Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Even less from Lidl and they are even better than the Tesco ones.

That actually happened to me once, in laws and DP all had a local dish from one big pan on the table that looked 🤢 I had a roast, got light friendly piss taking from them for being boring.

Mine was 👌 they spent the entire next day shitting through the eye of a needle while I had a great day round the pool on my own 😂

It's rude and controlling to quickly offer something and then not hang around waiting while they say they want to look at menus and choose something else?

If I was asked "does everyone want a pineapple thing" I'd say "yes" or "no", but again, you do you.

Are you the OP’s MIL?
Why shouldn’t she choose what she wants?

Apparently posters have decided it that’s portuguese custard tart. Not verified as yet by OP though.

😁

You do sound like a bit of a fussy faffer, op. It’s hard work going away in a group with a fussy faffer because they always want something different, always seem to be on their own (often painstakingly slow) agenda and can never just go with the flow.

I’ll admit I have elements of it too op, as when I’m on holiday and especially paying for it I do like to feel as if I’m getting what I want out of it, however I do at least apologise when I am being ‘awkward’ and show some self-awareness. I’ll also know to bite my tongue and go with the flow even if the group wishes aren’t in alignment with my own because there’s an element of team work in making these trips, whether travelling around the world or on a weekend break, work for everyone.

It's pretty clear the OP is always the odd one out, dancing to her own tune. Whether that's because her in laws are controlling and that's her way of rebelling, or because she really is difficult and selfish is something we can't know from the information given. Either scenario is equally possible. Anything else is just conjecture.

What did you think would happen? He told you they’re going for a quick coffee and then leaving early - so you decided to shower, not just wash your body but your hair too knowing it takes ages to dry, then when they were ready to set off you still had to dry your hair and grab a coffee ffs!

So while they had a coffee and you decided to shower and wash your hair, what did you think they would do after their coffee? You must have known they’d be left waiting for you?

There’s been other examples listed in your thread too. Are you an ‘attention seeker’ ? I don’t know. But you certainly sound very difficult to be around that’s for sure. I’d perhaps use this feedback and reflect on your behaviour and look at it from a personal development / personal growth perspective.

Do you think perhaps you could be neurodivergent? Your thought processes seem completely different to everyone you’re with, so it may be that you just synthesise information differently and that’s absolutely fine! Maybe look at some self awareness courses when you get back to try and improve relations x

Yes I feel this is part of a bigger and a deeper picture.

Well, she DOES seem to like to keep people waiting. 😉

Indeed, it's like she's relishing the attention

This is a VERY good post, op. Please read it.

If everyone is going to stop for a snack or a drink, it's polite to build in time to give people a chance to look at the menu or make their own choice.

This is the difference between holidays being arranged to meet everyone's needs and some people's needs being ignored.

To be so set on your own agenda that you'd happily ignore other people's food and drink preferences is just rude, especially if there's no real hurry and you're just put out that they don't want what you think they should have.

No you are not attention seeking OP. You are all adults. Order and eat what you want.

Ah yes. I’m on tenterhooks wanting to know 😁 I feel it can’t be something as prosaic as those tarts as you can get them anywhere now. I’ve bought them in my local Lidl, they’re nothing to get too excited about.

I think they’re being a bit ridiculous over the food thing. I get that they all love the churros/breakfast burritos/pastel de Nata or whatever it is, but I don’t see how you eating something different stopped them enjoying it. Maybe if you ordered something that was guaranteed to take a lot longer, they might have reason to worry about being delayed, but the fact that they threw a strop when you even ASKED to look at the menu is pathetic.

On the getting ready thing, this sounds like miscommunication. Because they’re so stuck in their ways (“But we always stay indoors between 2 and 4) they’re not bothering to communicate clearly - so when you hear “early”, you think “maybe around 10 - 10.30” (for example), what they mean is 9 on the dot. They need to remember they have a relative newcomer with them - but you can help here too. Now that you know they won’t bother to tell you that they mean “be ready for 9”, next time they suggest going out, ask directly what time they expect to go - and if they just say “early”, push for a time. Say you don’t want to hold anyone up. And also, don’t be afraid to say “I’m not really in the mood for a trip around the markets; feel free to go without me though. I’m happy to have a sunbathe here”.

Do what you need to do to get through this trip, then don’t go with them in the future. Your expectations of a holiday simply don’t align.

I initially thought they were unfair but with your example about the day out, it does seem you’re being difficult! They wanted to leave early and you know how long it takes to shower and dry your hair!

Probably a ‘free spirit’ 🤔

Yeah you lost me at this point, if everyone is leaving early why would you expect them to wait while you have a coffee and go dry your hair? Not reasonable, you get ready quickly and IF there’s time then get a coffee.

I don’t think group holidays are the best idea going forward as you do tend to need to go along with what the majority want which is obviously an issue 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ordering different food / drinks is perfectly fine but the morning wait is madness

If you dislike someone enough that you’re not prepared to give them a couple of minutes to decide what they - not you, they - would like to drink, best not to holiday with them. Holidays are generally about relaxing a little, yes?, not finely tuned route marches where everyone has to eat and drink the same things as decided by the holiday boss in chief.

FIL sounds like a bit of a bully who is used to dictating to everyone and does not take kindly at all to the slightest dissent.

Choose your own food and drink? How very dare you?! If you won’t blindly accept my choices, buy your own.

This thread is wild. Happy holidays, everyone 😁

Very much so.first day away with all the family and Everyone excited about trying something new Together...and you had to go and do that??!!!you sound like a real brat tbh!

How is it attention seeking to want to eat something different to everyone else?!
So bizarre to expect everyone to eat the same as you and your day out "ruined" or whatever because someone didn't want a churro and you did?!

Yes, it's so unbelievably rude just to march off while someone you are with is choosing their own drink.

Also if you want people to be ready for a certain time, then give them a time!

Do they all do everything the same? Quite odd!