Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Surely brother in law on a family holiday standing up for his sister in law would be her partner's brother ?

Reads like he may of sensed the awkwardness for his parents & was avoiding confrontation, it was up to the OP to say "nah, go ahead" not MIL to respond with things getting cold

But it doesn't matter so much as OP has given enough updates to make clear this holiday has been a nightmare for them (getting in the shower & having a coffee after being Told they were all going out this morning & seeing them dressed & waiting for her when she got out, not refusing a drink she didn't want incase there was something better she did then getting annoyed they didn't wait)

OP is on holiday with herself here - everybody else is just building up storys to use against inviting her again

Sounds like poor communication and expectations all around.

I wouldn’t be able to travel with people like your in-laws where just because they paid, they get to dictate everything including what I can eat, f-k that for a game of soldiers. I also would be questioning my relationship if my DH spoke to me the way yours does and the apple obviously doesn’t fall far from the tree by the way his family acts towards you.

My own in-laws wouldn’t behave this way and the only expectations when we have travelled together (8 adults and 6 children) is sharing an evening meal together.

If they wanted to set off at a specific time, you should have been told. Early is extremely vague and your DH knows your routine so should have said “we are leaving at exactly xyz, please be ready” or you ask “hey what are the plans for tomorrow and what time” the night before.

Considering your BIL is the only one seemingly being inclusive towards you, I think it’s more that your DH and his family have a certain dynamic and expectations and expect you to fall in line to them.

Tbh, if my food was hot and had arrived before yours and yours would take longer than 5 minutes, I wouldn’t wait for yours to arrive. You would have a hot meal but I wouldn’t and that wouldn’t be fair because you chose something that took longer. Depending on the dish, you can often estimate the time it may take (pan vs oven). However, if it was cold plates, I wouldn’t mind waiting 5-10 minutes unless we had another activity planned afterwards and even then, that would be on you to ask and consider the time.

If it is something like you all went to gelato place and you ordered a molten lava cake and there was something pressing afterwards, yes I would say you were being a bit unreasonable but if there was nothing pressing afterwards, then no.

I wouldn’t holiday with them again and definitely think you should be looking into your relationship with your DH and how often he talks to you in such a manner and does it escalate when his family is around.

I think when you are in a group holiday you do need to suck it up a bit and go with the majority, just for ease. You also need to ask for specific departure times so you are not holding everyone up. I would be pissed off that you delayed departure because you were worried about frizzy hair. No one cares about your hair.

Having said that, your husband sounds rude and impatient with you. Is he always like that?

To be honest yes I do think so!!...first day on holiday...entire family excited over trying something new Together and you're like,hm ill choose something else.sounds like a bit of a downer to me!!!and on your first day too??!!!!

You seem to think everyone should wait for you. All three examples involve others waiting - you decided you wanted something else at breakfast which meant everyone had to wait longer for you and that meant wasting time when you could have been exploring the city; then you said it would only take "a few minutes" to choose a mocktail (why can't it take 30 seconds to choose one) and then this with the showering and hair drying.

This.

I've learnt to be a blunt at times and very clear - we are meeting x time ready to go so be ready- so do think you IL and DH perhaps aren't being driect enough with you.

I've got faffers and people who change plans and then act hurt you still need to eat when you agreed pg and with young kids in my life - and they need managing - I remember being thwarted repeatedly with food when heavily pg and dry heaving on a bus all way home - last time I held my tounge - now I speak up politely and firmly and DH usually backs me if I come up with a plan.

Sometimes with faffers - best thing to do is shrug and carry and and they can catch you up later - which is what they did with the cocktail - let you get on with it and they waited in the two other examples.

Maybe your DH should be waiting with you more and letting rest of the family carry on - and he may feel this and may be why he's so frustrated as he doesn't want to hang around while you faff and miss out on what others are doing but at same time not doing so he's encountering his familes frustration.

Best thing to do don't go on hoilday with them again - and you won't have to deal with this dynamic again.

I don't think this is the case here though. It wasn't "we're going to the cafe, we'll all have a set 2 with coffee and brown toast with ketchup" when she wanted scrambled egg and tea. It was "we're going to a famous cafe that serves the local delicacy as a specialty" and instead of the famous "cinnamon bun" she chose a cooked item. That is a bit awkward!

People on holiday together order the exact same drink/food every time, @SoMuchBadAdvice?? I honestly don't believe that.

The group may well chose one restaurant for a meal, rather than splitting up, but once there, surely they will all choose what they want to eat, and won't all order the same meal. And for some meals/activities, the group might split into smaller groups, so people can choose different activities/restaurants etc.

The OP knew what the breakfast ‘treat’ would be ahead of time.

I’m more sympathetic to her than most on here, but I’m not sure why allergies keep being brought up.

Maybe that's true if they self-cater so only cook one meal for everyone to eat but surely people can choose different things from the menu if eating in a restaurant/cafe?

