Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Bloody hell, who'd have thought having family traditions would be so inflammatory. You can all stop now, I get it, I'm a horrible rude controlling person and you're all so much better than me. Just don't forget that real people are behind these posts, with real issues which go beyond what anyone has for fucking breakfast.

If grandchildren arrive, a spoke will well and truly be thrown into the well-oiled machine, whether they like it or not, and either the holidays together will end or everyone will adapt.

My ILs now make accommodations for the children (buy food they will eat, don't make them wait until 4pm for their first meal, didn't make a fuss when I had to breastfeed DC2) because they've realised that the alternative isn't going to make a nice day out for anyone.

The suspense is too much. 28 pages I've scrolled through and I still don't know what the mystery breakfast item is and now I'm wondering whether I accidentally missed a page where it was announced 🤔

It looks as though you are trying to be contrary: you’re rejecting them by seemingly doing something different (which you can do as it is your free will). I wonder if it’s you trying to exert control and boundaries? If the in-laws are paying for everything then it’s also going to be seen as a bit rude to always want something different

being told the trip is leaving early in the morning absolutely means don’t fanny around washing hair etc - you weren’t reasonable there

Just wait till all 5 of them get food poisoning and you didn’t because you chanced something different.

Just read all your updates OP and while, as I said, I think you were totally in the right to order something from the menu in the restaurant, your being late for the group outing due to washing and drying your hair and wanting coffee was extremely annoying for everyone else involved and YWBU on that occasion. But, as others have pointed out, this could have been avoided by establishing the time by which you had to be ready. "Early" can mean anything.

but if the same seller has different drinks as well why not have a different one?

I would think that when she goes away with his family, she doesn't make specific plans or buy tickets for things. She lets them set the intinerary and the pace.

Indeed. Particularly when OP agreed to the plan in advance and then changed her mind when she got there which meant five of them ate together and then OP ate alone with five others watching her - and this lengthened their stay at the restaurant, which they may also have been irritated about. Some PPs are saying that OP's ILs should include her in the planning discussions - well they did, and it still didn't work out.

if no time was specified then I don't see that at all!

They sound incredibly hard work. Do they make a big deal about a lot of things? I'd find this exhausting. You're definitely not the attention seeker here.

Well I used to do it for about 10 years running & loved every second. Great big extended family - up to 23 of them, all In-laws, aged 12 - 86. I did all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't normally do, & behaved in ways that I'd normally not behave in. I loved it and miss it.

There were alcoholics & teetotalers, Vegans, "Don't like foreign food", and adventurers. It's like a buffet - you pick what you like, everyone has something different so it ends up like Jack Spratt & his wife.

In OP's scenario - she's entitled to do whatever she wants on her holiday, but I plumped for Unreasonable because I thought I saw a pattern. The group had agreed to go to XXX (say a Fish & Chip Shop) for the local speciality. On arrival OP decides to have YYY instead - it's not a hanging offence, but I interpreted MiL, SiL, & DH reactions as "here she goes again!".

Similarly with the group outing - everyone else has to delay the activity because OP is working to a different clock. That's just not reasonable.

I think that OP should go with everyone else's group think, or else not go at all. Trying to force the group to do what she wants is the worst outcome for everyone.

PooStep is the OP's username!

Well, the vegetarians and coeliacs will just have to stop being attention-seekers, won't they? 😉

Because it wasn't what was offered?

He offered to get everyone a pineapple thing. She started "ooh, ah, I might want something else" so he said "Fine, I'll get the others what was offered, you sort yourself out". Then she got annoyed they didn't all wait for her.

DH said I was attention seeking by insisting on drying my hair and having a coffee when I knew they wanted to set off.

Maybe not attention-seeker, but rude certainly.

If it was DH suddenly deciding to do his own thing for 30mn when everybody is ready to leave, you would get pissed off.

Attention seeking for not wanting what everyone else was having? The family sounds like a bunch of plebs.

🤣

It's not difficult. Take everyone's reasonable needs and preferences into account when planning a holiday together, or at least leave space and time for others to meet their own needs, rather than imposing your own programme on them 24/7. So say 'we'll be stopping at McDonalds first thing, do you know what you'd like to order?' rather than 'We usually have this so assuming you'll be having it too'.

If you don’t like pineapple, get your own.

Again, rude and controlling.

I'm actually a fan of the ILs and DH not pandering to the OP and leaving her to it when she tries to make every occasion about herself.

And kudos to the ILs for still taking the DH on holiday despite knowing what she's like.

On the face of it no you are not an attention seeker. But if you delve a bit deeper then yes i think you are not embracing the family and the free holiday and are making it about you at every opportunity.

A family holiday for them may be slightly different to what you are used to. It sounds like there has been enough situations to realise that if you are not going to be the centre of attention at every crossroads of the holiday then it is assumed/expected that everyone does the same thing. The eating experience is just that. Its a family experience and maybe, just maybe everyone enjoys doing it that way. OK its entirely reasonable for someone to choose something different off the menu, however if part of the experience is to go in and order 6 of the same, then you doing differently is taking something away from the experience. Lots of people enjoy going into places and asking 'i will have the usual please' as a sign of endearment. Maybe you took that away. Small issue, yes but nonetheless you could have just went with the flow.

TBH it sounds like you have a personality clash and you have two choices. Accept this is how they all like to holiday and take part or be an attention seeker and do your own thing.

When in Rome......

This. Not difficult.

You say that, I was diagnosed coeliac recently and one of my first thoughts was my ex mil would have rolled her eyes at this, insisting that I am making it up and I’ll eat what I’m given! Glad she’s ex mil!!

You’d know that though when they told you they want to eat this particular item that morning. Surely you would have said sorry I can’t eat eggs so I’ll have to eat something else when they first broached the subject? (Nothing to do with OP’s situation but just generally would you not have said?)