Page 24 | Apparently I’m attention seeking

PooStep · 2025-05-08T07:17:00+00:00

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband. Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item. So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it. We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished. later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

AthWat · 08/05/2025 11:20

Charlotte120221 · 08/05/2025 11:19

honestly. are you ok hun?

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Oh I'm fine. I'm not surprised you are poor at reading people's emotions, though.

AngelicKaty · 08/05/2025 11:20

ClownStar · 08/05/2025 10:28

Hmmmm.... I've been on holiday with people who "just" want to do something different after the entire group has already made a decision and it can be infuriating.

So a plan to go to an art gallery in the morning, have a snack for lunch, go back to the hotel and get ready then have a drink in a bar before a full dinner turned into going to the art gallery later than planned (fine) but then she "just" had a look at the menu and had a full meal at about 2pm, then "just" wanted to pop out while the rest of us got ready because she'd seen a particular postcard or something, then she "just" had to get ready while the rest of us had to hang about bored in the hotel (needless to say it did not take her the "just ten minutes" she'd claimed), so we didn't have time for the drink at the bar we'd planned, and then she didn't fancy dinner because she'd had a full meal earlier. Rinse and repeat for five days and it got very wearing.

If she'd asked AIBU to want to go and get a postcard while my friends get ready, or AIBU to want to choose my own lunch, of course not..... but really it would have been AIBU to be wholly inconsiderate of the group at every possible opportunity.

OP's situation may be completely different of course but I'm getting the same vibes!

Exactly this. 👆 Well said. There's something that all human beings who grow up to maturity learn: the ability to compromise. Whenever I (rarely) meet adults who lack the ability to compromise, ever, they come across to me as rather immature and self-centred. I think it's absolutely fine to want to do something different from the group, but you should simply tell them up-front that you will be doing something different and you'll catch up with them later. To change the majority's agreed plans by constantly doing other little things that ultimately change the bigger plans is subversive, at least, and actually rather narcissistic.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 08/05/2025 11:20

Lnew · 08/05/2025 11:11

I cannot imagine making 5 people wait a few minutes for you to choose a different drink to the one that looked perfectly nice that everyone was having. You sound like a diva, I’m sorry.

I’m actually wondering if this is a reverse now and you are the MIL. You coming down the stairs and seeing everyone with their shoes on - you should have shoved yours on as well - who gives a shit if your hair is frizzy or you haven’t had a coffee - if you make them wait for a hair dry and a coffee when they’d told you the were leaving early, well, I can’t imagine having the arrogance to do that.

You are one of a big group of 6. Stop disrupting it!!

I bet you are actually the frustrated MIL or SIL.

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Maybe they could ask OP her input on plans - that way she wouldn’t feel like she was being shoved around on holiday being told where to be, when to be there, what she can eat and drink

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/05/2025 11:21

AthWat · 08/05/2025 11:17

It's entirely a mystery to me why you would deliberately wait until the last minute to say this. As far as I see you gain nothing and knowingly cause someone else to be upset. But, you do you.

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Entirely a mystery to me why you believe it’s acceptable to tell another person what they should eat or drink.

Calliopespa · 08/05/2025 11:21

Vivi0 · 08/05/2025 11:16

You say your in laws have paid for and therefore like to control every aspect of the holiday, but it also seems that you too are trying to control aspects of the holiday albeit, in a more passive, aggressive way.

Your husband called you an attention seeker because he is definitely picking up on something from your behaviour, but missed the mark in trying to verbalise what he feels is going on. You’re not seeking attention, you’re asserting control over everyone’s plans.

I feel very strongly from your posts that you're feigning ignorance, but know exactly what you’re doing.

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Agree.

pusspuss9 · 08/05/2025 11:22

RentalWoesNotFun · 08/05/2025 08:23

How could you have known yours would take longer.
It’s perfectly reasonable to consult the menu.

My family would have expected and waited for all the meals to come at once, not start eating when they wanted theirs more quickly. That’s bad manners.

What “attention” does your husband think you got from what happened? It’s not attention seeking to choose a meal, which makes me wonder if this is a stock phrase he trots out all the time?

They all sound ignorant and bad mannered.

My family would have expected and waited for all the meals to come at once, not start eating when they wanted theirs more quickly. That’s bad manners.

If I had seen that theirs was hot I would have said 'start without me as I don't want yours to get cold'.

JoshLymanSwagger · 08/05/2025 11:22

Idontjetwashthefucker · 08/05/2025 09:05

Fuck me, am I in a parallel universe this morning...some of these responses are totally batshit!

