Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

If you're going to a specialist cafe that's really famous for serving one thing, and then decide to have something else, it's bound to take longer and not be as good as whatever the specialist thing is. If I was in Spain and went to a famous paella restaurant for example, and my companion decided to have egg and chips because it was available on the menu, I'd wonder why they'd bothered coming along at all.

It does sound like you have form for being difficult, given everyone else's reaction to you not once but twice, OP. I have a friend who always insists on every single menu dish being changed to suit her (due to the insane diet she's always on), and who makes a fuss about what's served up to her 9 times out of 10, and it's sooooo embarrassing but I'm pretty sure she doesn't think she's being difficult in the slightest.

I think you were unreasonable...

But your husband should have stuck up for you regardless, then chatted nicely in private about it.

There is a big difference between different meal expectations. The classic western everyone chooses their own dish.. to the asian we all all eat the same selection of dishes together.. to let's go here to try this specific food.. etc.

I feel like you misread the meal type, and then got called out for it.

If I was travelling in china and decided to do my own order, when the rest of the group were sharing, I'd be considered very rude. Equally if I'm in the UK, and expect to eat some of your dish, I'm rude.. equally if I take you to a tourist place to specially try a local dish, you agree to it, then change your mind and make everyone wait, your a bit rude.

You had me until your last post OP. Sounds like you took a long time to shower and wash your hair (longer perhaps than you realised) and insisting on a coffee when you knew everyone else was waiting was silly.

all that said, your DH’s family clearly don’t like you, and frankly, I don’t think your DH likes you much either - and you need to think what you want to do about that.

I have to holiday with my in laws sometimes and it can be easier to order the same thing, agree to the same outing etc and be agreeable, especially if they are paying. If I indicate dissent I sometimes get death stares from my husband. But I do resent it a bit and try and minimise collective time with them, even though they’re nice people.

This is how it starts. But it's ok because it's just you and so you bite your tongue and go with the flow.

If you add babies and children that you have to care for and advocate for to the mix with these kinds of people, it becomes a fucking nightmare.

I sometimes wish I'd been a bit more bolshy and unreasonable from the start, because actually people do get used to making allowances for bolshy and unreasonable people. Or you're just not invited. Win-win.

I chose YANBU but to be honest after reading your replies I’ve changed my mind.

No one wants to have to wait around for the one specific person who always has to have their own specific want for no apparent reason.

I’d love to know what on earth did you order that took 15min!

But in this example why did you wash your hair if they said they are setting off early? That doesn’t indicate time for a full wash and blow dry of your hair regardless of frizz. You could have left it and just washed it another time.

You've obviously earned yourself the repuation as being difficult and not a team player. That might be unfair but we've all been in group holiday situations when actually, yes, you do need to do the group thing and put you personal preferences to one side. The people who don't do that will annoy the others.

You know when they say that if you don't know who the arsehole is in your friend group, it's probably you?

Most people would find the constant need for attention and interaction somewhere between cringeworthy and irritating after a while.

Clearly your family are all sheep always wanting exactly what PIL want.
Are they scared of them or are the PIL paying for everything all the time and they feel beholden ?

I find your Dh, BIL and SIL always having the same really weird.
I don’t know anyone that wouldn’t want to check out a menu in a restaurant or drink stall before ordering.

You do you OP, your family are unreasonable and controlling. Time for your dh to stand up for himself and you too.

You know when they say that if you don't know who the arsehole is in your friend group, it's probably you?

I've never heard that expression. Probably makes me the arsehole par excellence.

your husband and in laws are bonkers, quite creepy actually. controlling and boring. dump them

My MIL once had a go at me about how long our order was taking in a cafe because I’d asked for a cup of tea and “couldn’t just have a coffee like everyone else”

i think this is a firm YANBU. Your in-laws are a bunch of dicks

I know what bacalhau is as I’m Portuguese, I was just wondering what was “breakfast bacalhau” because I’ve never heard of that in my life.

I honestly can’t think of a Portuguese breakfast that would take them 15min to serve, unless the place was really busy. Our breakfasts are on the small, quick side, even if you order a pressed croissant.

This is why I would never go on holiday with family or friends , a nightmare and I see so many arguments with groups of people holidaying together.
It's your holiday too.
Your husband is an absolute dick.
What was this food item they all had ?

Can't people share in your favourite spot for breakfast experience without being told what they have to eat though?!
They'll still have a nice time and be sharing in your experience!

If the in-laws had followed the 'you do you' philosophy, they'd have fucked off out the front door on their planned trip and left OP to fanny about in the shower time-wasting and doing her hair.

They should have, imo.

Or, you know. Some people are so confident and comfortable that they are in charge of their own lives, that when they accept going on someone else's family holiday, with said family paying, they are quite content to go with their flow for the period they are their guest rather than having to spend every second trying to prove they are not being "controlled".

I think they’re unreasonable expecting everyone to sit indoors in the afternoon. If they weren’t so rigid, perhaps they wouldn’t be obsessed about getting out first thing and OP would have time to do what lots of people do on holiday and take a little time first thing to wake up with a coffee and wash.

Given how bullying and controlling the in laws seem to be I suspect the OP would have been pleased if they’d fucked off

An alternative version but pretty much applicable on a global scale.

And she could have caught up with them later and got ready in peace. Everyone happy.

Yes! I'm very similar! My DH has a lovely family and they have always been very nice to me and including. However, by nature I am a very solitary person - I need lots of my own space/alone time and I get frustrated when there's lots of enforced 'group time'. I do very much enjoy spending time with them, but I also have to keep it to a level that is manageable/acceptable for me. It's defo about striking the right balance so that when I do go along, I can cope with fitting around things that I wouldn't normally do or enjoy as much.

It probaly wasn't a Portuguese style breakfast.

There are a quite a lot of doormats on here, conditioned to people please and go with what the all powerful FIL dictates for the sake of ‘being nice’.

this is why I love MN 😂

Even if someone else is paying I don’t think that means you can be forced to eat what others tell you too.
🤣