Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

OR .......

Learning from things like the breakfast trip for (Churzos?) that trying to accommodate OP's desire to be different is going to ruin this event for everyone else?

I think it depends how you do it, DH will spend 20 minutes pouring over a menu umming and ahhhing over what to have and changing his mind 3 times before he orders and it drives me up the wall, if we’d gone for croissants and he did that then ordered a full English I’d be livid because it takes so much more time to prepare and eat, and we all have to sit there and wait while he finishes it, plus he then wouldn’t be hungry at lunch time when everyone else is.

Your hair washing sounds irritating too, if they’re all sitting there shoes on and ready to go then you either got up too late to wash your hair or spent an irritatingly long time in the shower.

sounds like they’re very unreasonable.

I'm guessing churros and OP ordered avocado on toast with poached egg!

I think the dynamics of a family holiday with PIL's paying does change things a bit for many families.

Politeness suggests that you go with the flow and fit in with the group dynamics.

There has to be something going on for your DH to make the comments that he has done.

I would have happily had the breakfast that everybody was excited about, I would also have had the pineapple mocktail and I would have been downstairs with dried hair and not had the coffee.

"Miss, I'm being bullied!"

"What happened?"

"Johnny asked if I wanted an ice cream and I said no, I'd like a coke, or maybe something else, wait while I look and he said fine, get it yourself then"

There are a quite a lot of doormats on here, conditioned to people please and go with what the all powerful FIL dictates for the sake of ‘being nice’. Of course the biggest crime a woman commit is not being nice so of course OP is a brat and a nightmare.

I imagine there’s a long standing dynamic in the family where op differentiating herself from the hive mind is seen as rude or attention seeking when the issue is her DP and his siblings being conditioned to put their own needs last so mummy and daddy are happy.

Grown adults having a strop because another grown adult won’t eat or drink what they are told or stay indoors when they are told are the attention seeking twats here.

The hair thing, whilst annoying, I imagine was more down to the DP being so conditioned to jumping to mummy and daddy’s schedule that he didn’t communicate what early meant, as everyone should be conditioned to just ‘know’ what the almighty parents expect.

The only AIBU here @PooStep is marrying into a family where the adults are so spineless they can’t choose their own meals without their parents instruction. They don’t like you and you’ll always be problematic as long as you differentiate yourself from a docile child by doing mad things like going for walks or eating an unsanctioned bacon sarnie. How you could bare to share a room much less be married to a man that weak is beyond me. Leave him to his weird family and their communal Pastel del nata and pineapple wankathons.

There is nothing remotely normal about being expected to sit inside between 2 and 4 pm on holiday.

So, not only is OP BU for expecting the choice of what she eats or drinks but also being unreasonable for wanting to wash her hair at a time of her choosing instead of when her ILs find it acceptable. Bizarre.

What on earth is a breakfast bacalhau 😭

Don’t be so silly.

"Livid" if someone orders a full English 😂
This thread is making me remember why I like going places by myself so much 😁

When is picking up a drink an event? Blimey.

It is silly, isn't it.

Bleddy Quick bleddy Everything I'd say.

Sorry I'll try and stop teasing.

I think it's probably just that OP isn't following the general conventions of the family vibe.

God I love this thread thank you op ❤️

"Shared experience"...... of a breakfast that they all wanted to snaffle as quickly as possible and a pineapple drink while speed walking down the street 😂😂😂

I'm going to be gutted when this reaches 1000 posts, op please do another thread 🙏

It's not shared experience as such, it's just poor communication

You are not listening to what is being offered, you are adding your own interpretation

You thought you were all going out for breakfast, but you weren't, you were going out to eat The MBI and you changed the plans at the last second.

FIL asked if you wanted a pineapple drink. You thought you were being offered something from the stand, but you weren't, you were being offered a pineapple drink. If you wanted to see what else there was, your answer is "no thanks, FIL, I'll go and see what there is". Not can you all hang around while I make up my mind whether to take you up on your kind offer or see if there's something better.

This does not seem to be a family that offers open ended options, they offer specifics requiring a yes or no answer

Just listen to the actual question you're being asked and respond specifically to that. You'll find you all get along much better

I think she's unreasonable to want to wash and dry her hair at a time when she knows everyone is sitting around ready to go out. Presumably you disagree with that?

I think their mistake was to wait around for her, seething with resentment. They should have gone out on their planned trip and left her to it.

This reminds me of when H and I went away and went for breakfast where the speciality was pancakes which I ordered. He ordered steak and eggs. I was waiting more than half an hour, twiddling my thumbs for his meal to come and for him eat a huge plate of food. My pancakes arrived in less than 5 minutes and were long gone by the time his food arrived. I don't know why they couldn't co-ordinate the order to arrive at the same time so we could eat together.

We've been away with our children and their partners a few times and we've had a mixture of days together and days apart. No one dictates what is consumed.

OP - will you be holidaying with them in future?

I agree with PPs who have said this is basically a clash of expectations and personalities, where in each case they've proposed a quick group option as a communal experience, and you've held things up perusing the menu for your preferred alternative.

What I never understand is why people would think anyone would want this kind of attention. I am probably a bit more like you - oblivious to the group dynamic and having my own preferences - but I find it excruciating to know that everyone is annoyed at me. Who would sit there basking in the glow of everyone rolling their eyes and making passive-aggressive comments?

You’re agreeing with them, then. Dining with others is often annoying 🙂

Oh gosh… I think with family holidays you just have to go with the flow and suppress your own wants and desires sometimes to make everyone happy and keep the peace. There’s a definite pecking order in families, esp in-laws, and you need to work out where you are within it,

I have to holiday with my in laws sometimes and it can be easier to order the same thing, agree to the same outing etc and be agreeable, especially if they are paying. If I indicate dissent I sometimes get death stares from my husband. But I do resent it a bit and try and minimise collective time with them, even though they’re nice people.

I kind of it want it to run and run too. It's a fascinating insight into the different, and sometimes entrenched, perspectives people have. And why certain types of people REALLY should not go on holiday together.

It's really not inconsiderate on holiday to say when casually passing something that looks good, "wait, I'll have a look and see what else they've got". If there isn't time for that sort of thing on holiday, then it isn't a holiday at all.

The ILs were happy to take time out to stop to get a pineapple drink so it wasn't like there was any hurry, but they weren't happy for the OP to have a good look at what was available. What they want = important. What she'd like to do = annoying.

Their reaction was bizarre. Are you usually a fussy eater who can never just go with the flow? Because I find their collective reaction really strange and uncalled for. Eating theirs before it went cold was fair enough though, but the waiter might have explained and asked if you'd like them all brought together.

Cod. Actually there might be some other Portuguese foods, I'd better have a Quick Look...

This is so funny and bizarre to me because I really wouldn’t get annoyed at someone asking a bus driver a question or wanting to enquire about menu items. 😂

Sending condolences to you though. I hope you’ve managed to get over that difficult period of your life with that person.