OP the only thing you did wrong was marrying that dickhead and going on holiday with them

They made a point of walking off and leaving me behind

Seriously, just do your own thing. They all sound fucking impossible hard work.

Why do all 6 adults have to eat and drink the same thing?

Seapoint2002 · 08/05/2025 11:22

The restaurant should have served all the food at the same time. But seriously stop going on holiday with parents or in laws. Not done it since i was 18.

heroinechic · 08/05/2025 11:23

I wasn’t sure from your first post, but having read them all I think I can understand their frustrations.

My family is like this. We grew up in a very structured way, and when we go on our annual family holiday we all slip back into it which essentially means getting up early and doing whatever it is my dad decides we are doing, and quickly. There would be absolutely no grace for you blow drying your hair and having a coffee, you’d be left behind frankly. There’d be no waiting around for you to peruse a menu either, or waiting for you to get your food before us eating if yours would be coming late.

DH falling in line with this was something I discussed with him before going away with my family for the first time! When we go away with his family they are totally different, no structure, dither for hours over what to do and where to go, I can’t stand it!

MySweetGeorgina · 08/05/2025 11:23

I said you are not unreasonable as obviously you can choose what you like

however it looks like you have form for complicating proceedings a bit and not going with the flow. Fine that is your right

but it does sound that you hold things up, and this thread in itself is attention seeking 😂

and if everyone orders churros and you uhm and ahhh over an egg white omelette that is obviously just…. a bit boring

you are just not a go-with-the-flow type and not easy going but that means you should probably not go on holiday with them

if I go on holiday with the in-laws and they are paying (!) I make an effort to make things easy for them

Megifer · 08/05/2025 11:24

AthWat · 08/05/2025 11:15

Becuase they had all been there before, and she hadn't.

If she didn't want to go, and go along with the reason for going, she could have just stayed in bed.

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Where does op say they have been there before?

Not that it matters. Imagine thinking "we've been here before so insist you eat what we recommend and we'll call YOU attention seeking and make a big deal out of it if you don't".

anon12345anon · 08/05/2025 11:24

@PooStep
Why the fuck have you gone on holiday with them!!? Did you know they were like this?

Honestly Op, I feel for you- sounds shit- and no free holiday is worth having to dance to someone else's tune....

I think your DH sounds like a dick too x

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 08/05/2025 11:24

AngelicKaty · 08/05/2025 11:20

Exactly this. 👆 Well said. There's something that all human beings who grow up to maturity learn: the ability to compromise. Whenever I (rarely) meet adults who lack the ability to compromise, ever, they come across to me as rather immature and self-centred. I think it's absolutely fine to want to do something different from the group, but you should simply tell them up-front that you will be doing something different and you'll catch up with them later. To change the majority's agreed plans by constantly doing other little things that ultimately change the bigger plans is subversive, at least, and actually rather narcissistic.

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But the “entire group” has not decided something - the PIL seem to decide something - their kids are used to doing as they are told, the OP doesn’t have any input and is expressing her own needs. Where are the PIL compromising in any of this? When you say compromise, what you actually mean is “just follow the herd”

PassOnThat · 08/05/2025 11:24

heroinechic · 08/05/2025 11:23

I wasn’t sure from your first post, but having read them all I think I can understand their frustrations.

My family is like this. We grew up in a very structured way, and when we go on our annual family holiday we all slip back into it which essentially means getting up early and doing whatever it is my dad decides we are doing, and quickly. There would be absolutely no grace for you blow drying your hair and having a coffee, you’d be left behind frankly. There’d be no waiting around for you to peruse a menu either, or waiting for you to get your food before us eating if yours would be coming late.

DH falling in line with this was something I discussed with him before going away with my family for the first time! When we go away with his family they are totally different, no structure, dither for hours over what to do and where to go, I can’t stand it!

Your family holiday is not one that it's really fair to inflict on unrelated adults.

Botanybaby · 08/05/2025 11:25

I mean this is just weird

Your allowed to have what ever you want for breakfast but it's a strange thought that the place only serves one thing

Sounds like your in-laws are just weird and that the restaurant isn't they great if it's sending food out individually rather than as a group

Desperate to know what this amazing breaky is though

Popquorn · 08/05/2025 11:26

PooStep · 08/05/2025 09:44

PIL are paying for the holiday so like to control every aspect about it. Example being everyone sitting indoors between 2pm and 4pm. I get bored so went for a walk. This is also attention seeking apparently.

