Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

I suspect they have holiday together for years and sort of know what the 'rules' are as it's family norm, but have omitted to tell you what they are. Like what time 'early' means. But that was your husband setting you up to fail though, he should have said what time to meet to leave. I'd be challenging him on that (and quite a lot more I suspect).

If PiL's are paying they clearly expect total control over every aspect, which for most people wouldn't be acceptable. So you weren't going out for breakfast, you were going out to eat that specific thing. Your weren't being offered 'a drink' you were being told it's pineapple of nothing else. Your mistake was thinking (understandably) you have a choice, whereas in this family you don't get choices. Objecting to you going for a walk is ridiculous as how does that affect them if they are just lolling around indoors? Again, that's about control.

Obviously you have a serious DH problem. Either he genuinely things you are being difficult deliberately OR he's embarrassed you are 'stepping out of line' and can't stand up to his parents/family. Either way that's a problem. Personally, no more holidays with in-laws and being clear with DH he isn't to call you names like 'attention seeking'. And if he can't respect your autonomy, maybe time to part ways.

How long have you been together? There must be other signs this family is odd/enmeshed/dysfunctional?

Make this your last holiday together! You’re too different and that’s fine.

They obviously have a bit of a routine and there seems to be a lack of communication.

If they were all having a pastry and you ordered a cooked meal that is really odd. Fine to choose your own thing but it does affect the group having to then wait for you. Ordering and eating a pastry probably takes 10 mins in total.

For your morning outing, you should all have agreed a time to leave the night before, and then you, knowing you need to dry your hair could have got up earlier. But did you really need to wash your hair if they were eager to go out early? Your DH was mean not making you a coffee!!

The pineapple drink thing - probably wouldn’t have pissed them off if it wasn’t for the other stuff. But I can see why they thought “oh just get your own”.

Or they could not be nutters and insist that everyone sits indoors with them for much of the afternoon.

Oh my reason is much simpler. I'm just loving the increasingly descriptive ways that a breakfast on holiday has turned into a shared experiential cultural event 😭

Wouldn't mind but I bet they'll all be off to the Dog and Ferret later for fishbowl cocktails and the FIL ends up being sick in the local wishing well fountain.

I agree!

I made it up as I thought it would be a random thing to eat for breakfast

She was happy enough for the ILs to pay for the holiday for them all though. If someone else was paying, I'd be doing my best to make sure they were having a nice time!

Exactly it.

How fucking weird of them. No one would be telling me what I'm eating.

However, I would never expect someone to wait on me, and would encourage them to eat while their food was hot.

Doubtful. She complained about them not waiting for her to order her drink and seemed put out by them also not waiting for her food to arrive at the restaurant before starting on theirs.

So an actual mass exodus is unlikely to have gone down well.

And she wasn't forced to do anything.
If you go to someone's house and they've told you they are making their famous lasagne, is it ok to pull out some ham sandwiches and say "I brought these just in case I didn't fancy the lasagne, and I don't"? You are a guest in both cases.

Your husbands family seem to have this pattern of doing everything together, eating and drinking the same thing. As if this was a rule in the family. Sounds a bit unusual to me but its fine. Until they start playing it against you that is. Its absolutely fine to want to have a look at the menu and order what you like. They are in the wrong to comment on it, belittle you for it, etc. Calling it attention seeking is completely bonkers. Sounds manipulative to me, perhaps gaslighting too.

Its unproffesional from the restaurant to serve people at one table at different times. Fair enough they didnt want to let their food get cold but again, no comments on this were appropriate. I appreciate the husband /another person not related to your husbands family/ mentioned waiting for your food though.

Do they have a form for this? Any other strange behavious?

There was a poster who agreed and said she would be furious if her husband had the audacity to go for a walk instead of enforced family time.

I always read these threads and goggle at other humans. But I am possibly autistic so perhaps that’s why. Although I maintain even given this that on a family holiday it’s perfectly normal for someone to have an hour alone as a one off if they don’t want to join in with something.

It's hard to say without more context, but on the face of it I can definitely see where they're coming from. It's what I'd think of as dilly dallying. Not wrong in itself but when it becomes a pattern it can be really annoying for other people. In your examples you were making everyone else wait for you while you faffed about. Sorry.

Looking at a menu in a restaurant and ordering an item is hardly complicated though.

I do think this ‘sitting inside between 2 and 4 pm is the maddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Oh no….wait

The maddest thing OP is your dh telling you that you going for a walk during scheduled lockdown was attention seeking 🤣🤣

Honestly OP, have a day to yourself. I couldn’t be doing with such a judgemental and controlling family

Last post! 😅

By sitting inside all afternoon on holiday because they told you to, and eating what they tell you to as well?!
There's people pleasing and then there's being an utter mug/doormat 😂

Awww. I thought the thread shut after 2,000 posts! What IS the cut off?

Wow.

It'll shut at a 1000 which is usually 40 pages long

God, don't do that! You'll be ousted!

No, this is irrelevant
because you’re in someone else’s house….obviously

I have just read about the pineapple thing after posting a reply about the breakfast.
I would have had the same as everyone else in this situation as to not rock the boat.
Tomorrow though have what you like.

But someone’s home isn’t a restaurant. I’d always aim for something I know everyone will like if I was inviting people around for dinner, but ultimately if I decide I’m making moussaka and someone else might prefer lasagne, that’s tough luck, because I haven’t made that.

If, however, I was inviting them out to dinner, I would not tell them they couldn’t order the lasagne because I’m the one paying and I like the moussaka, so therefore that’s what we’re ALL having. Because I’m, you know, sane.