Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

@PooStep Hmmm, I'm torn on this one. I think I would have gone along with their choice of breakfast on the first morning because they were all excited about it and as you'd never tried it either, what would have been the harm of joining in? It was just one breakfast and you could try new things for breakfast on the other mornings.
However, I do find their "we all have to eat/drink the same thing all the time" attitude a bit weird and personally I wouldn't be happy about it or being made to feel like I'm being awkward (or "attention-seeking") because I don't share all their tastes. (I'm not a fan of pineapple and would not have wanted that cocktail and really wouldn't see the harm in choosing something different.)
A question: is your inclination to do something different limited to food/drink? Or do you question the group's choices on things to do too? The reason I ask is because when you agree to go on holiday with a larger group, compromise is key, and I wonder if you're always the one who questions the group's agreement to do something and they're getting a bit fed up with it? Just something to think about OP, but I don't think you're entirely in the wrong here.

It’s entirely possible she did want to try the Mystery Dish then, when she saw it being served, didn’t like the look of it and changed her mind. The pineapple drinks example sounds like she didn’t agree to have one at all, she committed the cardinal sin of wanting to consult the menu before choosing a drink.

Ordering your own item from the menu is hardly being 'difficult'. Brings to mind that scene from Titanic where Cal is dominating Rose to the extent that he orders her food for her! Barmy.

OP is an adult. She's more than capable of choosing her own food.

I think some families ’toe the line’ more than others and it takes a bit of getting used to. My dad came from a large family where everyone went along with the consensus, it was accepted that it kept life simple. So if they were buying ice creams, for example, everyone got the same.
My mum came from a hippy, creative family. Everyone was encouraged to do their own thing, they actively ordered different things so they could all try each other’s food.
It took them both a while to get used to each other’s way of doing things, and as children we understood that when we were with our Dad’s parents it was different from when we were with our mum’s!

I was thinking the mystery over the breakfast item was related to the fact it probably was an item like churros and OP wanted the full English.

Not quite so easy to maintain the pretence at the different timings it took to prepare the different dishes. 😀

Hmm, in general, order what you want. In this situation I would have probably gone along with them though as it seemed to be the reason you were going there was to have a local speciality and you said you wanted to try it too. They were probably a bit put out but didn’t have the decency to hide it for whatever reason.

I think they are being very harsh and you can order what you want. But...
Do you do that everytime? Like if a restaurant is famous for something and you havent had it before wouldnt it stil be you trying something different to get the same as everyone else? And wouldnt the pineapple drink have likely been lovely too? Tbh my dad can be like this, always has to make ordering a simple thing so much more faffy and I think hes just a contrarian. He would love the same thing everyone else has but wont get it just because everyone else has ordered it.

No, you were NOT attention seeking! They were! They seem to have this obsessive cult hive mind where anyone being different or having a mind of their own is seen as a threat. I'd be reading your 'D' H the riot act for not having your back and tell him he should be ashamed and he'd better fucking do a 180 if he expects to ever be intimate again or if he wants to keep his marriage. Really, DON'T push this under the rug. I'd read him the fucking riot act so bad he wouldn't know where to look and beg for forgiveness. How DARE him! It's your holiday too, and you can't even choose something you like, on your own holiday, because his bullying parents and sister act like a fucking brethren or hamish cult?!??

Now, not sharing what the MBI was - and what you ordered for breakfast that took a while extra 15 minutes - IS attention seeking.

Was asking for the menu really so bad?

No!

What a bizarre family. I wouldn’t cope with this batshittery.

By refusing to name the item and keep us all guessing

Of course you weren’t unreasonable. Your PIL sound very controlling and their kids used to not disagreeing with them. It sounds quite a toxic parent/child relationship, almost like they have slipped back into the roles they had on holiday as children with the parents telling the kids (including you) off for not doing exactly as they say. I’d just turn round and remind them I’m neither 8 years old or their child. I’d spend the rest of the holiday going out alone.

Are some of your in-laws on here, surely there can’t be that many people who think a grown woman can’t choose what she would like for breakfast or to drink.

They sound toxic and abusive - Your DH sounds like a child that’s suffered this all his life and is trying to placate his abusers and is frightened of making them angry by disagreeing.

If you have kids never leave them alone with the in-laws.

Auto correct is putting a capital on the quick (although didn’t this time! For transparency)

the drink wouldn’t have taken longer if he’d have just waited a few minutes for me to choose one and then ordered them all together. It only took longer because they made all theirs together, then he paid and walked off with them all before I could even order mine.

well churros is hardly something no one ever ate in the uk anymore than a bacon buttie

Um, yes?

I've been to plenty of places on holiday that only do one dish. Including, memorably, being taken by a local to a place that turned out only did eel. I found out I like eel!

It sounds like they have a habit of everyone doing the same thing (your dh was probably brought up with it). It’s unusual so your quite normal view of trying different things jars with them in a way other families wouldn’t notice. Maybe they see it as you thinking their choices aren’t good enough for you (not saying that’s true, just how they might look at it).

I would find it really weird if my entire family ate the same dish at a restaurant and expected everyone else to as well.

I honestly think the focus on the food and drink aspect of this is getting caught up in a nuance when my suspicion is this is a far bigger issue within the family dynamic. Of course on this one point anyone can argue that you have the right to pick from the menu but this isn’t about this one point I’m sure. There will be a back story and it will probably be a long and involved back story.

if you are being called an attention seeker then this is bigger than food.

The pineapple mocktail is sadly an example that you don't read the room regarding his family, it was a pineapple mocktail that was being looked at / discussed and then offered. full stop.

It wasn't cocktails in general, it was this specific pineapple one, thus with this family it was a choice of having a pineapple cocktail or not having a pineapple cocktail...

Sounds like your dh isn't on your side when it comes to his family

Yes, me too. No menu, you just say ‘One, please’. (Not eel, though…)

She hasn’t said that though. She’s been quite clear that when she realised there were other items available, THAT’s when she decided to go off-piste. She hasn’t said anything about not liking the look of the mystery dish.

I agree about the drinks - her husband decided on her behalf. But I suspect OP has form and the fam have decided she’s awkward/not a team player. It was still rude of them to be so blunt about their opinions, but the actual accusation of ‘attention-seeking’ came from her husband, not the out-laws.

I want churros now.

😂 Yes, they do sound a bit like that. I think that's why I'm on the fence on this one.

This level of fuss and pernicketiness from you would drive me utterly insane. Really, why can't you just get what everyone else is getting (or don't get anything), keep up with the group, stop demanding special treatment, and cut out the 'look at me look at me' behaviour?

I find it really weird when there's no personal choice and all members of a family have to eat the same thing like a blob!
As a PP said, tastes are different, what floats someone's boat could have someone else thinking yuk! Like my previous post saying I don't like English breakfasts. So what, I'll choose what I want to eat thanks!