Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

I fail to see how ant of this is "attention seeking". Most people wouldn't give a crap. Your in laws sound very unusual.

I think it’s very telling that only your BIL who is not PIL ‘s child mentioned about waiting for your breakfast to arrive. It’s ok not to wait in this situation by the way but he was the only one who was respectfully treated your choice (was admiring your bravery probably 🤣) .
It sounds like your PIL still thinking they know better for their children (they even pay for them) and their children agree with this. I don’t say they should disagree all the time but it feels like any sort of questions or differences are not allowed. They don’t think you might have your own needs they just implies you would follow their orders.
It’s annoying a bit that you were not ready yet with this shower/coffee thing but it would get me thinking that the communication was wrong e.g I would say “Let’s take off at 9am” and would expect you to get ready by 9. I don’t do let’s get ready when we are ready with other people.

Wow. I went to a restaurant and declined to let someone else choose my food and I'm being unreasonable? Why did I need to give anyone notice of my decision - I am an adult going to a restaurant.

Example being everyone sitting indoors between 2pm and 4pm. I get bored so went for a walk.

The more you post, the more difficult you sound.

They’re paying for an entire holiday for you and ask that everyone spends time together for 2 hours a day and you won’t even do that.

Fucking hell if my DH took himself off for a walk because he was bored on the holiday that was paid for for him, I’d be rethinking whether I want a relationship with such a spoilt man.

I don’t understand why you’d even agree to go on holiday with them.
You could have stayed home and done your own thing and it would have been more enjoyable for everyone, including you.

Why do people keep answering a very specific question generally.
Yes, as a grown-up you can generally eat what you fancy.
Also as grown-up, if you've agreed to someone taking you somewhere to try something they say is nice, I'd expect you try that thing when you get there unless some exceptional circumstances apply.
They might not have wanted to take you there if you'd said beforehand you might not want to try the thing that was the one reason for going.
It's strange you say "as a grown up" because to me this is behaviour you'd expect, and excuse, in a child.

I was sort of on the fence with your first post, OP. Weird of them to care that you ordered something else, but suspicious that they all (Inc your husband) immediately had the same reaction. Felt that you being upset that they didn’t wait it silly, self centred and childish.
After your updates, I think you are the unreasonable one.

Wow! Fair enough if they wanted to eat while the food was warm - I would have urged them to go ahead and do so.
My main gripe is your husband.
Does he always speak to you like this? Especially in front of other people?
Bloody outrageous.

It's funny, because my mental picture is of the OP's DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and BIL all standing awkwardly by the taxi, suitcases in hand, while the taxi driver mutters about waiting times and traffic wardens and OP just has a "quick look" for her hair straighteners and finishes a cup of tea and takes a final photo of the view....

Sorry for typos I lost my edit window.

I'm getting it perfectly fine. I'm just not agreeing with you, and saying what I think your view on how they are feeling is, which is a weird ego needy thing.

She wasn't invited, they are on holiday together and agreed to go somewhere and eat whatever.

She changed her mind.

Very perfectly normal.

Unless they are indeed The Focker family.

Good god, some of the responses on this thread are batshit.

Of course YANBU to want to CHOOSE what you want to eat and drink yourself. They sound like a bunch of controlling pillocks and your DH needs to grow a pair.

I think this is one of those threads where there is definitely two sides to the story 😁

This. If it were a partner telling their LO, everyone would be citing controlling.

Why on earth should an adult person eat what they are told to?

They sound controlling. You sound inflexible. Your husband sounds like he really doesn't have your back. None of this sounds like a good holiday.

Definitely unreasonable of you to insist on hair drying and coffee time when you saw everyone waiting with their shoes on. Your husband's fault to some extent for not giving a clear time, but I would be mortified if I realised I was keeping everyone waiting and would not prioritise the frizziness of my hair and a cup of coffee over everyone else's holiday time when they were all ready to go.

It seems this dynamic has become very "you" versus "them". And it also seems your husband is firmly with "them". This would worry me and needs a discussion with DH.

