiences and treating people to them. You don't want to share those experiences, and it puts a bit of a dampener on things when you hold them back from making a 'grand' gesture like quickly ordering six of a certain drink on a whim.

I'm the tricky element in my family when it comes to food (I don't eat meat, I'm allergic to shellfish etc etc) but I go along with all sorts to make them happy in the moment. I've eaten loads of MIL's thickly margarined sandwiches on days out because she loves being the provider and she's be upset if I rejected her offer. Sometimes we have to be slightly inconvenienced to make others feel good in that moment. Unless it's something I can't eat or drink, I'm going to be polite and let my in-laws enjoy doing something that makes them feel good.

What 'making a fuss' is there about this? She asked to see the menu! They created this issue: OP didn't.

If I said to someone ‘don’t start now’ it would hundred percent mean they’ve got form. It isn’t the sort of thing you say for a first time annoyance.

@Bababear987 "And wouldnt the pineapple drink have likely been lovely too?" Not if, like me, you're not a fan of pineapple! 😂

By "that kind of person" I just mean if both sides are bringing out a side of eachother due to annoyance, irritation etc, it's not worth it