Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Because that’s what you can do if you’ve a brain. Didn’t impact anyone. She wasn’t saying I’m not eating here.

Yes, it's what people who go on holiday together tend to do most of the time.

There's always one 🙄

It has nothing to do with "being a woman". How many posters have said they would have reacted the same way if it was their HUSBAND (so male) behaving like the OP.

You know perfectly well it has nothing to do with "doing as you are told".

Nowhere has the OP said she ordered a full English , maybe the service was rubbish for her particular dish

Why are posters making up but she ordered a full English while they had a pastry

I still dont think her ordering something else is rude. She didn't change the venue, the time or stop them eating what they wanted.

The hair drying thing which I've now seen is weird though. I wouldn't come down from my room mid-getting ready in order to have a coffee if i knew people were waiting for me to go out.

It really isn’t.

I can’t eat egg based desserts in the morning. I’m sure they would have hated it more if it had been me and I had thrown up all over the table.

Everyone is allowed to eat what they want.

Attention seeking seems to be your DHs favourite description of you. For going for a walk?! Is he just as unpleasant at home?

Obviously don't know the full story but if it is like my in laws, they rule the roost and make all the decisions about every aspect of your holiday (life if we would let then). Deciding what drink you'll be having and what meal you'll be eating is the tip of the iceberg. To decide whether I'm being unreasonable or if it's just that they're smothering me I look at how the dynamics are with other people. Ie my parents, our friends, other members of the family on their side. There is no other tension with anyone else and i dont feel the need to 'assert myself' because they don't try and dictate every thing I do. The whole dynamic is different. I have the fact that my husband agrees with me (as does SIL a lot of the time) so that helps. The eye rolls usually only happen at me but everyone else thinks theyre selfish and controlling.

I'm so divided on this. On the one hand I can see why the family is finding OP annoying (especially the hair and coffee thing), but on the other hand, posts like this make me angry even at the thought of this kind of "holiday". If my partner tried to discuss me "falling into line" with his dad's wishes, I'd tell him where to shove his structured family holiday.

You know if you are really miserable, you can just go your own way, refuse to go on their outings, eat and drink what you like....or go home.

I agree to an extent however people who value individual choice are also spilt into those who are self aware and good at communicating their needs and then those who like to be contrary for contrary sake and thrive on conflict.

I really value being able to make my own choices and don't like feeling forced into group choices, so I make sure and communicate this ahead of time. Like if my friends want to go for tapas I'd say ahead of time "just to let you guys know I'll be ordering my own dishes and not just do a whole share thing because I don't like fish". It sets clear expectations and gives them the chance to say if this will be an issue.
Or if they said they all wanted to go to a fish only restaurant I'd just say "enjoy it, I'll sit this one out". I don't want to force them to accept me changing the group dynamic just because I don't fit neatly into it.

Whilst I'm not demonising OP or suggesting she just meekly let FIL control her diet and schedule, sounds like she does need a bit more self awareness and to learn to communicate more effectively with her ILs. Especially if she genuienly wishes for a more harmonious experience, unless of course she enjoys the conflict, in which case continue as is!

For example with the day out when she held everyone up with the hairdrying....just say ahead of time "day out sounds good, not sure when we'll be ready though so you guys go ahead and we'll catch you up there later"

Weird behaviour on their part (including your DH) and I would not be going on holiday with them again. Well, maybe you go with your DH but only if he first apologises for being an idiot.

I sympathise, as when I was a kid and asked for something different in a restaurant to what my parents were having it was on the menu my father got furious and told me off for "making a fuss". And yes, they didn't like me, just as your relatives don't seem to like you.

Having said, in your position, I would have invited everyone else to start eating without you as there is no virtue in having food go cold just because you are waiting for everyone to be served. The restaurant should have served everyone at the same time but often they do not.

Poostep? How old is he, 5??

They sound like nobs OP

Nobody is making anything up. It’s a guess about what MIGHT have happened. I haven’t seen anyone putting it forward as Gospel Truth.

OP’s breakfast appears to have been more involved given the additional preparation time. But she’s declined to clarify what either dish is so it’s purely guesswork. She’s the one who appears to be put out by the fact that the rest of the group didn’t wait for her order to arrive before tucking into theirs.

But that’s totally different. If you are allergic you’d have never agreed to go for an egg pastry in first place. Presumably you’d have had a conversation with them/checked online if the bakery do other food. If yes I’ll come and order something, no I’ll eat at apartment and meet you at museum at 10 etc.

You just all sound very different- I disagree that there’s any issue with your dh though- imagine being stuck in the middle of that one!!!

That sounds like hell to me

No wonder I didn't want to do huge family holidays. Awful

I think it’s a bit of this and a bit do that.

However breakfast is 9/10 are getting say a croissant and your waiting for cooked food yabu

Drinks I don’t like pineapple so would have very quickly seen if anything caught my eye during the question so answer straight away sorry no I’m fine or do you mind if I get the orange one.

Hair drying and coffee while everyone’s waited for you to shower already to go out for the day. If of gone without you. Nothing worse than someone else making the day waste away on your paid for holiday.

It’s no different at all. Everyone should have the right to choose from the menu.

I can’t believe I’m having to explain this to a group of grown women.

Indeed. It happens in lots of group situations - school trips, group meals out etc.

Its part of functioning as a group. Some people are ciearly just not cut out for it but that doesn’t make them somehow superior or resistant to misogny or any other rubbish. Her DH is fitting in. Is that “misogny?”

Id just call it what it is: being awkward.

I have seen two or three posts saying it like it is fact

I agree with this. My ILs consider my DH's preferences but never mine. My parents also respect my DH's preferences and give them a lot of space, and part of that I know is driven by him being a man and my mother having a slightly odd deferential attitude that I'm not sure she even recognises herself. But it doesn't matter so much because she and I plan most things around the children's needs and show consideration to each other, and are quite relaxed about people wanting to do or eat different things. My ILs, not at all.

The consequence of having my needs disregarded on so many occasions is that now I completely zone out when I'm around my ILs for more than half a day. It's a shame because they're quite nice people and mean well, but the idea of "live and let live" is completely foreign to them. I never express any opinions or preferences because I'll be told that I'm wrong. I just count the hours until we can go home.

Someone said was it cinnamon bun v cooked full English and Op replied very similar scenario. You can click just to see Ops updates.

I was replying to the scenario @ClownStar describes, not OP's.
And as I've previously posted, I'm on the fence with this thread. I think OP should have gone along with the first breakfast - she'd never tried this particular food item either so "trying something different" (something different to something she's also never tried before!) just seems a bit contrary and not a great way to start the holiday. There are several other breakfasts to come for her to try other things. I also wouldn't have wanted the pineapple cocktail, but if the offer from FIL is "do you want one DIL?" her answer should have been "no thanks" because it doesn't seem like the offer was for any cocktail. Regarding getting up and out early would have annoyed me too (because it takes me ages to get ready!) and I would have wanted to be told about the plans the previous evening so I could ensure I was up early enough to join them (if I wanted to) but I wouldn't have kept the group waiting while I carefully dried my hair and then got myself a coffee (she could have chosen not to wash her hair, or rough-dried it on this one day whilst her DH brought her a coffee to drink while she finished getting ready - quickly).
I can see both sides of the argument, but my comment still stands - they all need to learn how to compromise and rub along with each other, but if I were OP, I wouldn't be going on any future PIL-funded family holidays unless I could learn to do that.