I haven’t seen any batshit posts, just different views.

Did he say beforehand "Let's go here, you must try the mussels?" Your post imples that but it isn't clear.

If that is the case, why on earth wouldn't you say then if you didnt want to try the mussels? Personally I can't stand mussels, and would just have said so.

If it wasn't brought up until you got there that they expected you to have mussels, that's an entirely different scenario.

There's nothing like holidays to bring out the differences!
DH and I went away with another couple for an adventure type holiday.
Both of us like quick, grab a croissant and coffee, type breakfasts and get going for the day.
The other couple liked to go out for full cooked breakfasts, long and drawn out, multiple coffees and take their time. Quite irritating for us who wanted to get going.
Neither is wrong, though, just not compatible.

It sounds like your in laws like to do things together, shared experiences.
It wouldn't be for me either, but that's how they are, and you are the fly in their ointment.

This. you don't seem to have the ability to pick up on social cues that operate in certain group dynamics, and almost go out of your way to resist. Do you find your in laws controlling and this is your way of pushing back? It does come across as quite immature and teenage-like - if DS is in a strop he'll 100% refuse to eat the breakfat I know he loves, even though I know he's starving and then I'm left with a bad tempered, hungry child for the rest of the day.

You and your in laws also seem to communicate badly. I'd be interested to know if a specific time was given for this excusion or it was just a generic "early" - and why no one thought to clarify it if it was?

You keep missing out "when they've agreed beforehand to go to a specific restaurant to do so"

Who foot the bill for the breakfast OP?

People are allowed to change their minds.

We’ll only take you here if you agree to eat this particular thing? Batshit behaviour.

This thread is really interesting- it identifies several types of people

1. controlling one’s - the ones aggressively saying variations of “just eat the bloody Churros or nothing” the group that keeps order.
2. The ones who only really value being part of a group giving up any personal desires/wants to go along with the crowd irrespective of how that is fulfilling to the individual “don’t rock the boat” and will take all manner of shit to be part of the crowd - just keep the peace at whatever cost. - the group that keeps society stable.
3. The people who actually don’t take kindly to being told what to do, the more you push them to do something your own way the more group 3 says “fuck off”. Natural contrarians - the group that actually pushes society to change and develop by not being afraid to stand out from the crowd.

Society needs all 3 but group 1 generally hates group 3 because group 3 favours chaos over order (group 3 is prob where many ADHDers sit). This means group 1 can’t do what they love and boss people around. Group 3 will see this as bullying and shout fuck off even louder.

Group 3 probably dislikes group 2 because they see them as boring appeasers who won’t rock the boat for what’s right. Group 2 are horrified at group 3 because they threaten social order which must be upheld at all costs.

The 3 groups, esp 1 and 3 prob shouldn’t holiday together

I cannot imagine making 5 people wait a few minutes for you to choose a different drink to the one that looked perfectly nice that everyone was having. You sound like a diva, I’m sorry.

I’m actually wondering if this is a reverse now and you are the MIL. You coming down the stairs and seeing everyone with their shoes on - you should have shoved yours on as well - who gives a shit if your hair is frizzy or you haven’t had a coffee - if you make them wait for a hair dry and a coffee when they’d told you the were leaving early, well, I can’t imagine having the arrogance to do that.

You are one of a big group of 6. Stop disrupting it!!

I bet you are actually the frustrated MIL or SIL.

There's nothing like holidays to bring out the differences!

Agree.
I can go on holiday with one sister. I categorically could not go with another, though she periodically states how amazing it would be. I love her, but we would fall out Very Quickly!

I agree, @BeesTrees. On its own, the breakfast incident does sound a bit like @PooStep being difficult, but her updates tell a different story - her PIL do sound controlling. I guess that the rest of the family are 'trained' to do whatever they are told by FIL and MIL, so the thought of someone having their own opinions and different choices/preferences is horrifying - partly because they know there could be repercussions and have learned to fear those.