They all wanted to go to a specific place one morning. I was up for this. DH got up and went to get a coffee. Told me they’ll be setting off early so I jumped in the shower, washed my hair, came down for a coffee and they were all sat shoes on waiting to go out!! DH said “are you going to get your shoes on?” So I said “I have to dry my hair and have a quick coffee yet!” SIL started taking her shoes off clearly looking pissed off and MIL muttered “half the day will be gone by time we get going”. Nobody told me we were on a strict time schedule! If I’d known we had to be out by a certain time I’d have got ready earlier but DH said I was attention seeking by insisting on drying my hair and having a coffee when I knew they wanted to set off. If my hair dries naturally it goes incredibly frizzy and awful. He knows this.

In this example most people agreeing to a day out would have asked the night before “what time are we leaving at” and planned accordingly.

do you have form for not checking, and just assuming there’s no rush? My adult daughter does this and it drives me bonkers. I now give her very clear timelines

Newbie8918 · 08/05/2025 11:26

Was it a Turkish Breakfast by any chance? I think context is important here.

Botanybaby · 08/05/2025 11:27

heroinechic · 08/05/2025 11:23

I wasn’t sure from your first post, but having read them all I think I can understand their frustrations.

My family is like this. We grew up in a very structured way, and when we go on our annual family holiday we all slip back into it which essentially means getting up early and doing whatever it is my dad decides we are doing, and quickly. There would be absolutely no grace for you blow drying your hair and having a coffee, you’d be left behind frankly. There’d be no waiting around for you to peruse a menu either, or waiting for you to get your food before us eating if yours would be coming late.

DH falling in line with this was something I discussed with him before going away with my family for the first time! When we go away with his family they are totally different, no structure, dither for hours over what to do and where to go, I can’t stand it!

This sounds exhausting and not a nice family in the slightest

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/05/2025 11:29

Botanybaby · 08/05/2025 11:27

This sounds exhausting and not a nice family in the slightest

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Yep. “Structured:” one person controls everyone else.

DodgersJammyAndOtherwise · 08/05/2025 11:29

They all sound awful to me but it's DH saying that you are attention seeking that would really piss me off as it's nasty and designed to really get you in a box his family have created.

Unless you have a massive history of being a PITA attention seeker, I don't think I would want to carry on in a relationship with a man that did this sort of thing to me, especially if he said it in front of his family.

Next time he got his todger out, I would be accusing him of attention seeking and I would be driving away for a good few hours.

They sound like they are all cut from the same arrogant cloth.

scotstars · 08/05/2025 11:29

YANBU to have a look at a menu. However the "don't start this" comment and eye rolling suggests you have form for doing things to be awkward or for attention. I have a friend who has a need to be different and can't just go with the flow ever. It's incredibly irritating when they need to see a cocktail menu spend ages looking it over and then 9 times out of 10 order their usual drink not from cocktail menu...

TorroFerney · 08/05/2025 11:30

NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · 08/05/2025 08:20

I feel there's more to this..... do you have a history of being difficult as why else would your husband say that?
Would it have really hurt to have gone along with everyone else?

Seriously , have a prize gaslighter sticker.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/05/2025 11:30

The whole thing sounds like hell on holiday.
It sounds like they want a gang where you all do exactly the same thing and because the PIL
pay then you dance to their tune.
I do think sometimes when someone finds a special treat and wants to share it, they can get a bit arsey if you choose something different.
The only solution is not to go away with them again.
I think your IL are falling in with them because the holiday is paid for.
Your DH could stick up for you a bit more, but he also sounds frustrated that you may be wanting to choose something different to make a point.

Livpool · 08/05/2025 11:30

I’m really laidback so probably would go with the majority as I don’t tend to care! You were weird about going out early though- I am pain with my hair but couldn’t you have just put it up and washed it later?

The ‘apparently’ on your title does suggest passive aggressive behaviour so maybe you are trying to show your independence by ordering something else all the time?!

I don’t know though of course - people think I am a pushover when it is usually that I just don’t care 🤷🏼‍♀️

nomas · 08/05/2025 11:30

Lots of misogyny on this thread. The OP is a just a little woman who should do as she’s told and shouldn’t expect any agency. How dare she try to choose her own breakfast and drink? How dare she not be a mind reader and be ready on time when she hasn’t been told what that time is?

OP, my advice is to never go on holiday with PIL again and give your DH short shrift next time he tries to order you about. Tell him he is not your keeper.