Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

What would they have done if you had an allergy to an ingredient in the food item or drink?

My PIL have paid holidays for us... with no strings... we can do what we want but nice to do family things.

I would be climbing the walls if I had to spend every waking minute with my family or my in laws and I like them all (mostly)

You’re putting your individual likes above collective harmony - time and time again. Try going with the flow and see if relations improve.

Well, I take a month of Sundays to get ready in the morning, so I do sympathise with OP a bit, but I also absolutely hate being late for anything or feeling like I'm holding up other people so I plan accordingly and get up at stupid o'clock if there's an early start. My DH knows this so is never surprised (or annoyed) if I'm asking about tomorrow's plans the night before (I even do it with him and he doesn't mind at all because he knows I'm trying to be considerate). This situation is slightly different, I guess, as it sounds as if OP was given little notice of the early start, but she could have chosen not to wash her hair that morning (unless it was absolutely minging!), or rough-dried it for once while DH brought her a coffee to drink at the same time, or just said she didn't realise it was an early start and doesn't want to hold them all up so they should go without her. Any of my responses to OP's particular situation would have been based on causing the least irritation for the majority of the group and the fact that OP thought should could dry her hair and then get herself a coffee seems to me like she was determined to take her own sweet time whilst not being sympathetic to others' desires.
Mind you, I've never been so conflicted on a thread where I've found myself agreeing with one person's view and then finding merit in a totally opposing point of view! 😂

Exactly right. This hasn’t happened in isolation and I suspect it was the straw.

reminds me of Motherland and MIL Elizabeth suddenly deciding she didn't like fish only after sitting in a fish restaurant 😂

I’m surprised to say that I am also with the in laws on this one.

@PooStepthere is nothing wrong in choosing your own food. But there is a consistent pattern here and you would be wise to reflect on that.

It may just be that you are very different people and holidays together are not wise.

I think it will improve the holiday to really listen and try to communicate better.

There is a difference between being asked if you want a pineapple drink to try and being asked if you would like a drink more generally.

There is a difference between being invited to a specific breakfast experience and going out for breakfast with people.

They are saying the former, wanting to share with you and you are hearing the latter and doing your own thing. It feels like a snub to them.

If you see things you would like to try or places you want to go, you need to be suggesting them to everyone as something you can all do together. They will respond better to this kind of communication and connection than the "you do you," kind of vibe.

it is likely the in-laws and the husband suddenly discovered such allergy existed only when ordering the "food item"? 😂

You need to "read the room" a bit and fit in. It sounds like you are being awkward just because you can.

Don't you see anything wrong at all in agreeing to go along with everyone to a cafe to try some special item and then, when you get there, announcing that you don't really care about their recommendation after all and want something else of completely unknown standard? Nothing at all?

I think you should have checked the time that you were leaving at before showering when you know your hair needs to be dried, and having a coffee when everyone is sitting waiting is a bit much.

From your messages, OP, the only one I can understand is the day trip one. I get if everyone was up and ready on time, they might be frustrated that you weren’t.

Ordering the same drink or food is very controlling and I wouldn’t go along with it just to make everyone happy. It’s your holiday too and someone paying for a lovely trip shouldn’t equal control over you for the duration of the trip.

To be honest, I slightly empathise with your husband as he would’ve grown up with this dynamic and probably doesn’t realise how crazy it is. He just knows he has to stick to his parents rules to be loved. An unhealthy dynamic, of course, but it can take months of therapy to realise that your parents have conditioned you that way. Saying that, I wouldn’t take being called attention seeking for wanting to look at a menu or have a different drink. Your ILs are rude and controlling and your husband weak for just joining in. It’s all incredibly emotionally immature. I get that it’s fun to all experience the same things together and have these joint moments but they mean nothing if everyone HAS to it.

I would probably take a deep breath and tell my husband it hurt my feelings that he just joined in with the criticism. It’s okay if he thinks it but he could’ve had that chat with you one to one rather than joining in. I would say his parents are being rude and you don’t think you’ll plan to join future trips as holidays where you’re only allowed to eat/drink what you in-laws feel like isn’t fun. I’d apologise for being late that day and ask that he communicates strict timings from his parents better so it doesn’t happen again. He’ll probably get all arsey and defensive. Try to stay calm and say you get that this is how he’s grown up and it’s how his relationship with his parents works but you’re a grown woman and don’t feel the need to do as you’re told.

I’d also do a bit of healthy self reflection (which it sounds like you’re doing). They seem keen on the term attention seeking. Is there any truth in it? Do you always go for the different option? No harm in wanting other things but it might make you understand why they have such an issue with you!

I bet it was an English cooked breakfast in a Spanish resort.

"We are going to the Churros place"
"Great, I am looking forward to try the famous churros"
*could we have 6 Churros portions please"
*Oh wait, I don't like Churros, maybe I want a salad or a fish pie, can you bring me the menu from Churros place"

😂😂

It sounds as if this should be the last time you go on holiday with the ILs regardless of whether they are paying.

For whatever reason they seem to have decided that you are attention seeking and now there's a bit of 'yellow car syndrome' going on - every time you make a choice that is different to the rest of the family it's noticed - pineapple drinks, Mystery Breakfast Item, going for a walk on your own, not being ready to go out...

All of those are perfectly normal choices to make as an adult (apart from the being late bit) but DH's family are now tuned in to notice and comment every time it happens.

I guess your options are to be conscious of it yourself and try to comply with their preferences occasionally or continue to make your own choices and accept that rightly or wrongly it'll be called out.

I think there is more to this story than is being told and your last update would give me some sympathy for your in-laws. They were all ready to go, your dh said to you they wanted to set out early. Personally I would have either waited to wash my hair or gone out wet and forgot about the coffee.

I think you just need to go with the flow a bit more and get over the holiday. Then never go on holidays with them and certainly not with them paying.

"What would they have done if you had an allergy to an ingredient in the food item or drink?"

I admit this is just a wild guess on my part, but just as a stab in the dark, maybe they would not have suggested she try it if it was going to kill her?

I think they’re being unreasonable to get annoyed.

seems to be one of those instances where people have different approaches to holiday though. Like some people like the classic food, the getting up and at em early. V those who like to choose their own (fine) and be a bit slower getting ready. Just don’t go away with them next time.

id expect dh to support tho.

Quick Look is an option for looking at documents on a Mac. Maybe on other Apple devices too?

I don't. Why would someone be so uptight about their special recommendation not being followed?

Why would they need their food choices validating so much?

Really odd needy behaviour.

Why wash your hair when you know everyone was keen to get out? You are coming across difficult. Reminds me of a relative who does annoying things.

Yh sorry you have form for this .... Next time a quick "no thanks" & returning later if necessary
Also your mum-in-law shouldn't have had a chance to bitch the second you heard the start of "shall we wait" you say "no, no go ahead"

I like where you are going

It's unlikely to have any link with reality, but it's a great plot 😂

Sorry, I replied to the wrong person there, I was actually replying to the post you quoted!

My sister in law was like @PooStep, everything was on her terms. Each thing in isolation would seem a bit annoying but reasonable but as someone upthread said, but put together it was as though this became a big part of her personality. She would be late because she wanted to do something, had a different meal because she’d read something about a specific type of chicken she wanted to try, when everyone else was chatting she would go for a walk when she didn’t want to go for a walk half an hour previously.

It was really clear that she didn’t want to be part of the family and would go out of her way to make that clear. She very much looked down on my parents and treated them appallingly even though they bent over backwards to be kind and supportive to her and my brother.

@PooStep I may be wrong but this is the vibe I’m getting from your posts.