Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

It your last example, you really didn't need the coffee. If people were waiting for me, I would not sit there having a coffee.

The food stuff is weird of them. I agree, but people can be very weird about food, specifically what other people choose to eat. It's bonkers, I know, but they take it very personally.

You only need to read on here to know there's a scarily large number of people who get very worked up about what other people choose to put in their mouths.

That said, you could compromise. It's obvious that the food thing is some silly shared experience thing, and the point of all going there is to have the same thing.

Think of it like going to the cinema. They say they want to see film A. You all get there, and you say you want to see what other films are showing. You look at them and you choose film B.

The point was not to attend the cinema and pick films to watch. It was to sit together and watch film A together.

Also, if you do this every time and you always pick something else then at some point it is going to start to seem like you go with them to every place, determined to pick something different for some reason. And it's going to seem like it's a fuck you to them.

Yeah, ok. You do you. Your whims and wants and moods are the most important thing, because you're a grown up. Not a child.

" a scarily large number of people who get very worked up about what other people choose to put in their mouths."

...again - only when it's been agreed to beforehand!

Equally, why do you keep insisting that op was invited somewhere? They are all on holiday together, and op says 'they' decided to go to this special magical cafe.

But even so it's just so bizarre and embarassing for grown adults to give a shit that someone doesn't want to eat the food they like 🤣

I agree.

There are a lot of childish attitudes floating about these days in regard to the whole “ I don’t bend to expectations” philosophy. Most of us exorcise that in our teens, if not our terrible twos/ threenager years.

Im on the fence with this one. OP there's nothing wrong with being strong willed and having your own opinion. But I do agree that there has to be some give and take, and theres a time and a place.
Your in laws wanted to go to a specific place for a specific item, you agreed to that beforehand then changed your mind. Youre entitled to eat whatever you want for breakfast but would it kill you to go along on this occasion. Its obvious they wanted everyone to share that experience so you could all basque in the glory of the patries together! And the drink example, again your FIL was offering to just go and order everyone the drink together but I feel you were being purposely awkward. Id probably just have said oh yes a pineapple drink would be lovely thanks.
The fact that everyone is commenting on your behaviour does hint that this may be a regular occurrence and maybe they're just sick of it. It can be rather tiring when one person in a group just wants to be different and they're having to keep pandering to you.
The rest of the holiday sounds like its been a nightmare, just because theyve paid it shouldnt give them a right to dictate everything everyone does. So no I dont think youre in the wrong for wanting time to yourself. To me you just dont seem to all get on and id probably not be holidaying with them again.

That’s all very well, but she was not told what to do. She’d previously agreed she’d like the breakfast item so FIL ordered it for her on that basis.

And let’s not forget, it’s not simply about types of people - PILs have paid for this holiday so they have a reasonable expectation for people not to be difficult.

Struggling to comprehend l? Let me explain.

The OP has started a thread where she passive aggressively claims that she isn’t an attention seeker.

I pointed out that she is.

I own my attention seeking.

Haven you learned something today. It’s called growth.

blimey you're a dog with a bone!! PIL wanted to go back to this restaurant to have the mussels. They kept going on about the mussels. FIL assumed we would all have them and went to order for us all. He never asked me. It's not a specialist restaurant, it's cafe rouge. I am ok with mussels but fancied something else when I got there. Which I ordered. As an adult. He was a bit sulky. I would do the same again if I didn't fancy what he was trying to order for me. I still don't feel I needed to give advance notice of my decision. HTH

The issue is they have their ways and routines and can’t understand why you wouldn’t be exactly the same. My in-laws are similar, for example they all own big wood tables we bought a white modern looking table. They kept looking at it gone out and said - well it’s a kind of table I guess.

With regards to the meal it depends if they ordered a cake and you ordered a meal that’s a bit odd but if you ordered a different cake then they are wrong. The drinks they are ridiculous you should get what you want t. The leaving, if there was a set time they should have said, maybe next time ask them. I would assume early to be 9ish but if your not sure better to confirm.

but I would be really annoyed at your dh how dare he call you attention seeking for wanting to make your own choices. He’s obviously very uncomfortable with going against the norm with his family. I’d be wary as it’s pretty obvious if you ever get into an argument with them it won’t be you he’s backing.

Becuase they had all been there before, and she hadn't.