I had sympathy at the start but actually you do come across as being a bit difficult OP.
The breakfast is not a massive issue but ordering a cooked breakfast when everyone else is having something quick is actually quite inconsiderate because everyone is now waiting for you.
Then the hair - why not wash your hair the night before? It reads to like it was announced the night before you were leaving early. And then why say you still need a coffee when everyone is waiting on you?
This isn't even a friend group either, its your ILs. If this was your family you were with and he was holding you back from spending time with them, being contrary about things etc, surely you'd see how that's annoying.

Please can you provide a source for that claim, I've never heard of everyone eating and drinking the same thing just because they're on holiday

It does seem like they are setting you up to fall to be honest, my nerves would be shattered being around them.

Of course it’s different.

I’m a fuss pot (with allergies to boot). I don’t agree to things I don’t want in advance then back out as someone is placing the order and feel put out that they didn’t wait for my order to arrive before getting started on theirs.

OP appears to have a history of agreeing to things, then changing her mind at the last minute and holding others up. Imo, the hair washing example was the worst of the lot and it’s telling that she didn’t see anything wrong in what she’d done.

The moral is - no more vacance en famille!

Yep
Allergies take a holiday too. Apparently!

No the OP says twice SIL and her husband.

If everyone wants champagne and someone has orange juice instead does it really spoil the experience for everyone

Not in and of itself, no. If I’m part of a group and we decide “let’s go out and have champagne” and, when the waiter comes, someone says “and an orange juice for me, please”, that’s fair enough. Nobody is inconvenienced by the choice. If, however, when the waiter comes and the champagne is ordered, someone says “oh - hang on - are there other drinks? Can I have a look at the menu?”, then the waiter goes away again. And it’s then a few minutes to wait before everyone gets to order their champagne and the other person decides on their juice. And even more so if it’s a freshly squeezed juice for which the kitchen needs to go out to find oranges and then everyone else has drunk their champagne and has to wait for the person to drink their juice in a leisurely fashion. So it’s not the juice per se that spoils the experience for everyone else (although I suppose you lose the collective experience of “remember when we all had champagne at X”) - it’s the indecision at the last minute when everyone thought a decision had been made.

I think your example of the cinema doesn't mirror this situation particularly well, I'm afraid, @Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast. The OP didn't choose to go to a different cafe for her breakfast, she chose a different dish from the menu. She was still with the group, enjoying breakfast together, but wanted to eat something different.

How many people would be happy going to a restaurant or cafe and not being allowed to choose what they wanted from the menu (within certain limits, obviously - not choosing the lobster thermidor because it's pricy, or the chocolate souffle that will take extra time to cook) - but being told they must eat what everyone else is eating? I don't think I'd be particularly happy with that.

There are lots of dishes - particularly holiday and festive ones - that are designed for big groups to all partake of the same: eg paella.

I’m sure people don’t mind if as a one-off someone says “ I’m sorry, I struggle with rice/saffron whatever. I hope you don’t mind if I choose something else.” But when it’s always the same individual being, well, individual, it does start to cast a pall.

If I had a relative that was 'picky' (for want of a better word) over food, I'd either choose a restaurant with them in mind, ask them where they'd like to go or accept they might need or want to eat something different. It doesn't have to be an issue.

it was SIL’s husband in OP’s post I put BIL as it was quicker and I assumed that everyone read OP’s post where she said SIL and her husband.
P.S. I’ve arrived for my appointment now and waiting so have time to do longer posts. 🙂

It's hard to call as if everyone has gone for a cupcake and youve ordered something that takes time to be cooked and is more of a meal, then really you could have ordered a similar item like a pastry.
I think communication here js the issue, they are obviously all used to how they operate, ordering the quick item, getting up early and being ready for the day out etc. They are expecting you to know all of this without communicating it to you
You can probably resolve this with upping your communication to find out, so if they say they are doing an activitiy, ask what time you need to be ready by. If they say they are going for breakfast, ask if its a quick breakfast or a quick snack.
They sound really annoying but to not have a nightmare holiday, you might have to get with the program and also start asking more questions around what is happening.
Doesnt sound much of a holiday for you tbh, and your husband is being unsupportive.

Nothing wrong with them eating their food while it's hot. I can't stand seeing food sitting going cold. You sound a bit hardwork about that.

Batshit is telling someone there are attention seeking for wanting to eat something different.

I can see how frustrating this would be as a pattern of behaviour. Families have routines they fall into for things like holidays and someone rocking up and disrupting a lifelong way of doing things would be very annoying.

An example would be our family camping holiday. We always load up the car and then go for drive through McDonald's breakfast. Everyone has the same order because it's quick and saves the faff when we want to get going. DD's partner now comes with us, so it's 5 of the same. I think I be a bit FFS if he wanted to get out and go in so he could peruse the menu. It's just not how we do it.

Honestly I find people who delay a group by wanting different/ extra treatment intensely irritating and it sounds like you have form for this. Your DH was mortified by the sound of it.

Being on a group holiday is only fun if people put their own menial wants aside to make sure the group is not waiting around for you.

That's probably why he asked if you'd be attention serving all holiday. It's extra irritating when something was agreed and then one member, always the same, throws in a curveball who makes everyone else wait around.