Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Oh no, OP might be called a narcissist and divorced from her 'D'H if she doesn't eat and drink the same as her PILs for every single meal and wants to blow dry her hair before going out. It sounds like it would be a blessed relief not be be married to her unsupportive DH and not to holiday with or even see her PILs any more.

Because when a PP posted: "If the place is famous for its cinnamon buns and you ordered a full English (for example), maybe they have a point ..." OP replied: "Yes ok this is a very similar scenario so maybe I was wrong on this occasion."

Breakfast - so you knew what the item was going to be, you could have therefore said prior to going 'I'll likely be picking something else from the menu as I don't really enjoy XYZ'. Communication. YABU.

Mocktails - a sudden/immediate choice so yes, you were absolutely in the right to choose what to drink and not be dictated to. YANBU

Going to do something - you were told they were leaving 'early'. If you knew you had to wash your hair in the morning, why didn't you ask 'what time do you want me ready by?' To expect them to wait for you whilst you did your hair and have a coffee is unreasonable. Communication again. YABU.

Are his parents very 'controlling' OP? When he's asked to do anything for them, is it a case of 'how high' rather than yes/no response? This could be why your DH is acting the way he is; he's trying to keep the peace, trying to stop either or both his parents kicking off...I'm not saying DH's behaviour isn't awful, because it is, but there may be an explanation.

I'd not be going on holiday with them again if I were you!

Sorry OP, if you have chosen to go in holiday with a group and it’s all being paid for, I think it’s common courtesy to suck it up a bit.

You didn’t like it when they didn’t wait for you over the drink, but they all have to sit around and wait for your breakfast or for your hair drying/coffee plan.

They have irritated you but they can’t get irritated BY you? I think DH is a bit embarrassed and, if it’s been noticed so quickly, I bet you have form.

Why didn’t you take the initiative and say ‘so what time shall we leave?’ And then make your plans accordingly? Or say, ‘We’ll meet you there. Just go, don’t wait for me.’ It doesn’t sound as though you’re taking any account of their feelings, but they have to take account of yours. And I simply don’t believe you’re locked in the house every afternoon - I bet you made a song and a dance about going out and it made them feel bad.

I’m sure they’re not easy and there are generational issues but can you think of some ways to make it easier and maybe next time just go with DH and do exactly what you want.

No, I eye roll at a johnny-come-lately disrupting the smooth running of a well oiled machine. It's not about McDonald's, that's just an example. It's about fitting in with a long established group rather than expecting them to fit in with you.

That’s fine, DH doesn’t have to come. It’s just that if he does come, it’s not going to go down well if he inconveniences everyone else, and expects them to wait for him while he dithers. Thankfully he’s pretty laid back and just goes with the flow so it works out.

Similarly when we go away with his family I don’t insist on us all being up, dressed and ready to leave by 9am with an itinerary for us all to follow 😂

I think there has to be an element of falling in line with how another family do things if you are going to go on holiday with them. If you aren’t happy with it, don’t go!

Does 'fitting in with a long established group' mean a person is not allowed to have their own opinions or choices, but must just put up and shut up, @MrTiddlesTheCat? I get the value of a well oiled machine, but don't understand the unwelcoming nature of forcing new people into a straitjacket.

I feel like there could be a backstory… this is very much the kind of thing my mother would do and she has a history of this sort of behaviour, and she’s definitely attention seeking. Little things that make like more difficult but that she can play faux innocent about. It means that something like this my family would react the same way too because we know what she’s like.

But if no prior history then they’re being a bit odd.

@MrTiddlesTheCat seriously are you that stuck for time that you have to dictate that everyone gets the same food! That’s just ridiculous

No, they don't. Unless they are clones...

Being ready on time when everybody else is at the door ready to leave as previously arranged is not exactly a tradition, is it? It's just.. manners?

If people manage to reach airports or train station and travel as planned, it's obviously not an impossible task. Since when is it controlling to expect every adult not to make the rest of the group waste time and wait around?

If it was your teen daughter, strolling in the kitchen with wet hair, demanding to make everyone wait even longer because she felt like having a coffee and faffing with her hair, wouldn't' you tell her off?

I am usually against over-bearing In-Laws, but there are a lot of incidents here, I am not sure "attention-seeking" is the worst way to describe the OP.

Yes I think that's what's annoying she was also clearly offended that they didn't sit looking at their food for 15 minutes because she needed them to eat with her. The coming down with wet hair and wanting a coffee would drive me mad when everyone is ready to go. Just rude.

This. Just so bloody rude. Interesting how those fervently expecting others to compromise to fit in with them have absolutely no willingness to compromise themselves.

Johnny come lately. Charming way to describe a loved one’s partner.

I think it's your time management that's the issue.

It sounds like everyone expected to be popping in for a quick breakfast of pastries and got stuck waiting for ages while you viewed the menu, ordered, then ate a cooked breakfast. Whereas a quick meal of another sort wouldn't have been an issue.

Similarly there was a plan to get going early and you suddenly decided that was a good time to wash and dry your hair??

It's not very thoughtful of other people.

If you don't like the group choice, don't come.

Quite! I’m wondering how this works when one of the party is vegetarian or coeliac perhaps??

OP, you've said that PIL paid for the holiday - were they also paying for the breakfast? It sounds like it if FIL ordered for you all? If so, it seems even more off to do the equivalent of ordering a full english when everyone else, including the person paying, was having a cinnamon bun. Similarly, it seems quite clear that your FIL was paying for the drinks, in which case if he offers one drink in particular that is a yes/no question.

@MrTiddlesTheCat i hope none of you are suddenly diagnosed coeliac…no McDonald’s for you then!

I suspect the “group choice”
is in fact your choice.

Similarly when we go away with his family I don’t insist on us all being up, dressed and ready to leave by 9am with an itinerary for us all to follow 😂

you probably do if you have tickets for something, or have made specific plans.

The time to decline to join is when everyone is discussing the plans, not deciding at the last minute you need an extra hour to get ready when everybody is ready to go as agreed.

I also need to add that it sounds SO much like my AuDHD son who will always suddenly decide at the point of leaving the house that he needs food, to change his trousers, has forgotten to pack his bag and needs a poo 🤣 But then he's 8....

Yes, pretty much. If you go away with an established group, especially if they are paying, you put up with the way they do things.

I don't like doing that myself so I very rarely would go. They are not forcing her to go.

I will absolutely carry on being normal, and being normal by not acting like a brat if someone dares to change their mind over what they want to eat 🤣

It sounds like it might be a blessed relief for the husband as well. Great when it makes everyone happy.

Well indeed. And yet multiple posters are insisting they would act like this because they are an adult.