Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Your body you get to chose what to eat - they are being off - possibly wanting to be “a clan “ that all does the same and thinks the same

Good grief. Having your own preferences is not a “desire to be different”. Are you really that conformist that you think people exercising free will is some kind of insult?

The wide eyed innocence is a tricky one to pull off more than once .

Absolutely anybody is entitled to do what they want and I'm a firm believer in that

Life is also about compromise and sometimes we do things that aren't exactly what we would choose for a whole variety of reasons. With all the fanfare I'd have tried it on this one occasion out of intrigue.

I am a fuss pot and would not be up for always having the same en masse meals either.

But this OP agreed to it beforehand and went to the restaurant with her family for the express purpose of sampling that dish, only changing her mind as FiL was placing the order. So I think it’s a bit different. Maybe if she didn’t agree to do things she didn’t want in the first place, there would be less of an issue.

Very odd of them. Looking at the menu and ordering something else seems normal. The restaurant were pretty crap in not timing the food to come together your family sound mean.

And if it was a pastel de nata from Pastel de Belém I can see their point - completely.

I noticed that capitalisation too, but assumed this was an autocorrect issue or something? (Though not entirely sure for what…)

ETA. Eg. I used to live near Manor House tube station in north London, and my iPad still autocorrects it to capitals if I happen to be writing about an actual manor house.

I'm a little on the fence here. If the point of that trip was to eat that item, and then you decided to be different, it is a bit of a middle finger to everyone else... you then did the same thing over the mocktails.

You're totally within your right to eat/drink what you want, but perhaps with the breakfast another occasion may have been better.

I do wonder if you need to ask yourself if you feel the need to be 'different' or go against the flow a lot, and perhaps ask yourself why. If this is a regular habit of yours then it would get irritating.

I also think you're attention seeking by refusing to say what the breakfast food was, acting like it's some big secret.

Good grief, have your DH’s family no manners? They’re acting like bullies.

It’s your holiday too. They shouldn’t expect to dictate what you eat or drink. You went along with what they wanted to do, i.e. go to the place for breakfast. What you ate there is entirely up to you.

As for refusing to buy you a cocktail because you didn’t want the same as them, then walking away and leaving you. Argh!

They sound rude and toxic. Eye rolling! Your DH sounds awful. He should have your back, not be speaking to you like a child: “don’t start this!”. You’re a grown woman with agency. Not a child who has to do as expected by a family herd. A woman making her own choices shouldn’t be seen as ‘difficult’.

Who paid for the holiday? If you and DH paid for yourselves, I’d keep my distance from them as much as possible. Obviously, don’t go out of your way to be separate. Be charming and fun when in their company. Don’t cause an atmos. Don’t react if they get unpleasant. But stand your ground. Don’t do or eat anything you don’t want to. Stick to your own choices and pay with your own money. If they don’t like it, it’s their problem. Why would they care what you eat or drink? Weird.

If they paid, you’ll have to be a little more conciliatory. But I assume you have your own spending money, so I’d insist on paying for everything for myself. Your pay, you choose.

On the face of it I would say of course you should be able to order a different item. However thinking about it more, it may have a knock on effect for the entire day if the rest of the family have a coffee and pastry for breakfast and you have a full English for example, you are going to have different expectations for meal times and types of food for the rest of the day.

If it's habitually what you do all the time I can we why he might be annoyed when someone is generously offering to get you something and you're the one that everyone has to wait for each time...it's sort of going against the norms of their little family group..they are trying to include you and although it seems silly they feel rejected that you don't join in..it also maybe does make it feel a little like you're saying thanks for the offer but I'll see if there is anything better.....I don't find it attention seeking...but I would on a family trip trying to be pleasant..and make things easy and happy for my husband if I knew that was a bit of a trigger for his family I wouldn't keep pressing it all the time.

Light hearted.

I don’t get keeping the mystery breakfast item a secret when we’re all itching to know, it’s gathering more attention than the story so maybe they have a point and there is history.

I am going to make my guess - I say …..

Granita & Brioche

Your 'D'H and his family are all massive dicks, and bullies.

They are taking your alternative decision to theirs as criticism. It is in a way: you ALL might like that, but for me, no it's not nice enough.

If you are always the sort to paddle your own boat, I imagine they do see you as aloof and not wanting to really be part of their family. It might be subconscious, but I can see how you being the one outlier in all these choices does send that message.

I would just tell husband that I'll have a down day and maybe you can all get together tomorrow instead.

And then I'd go off and do my own thing. But be polite and friendly whenever I saw everyone again. Ask about their day, what they did.

Are they the kind of family who wear 'team/ family matching t-shirts' on holiday?

I can kind of see their point. They were looking forward to having a shared experience and although you said you wanted to you then didn’t join in, held everyone up while you looked at the menu, sat empty handed while they all oohed and ahhed about the treat, but it would be less fun because not everyone was experiencing it now, and then held them up further while you ate your breakfast after they had finished theirs. Part of that is the restaurant’s fault, but it is perhaps a perceived slight in that you didn’t like their recommendation.

Had you said something like ‘I’d love to come along for breakfast. I’m not a big fan of cinnamon buns/eggs/whatever but I fancy a coffee and toast’ that would have been fine, but you are coming across as a bit of a princess here.

constantlt having to waot for an awkward person would fuck me off to but fear not, I doubt you will be invited next year

OP herself has said she likes to try different things. The mystery dish she agreed to WOULD have been different because she’s never had it before.

The only sense in which it WASN’T different was that everyone else in the group was also having it.

Which makes me think that yes, she may have form for changing her mind/selecting something different to everyone else (not necessarily food-related) just for the sake of being ‘different’.

You're on holiday, eat whatever the fuck you want. They sound insufferable.

Your DH and his family are bloody rude and have the manners of dogs.
Why can't you have something you want? You are on holiday it wouldn't kill them to wait for you.
Incidentally I'm dying to know what the speciality was.

It sounds like you are not compatible holiday companions with your ILs and this should probably be the last time you do. They enjoy the all in this together, shared experiences type of holiday. You might prefer the let’s all do our own thing and meet up at the end of the day version. Neither are wrong but different expectations. You’ve now found out what you’re in for so you have the choice of continuing to go against the grain and distance yourself further or suck it up and get on board for the sake of good relations. I suspect this may be the source of your DHs irritations. Chances are you both knew the ILs would be like this but agreed to go on holiday with them anyway.

this place is famous for X, they’re excited to go and for you to try it and for it to be a bit of a family experience then, unless you know you hate it or are allergic, you just try the damn dish
Why though? Brunch options are awesome, but some like savoury and some like sweet. Say it's huevos rancheros is the specialty; I would love it while DH would want something sweet so would have a bit of mine and something else. Say it's cinnamon buns or pastel de nata that's the specialty, DH would love it but I'd rather have a bacon roll and then a bite of his to try.

Is anyone else STARVING thinking about all these yummy brunch options?

My instinct is that they see you as slightly removed from the family by choice. Every time you then choose to do something different than the core group it cements that view in their head. No doubt this has been talked about away from you and now every time you make a separate choice they eye roll.

Is your marriage solid? The fact that your husband is siding with them and using phrases they have no doubt used makes me think it isn’t.