Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Any reason why you married this man?

I don't think it was attention seeking, but you misread the situation, and the importance of the ceremonial first breakfast. Sometimes you have to make compromises, and if you go on hols with other people even more so. Why people do this I've no idea, personally it's my idea of hell.

After the massive build up and fuss I would have had the sodding special breakfast on the first morning just to keep the peace. How hard would it have been, just once? It was obvious that it was a big thing for the rest of the family, now everyone is upset right at the beginning of the holiday.

so why don't you just go without them?

Jeeze yes. Asking to see the menu. The subversive, boat-rocking, disobedient, trouble-making monster!

Actually, I’m starting to feel more sympathy with your ILs. I mean, your hair isn’t their issue.

Maybe just don’t go on holiday together again, as it clearly doesn’t work.

It sounds like communication is lacking on both sides here. I would have definitely asked "what sort of time were you wanting to set off? Just so I know if I've got time to wash/dry my hair" or whatever. I'd also have assumed that if they want to set off early then that means fairly shortly after they get up, not a couple of hours later after showers and coffees.

They are being unreasonable and actually all sound quite controlling. This is a holiday! You should be able to make your own choices not just fall in line. Who is the one making the decisions or is it a combination of all of them?

Being (overly) generous to them it may be that they're used to going on holiday as a family and they are used to all falling in line and doing the same thing as a group. They are still being rude to walk off, complain etc about your choices.

The only thing I'd say is that at breakfast I would have immediately said "please don't wait for mine!" so that they would start. No point theirs sitting there.

There was zero fuss. She asked to look at the options - ordered something she wanted. This is normal behaviour that normal people partake in every day.

The rudeness comes entirely from the in-laws expecting her to do as she is told and eat and drink what they decide.

The fuss is being created by them criticising and having a complete strop over perfectly normal behaviour.

They sound controlling and abusive - not people I would allow to control me.

It sounds like your in-laws were genuinely excited to share something local and meaningful from their own family tradition with you.

I can completely relate — I can picture myself saying to my adult children, “Come on, let’s go to our favourite place for breakfast!” We have a go-to spot and a beloved dish we've enjoyed since the kids were little, and we love including others in that experience.

I've also been on the other side of this. The social cues made it clear that my in-laws wanted to share something special from their usual holiday, with me. I accepted graciously — and ended up discovering a new favourite food.

That said, this is about your in-laws, and on Mumsnet, you certainly won’t be considered unreasonable or rude. It is bound to be their fault!

You would really get on my nerves OP.

Huevos Rancheros? My late OH once spent a long time, a couple of years, regretting not having huevos rancheros for breakfast in a cafe in Albuquerque so when we went there again of course we had to go to this place and he was annoyed that I didn't want the same thing. Totally irrational!

PIL are paying for the holiday so like to control every aspect about it. Example being everyone sitting indoors between 2pm and 4pm.

Oh God it gets worse.

Absolutely fuck that! And fuck these weird control freaks.

Please don’t go on holiday with these people again. This would drive me to a divorce- if my H was behaving like his parents.

Why won’t you say what the breakfast item
is ?

I had a friend who couldn’t bear the ‘fuss’ as she saw it, of the important rituals her husbands French family had around food when the visited twice a year.
The set times, the table cloth, the tiny tumblers of red wine and water, the aperitif of eating the bread from the day before with some very small thin slices of lovingly carved charcuterie by her FIL with his special pocket knife etc etc.
The discussion about the soup to follow and the main event etc etc.
Clearly resented her older kids excitement about something different going on and sitting around table for longer with GP’s all chatting away.

She would walk around with a bowl of cereal chomping loudly, and say would eat later. Or didn’t fancy ‘dry bread’ and sausage ‘again’ .

Visibly irritated by the whole thing and I also
think jealous of the close relationship
her DH had with his parents, the bonding over food, and outright spite towards her MIL who hated cooking but prioritised eating good food so got on with it ( like most Europeans) whereas my mate was more of a self confessed ‘freezer drawer- whore’

She admitted it tbf.
At the time I thought you do you, but looking back now I think she was petty and her husband should have called it out

If you've been taken to somewhere to try something specific, and when you get there you order something else then yes, you are being unreasonable. Just go along and try it, ffs.

Quick Look is being auto-capitalised because it's a Mac OS feature and she's clearly using an iOS or macOS device, eg an iPhone or iPad. The OS is programmed to do exactly the same for any other proprietary feature, eg Apple TV, FaceTime etc.

She could be someone who is consistently contrary in a contrived way though. If you’re with someone who always has to go against the grain for the sake of it you might get fed up with it. I just feel there is more to this.

OP didn't make a fuss though, she chose to have something to eat that she wanted. How is that making a fuss?

i have in-laws that do that too, usually when we've spent a fortune to put a big lunch spread on and they turn up and tell us they only had breakfast an hour ago and aren't hungry...

We've stopped putting food on for them now, invite them for dinner instead, and order in when everyone is (finally) hungry.

I don’t think you were being unreasonable in the restaurant once you realised they did other things - I can certainly imagine a situation where I’ve agreed to go along despite not really fancying the speciality and then something more to my taste is available. But I would have ordered something as similar as possible e.g. if everyone else was getting cinnamon buns, I’d have ordered a pain au chocolat rather than a full English.

The pineapple mocktail I would have seen as a “take it or leave it” offer - they were talking about that specific drink, not “shall we get a drink”. So that was a bit unreasonable.

I don’t think either are attention seeking, though. That’s a weird thing for your DH to say.

Honestly op, you and your 'quick' looks and now your 'quick' coffee! I think I can see why you cause tension with people who perhaps don't know you as well as your own family and friends.

I wonder if this is symptomatic of a larger issue. Are there other ways you're 'different' from your in-laws, OP? In general, I mean. Not on the holiday.

Well I think that your inlaws are just sick of your shit. The fact that you've started this thread and are deliberately not saying what this mysterious breakfast item is or what you ordered is proof of that. Why would you be so vague for no reason??

Hmmm, Another example of when an OP
gets mixed replies, they need to start upping the anti in order to capture the swing voters.

Are they also choosing what clothes you must all wear aswell ? What side of the bed you can sleep on lol?
How many chews before you can swallow ?

Told me they’ll be setting off early so I jumped in the shower, washed my hair, came down for a coffee and they were all sat shoes on waiting to go out!!

So why did you wash your hair, knowing you would need to wait for it to dry, when you also knew they wanted to set off early?

They sound controlling and hive mind types. You seem awkward, contrary and unable to read the room. Both sides seem to be poor at communicating. I say ‘sides’ but they’re all on one side together and you’re on the other side on your tod. Must make for a miserable holiday experience.

I’d stop going on holiday with them for a start. Your personality types sound like a fatal combination.

Because she ordered a cooked breakfast when everyone else was having pastries