If she didn't want to go, and go along with the reason for going, she could have just stayed in bed.

You say your in laws have paid for and therefore like to control every aspect of the holiday, but it also seems that you too are trying to control aspects of the holiday albeit, in a more passive, aggressive way.

Your husband called you an attention seeker because he is definitely picking up on something from your behaviour, but missed the mark in trying to verbalise what he feels is going on. You’re not seeking attention, you’re asserting control over everyone’s plans.

I feel very strongly from your posts that you're feigning ignorance, but know exactly what you’re doing.

First two examples were fine - you were taking the piss with the last one.

You were told they were leaving early. You should have asked what time.

As they didn’t say I understand you not expecting everyone to be ready waiting while you were showering but since they were - you then seriously thought they should wait for you to have a coffee first ?! The hair I can sort of understand but really ?

The polite response is that you didn’t realise they were wanting to leave at x time as no one said - then suggest they go on ahead.

Their communication was lacking but so was yours.

Unfortunately I think the problem is that your PIL are deeply controlling and this has been how your DP and SIL have been brought up. You are more of a go with the flow person and it means you clash.

However I would be concerned at the way your DP is behaving towards you simply wanting to go for a walk rather than obey your PIL.

It’s possibly he may just be tired of getting the third degree from his parents but really that isn’t normal. I would be speaking to him firmly about it in private. I would apologise for the miscommunication with the wet hair but explain that it isn’t attention seeking to want something slightly different to PIL and he needs to take a seat.

I love insights like this. I think I’m undiagnosed neurodivergent and I struggle with social situations. I have close friends and family who I get along fine with, but there’s definitely people I don’t get on with. I think I’m a type 3 person. I would literally spit my coffee in someone’s face laughing if they tried to tell me what to order for breakfast.

I don't think you are actually seeking attention.

Just blooming annoying and self-absorbed, and not suited to go on a group holiday.

Is this a joke? They all have to have the same thing?

Yeah she should be a robot and be dictated too, how dare she have her own mind

The thing to do in this scenario is to meet up after breakfast and maybe you two can do something while the other couple are lingering over breakfast.

Incompatibility is not in itself a problem, it's not being tolerant and accepting of it which is. You reduce the overlap (time spent together) until it's acceptable to everyone.

We went on a family holiday recently and my BIL spent half the days hiking round the coast. He and my sister don't have children so no one batted an eyelid. She joined him a couple of days and then came to the beach with us and the children the other days. They brought home their own lunch a couple of times, even though my mother had made stuff for lunch, and my mother put the leftovers in the fridge for dinner. It was NOT AN ISSUE. Everyone did what they liked and ate what they liked.

It's entirely a mystery to me why you would deliberately wait until the last minute to say this. As far as I see you gain nothing and knowingly cause someone else to be upset. But, you do you.

They like things done their way clearly. I’d never go on holiday again with them, they clearly don’t like you, nor does your husband.
Mine doesn’t like me either, and I doubt his parents do either.

Life is too short.
Women should be paid more, we’d have mor choice in life
My husband is paid more than three times my wage, we were doing the same job for the same company at one time.
Financial freedom is power.

The breakfast thing though sounds more like the group thought agreed plan was to go to cafe for coffee and pastry then head out. So in their minds sit down say 6 tarts, enjoy and go after maybe 30 mins. At museum for 10am opening to get ahead of crowds. Then perhaps planned a sit down lunch.
Instead Op suddenly adds time looking at menu, ordering, meal cooked, eating while others want to get on. Late for museum so it’s not as enjoyable for everyone. Then presumably having had a cooked breakfast op wouldn’t want lunch as planned - oh goodness I’m not hungry yet.
So while on own holiday you can do as please on a group trip you need to fit in.
Honestly I wouldn’t go again it sounds like way you are are group dynamics aren’t compatible.

I don't get the "shared experience" stuff. The family was together and everyone ate the thing they wanted to eat. Isn't that enough sharing.

If everyone wants champagne and someone has orange juice instead does it really spoil the experience for everyone? Why does OP not holding a pineapple make any difference to everyone's enjoyment of their own pineapple drink. The family sounds weirdly controlling.

Whims and wants?

Personal choice.

honestly. are you ok hun?

Which is suddenly different from your personal choice half an hour before.