Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Ha yes here’s the backstory. Your first post is written in a way that makes in laws seems really unreasonable. Then every post since you’ve let a little more slip that shows in fact it’s you!

Last year we went on holiday with some extended family members but before we went we made our expectations really clear. Which were basically that we (Me, DH and DCs) would be operating on our own timeframe. We would be organising meals and activities and would let our relatives know about them so they were welcome to join us but they would be responsible for getting there, booking own tickets, being ready at the time we said etc. otherwise they could do their own thing at that time instead.
It all went really smoothly because everyone had a clear understanding. Sometimes we did things together and sometimes we didn't. It was a fab holiday all round.
Perhaps this would work better for you guys? Although I guess it's maybe complicated by the fact FIL is paying for the holiday?

Ps) holidays can be a great time to embrace frizzy hair, pop in a high pony or a headscarf.

Or maybe the in-laws could accept they can’t control what she wants to eat or drink or just decide where she is going and at what time.

Honestly, the only thing “going with the flow” unquestionably does is enable bullies.

I hope the link works, it's that clip
(you don't need an account to watch it,just close the "joining in" pop up

https://www.facebook.com/bbccomedy/videos/motherland-lunch-with-the-in-laws/209115851077449/

Having read all of the OPs updates, she's the faffer on the holiday, which is always incredibly irritating for everyone else who ends up waiting around for said faffer to stop faffing. Wasting everyone else's time with no consideration.

It wasn’t groupthink - she had agreed to try the breakfast item!

Because it's incredibly dismissive. Especially to do it ast the last minute saying "oh I didn't realise there would be options". I honestly can't see how any one with any degree of empathy can't see that.

You lost me with the last post, if five other adults get themselves ready for exactly the same time why are you the one in the shower totally oblivious? Surely there was a time set and they didn’t miraculously appear ready at the door together. That would annoy me if we had day trip plans to have to wait around and someone just hadn’t bothered being on time.

The rest of it sounds like maybe they’re controlling and rigid, but also it could be that they’re fed up maybe after years of feeling like you’ve got to make a song and dance about doing the opposite of every decision and then constantly waiting at the last moment.

It’s hard to tell what’s the truth of it but tbh it doesn’t sound like you mix well with them anyway, or that they actually like you! What the says for the relationship going forward I’ll leave you to you. Personally I wouldn’t stand for anyone eye rolling me on holiday.

What was it?

Based on the OP it seems they are all awful BUT when you descrive examples i think yabu. You sound like a faffer which is so annoying. You want to walk down the streets to look at the other restaurants when the one everyone is stood outside seems perfectly fine and everyone is hungry. You want to browse the menu at length rather than quickly pick. In the bar / drinks scenario if I wanted a different drink id have picked it in under 10 secs and all the drinks would be ordered together.

I'm not sure it's attention seeking but your behaviour does sound REALLY annoying.
Honestly they are paying for the holiday just go with the group.

Insisting on a "quick coffee" when everyone is ready to go is just rude. Tomorrow but up and ready early and shower first.

ordering full English in cinabun shop (or whatever eauivalent) is honestly plain difficult just get a bun! Same with the drinks.

And sorry but if people are telling you 'not to start" its a clear indicator you have form.

They don't want to control what she eats and drinks, they just want her, in this one situation where she's agreed to go out and have this special family treat, to have this special family treat and not faff around. If she doesn't want to, she needn't have gone at all.

This is difficult to call. On the face of it, you are not being unreasonable to want to make your own choices. However, their reaction suggests that "going against the grain" is a big feature of who you are and that they perceive this to be an intentionally obstructive act. Most people compromise. I personally would have waited for you to choose your drink/ food before we all ordered. But then I also wouldn't have made 5 people wait while I had a coffee and dried my hair.

If 6 people agree to go to the beach for a swim, but then person number six, upon arriving there, says "actually I might want to go for a walk or hire a surfboard" there is nothing wrong with that individual changing their mind. But it's not a very sociable thing to do, and expecting others to wait while you contemplate the options might not be what they want. It does sound like you have form for this type of behaviour

This sounds like a cultural issue to me.

In a lot of counties , for hygiene reasons, dishes are brought to the table as soon as they are ready rather than held at the pass until every meal is prepared. For the same food hygiene reasons, people eat their food as soon as it is served, rather than allowing it to cool down.

It’s not really a back story, it’s just another example of the in-laws expecting the OP to jump when they say jump.- I can’t see anyone here saying “we would like to do X today and would like to leave at x time. Is that something you would like to do and does that time suit you OP?”

I can kind of see their point now you mention other examples. If the group are going somewhere for a specific thing and then one person changes their mind at the last minute it makes it less of a 'group activity' and to them (not saying this is right or wrong) you are rejecting the group's already agreed decision. Unless your husband has form for being a complete dick, then if he is making comments like 'not again' then you have made having a 'quick look' an annoying part of your character that other people are noticing.

Ah so it's an ego and don't want people being able to change their mind thing?

Over food? 🤣

Edit to add - no empathy for the person who has done something incredibly normal like fancying something else on the day?

I think OP - next time pay for your own holiday and stop going with them - they dont like you nor you them. Sounds like there is a history of you wanting to be different which i guess is fine - it does sound like they want to do stuff/experience stuff together. The coffee/hair drying thing would have fucked me off and i would have left without you sorry 😂

I think you perhaps don’t read the room very well when it comes to a joint experience. It’s difficult to say why but it can be really annoying to always have to wait for the same person especially if you make a bit of a point about being a little bit different. I’d probably also been a bit annoyed about the scenario where you walked out of the shower, saw everyone ready to go but still expected to dry your hair AND have a coffee while they stood around! I’d probably have said, give me 2 mins to dry my hair and DH can you grab me a drink to go?

Basically though it comes down to the fact that they find you very annoying. If your DH and you are fine when they’re not around I’d consider just not going on these joint holidays as they can be a bit of a pinch point. But if your DH is a dick like this all the time I think I’d be suggesting a trial separation or some counselling.

Agree 100%

Worrying about frizzy hair on holiday is mad. Here’s a trick OP, throw some conditioner in it while it’s still wet. Brush it through, give it a scrunch and leave it. If you’ve anything other than bone straight hair it won’t frizz and you’ll have some gorgeous curls.

I won’t put a hair drier anywhere near my hair without a diffuser. Rips the moisture right out it.

If you don’t want attention why start a thread on MN all about you?

But it’s their expectations that are wrong here, surely you can see that. It’s their desire to eat this thing, not hers. How utterly bizarre to sulk because someone fancied something else to eat when they realised there were options available.

There’s a really simple solution. Pay for your own holidays and do everything at your own convenience.

@AthWat of course @PooStep didn't need to go if she didn't want to, however, that's not what happened.
It sounds like they were all waiting for her, she was intending to go but didn't want to have frizzy hair and wanted a coffee - TBH I would find this bloody annoying

I bet a lot of people who voted you were not being unreasonable, now regret that having read your later posts.

Shall we close Mums net down? Equally you’re an attention seeker for responding and providing a contrary attitude to the OP