Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

I don't think you are attention seeking. You definitely DO have a communication issue though. Your communication is poor - as evidenced on this thread where the information is vague and a bit odd which suggests that you do not actually understand normal communication cues.

But it is also entirely possible that your Dh adn in laws communication is poor too. Hard to tell.

Eg re the day out. When was this decided? If you woke up and your Dh said, "we want to go to this museum and leave early" it would be a bit unreasonable for him to expect you to leap up and be ready in 10 minutes. If, however, you'd all agreed this the might before, it's different.

Also, I have my doubts about your "quick" shower. In my experience, there's always that ONE person who says, "I'll just have a quick shower" and an hour later you're still waiting..... From the sounds of things, by the time you GOT in the shower, your DH was already up, showered and dressed and just needed to have coffee. So what had you been doing before that?

Also, it sounds like they spend a lot of time waiting for yoyu - waiting for you to decide what to eat when you don't want the MBI. Waiting for you to decide what to drink when you don't want the pineapple mocktail (in my family, the person who wants something different would be expected to make a decisionin the time in takes to make the order for everyone else so the additional item can be tacked on). Waiting for you to wake up and start getting ready (I'm guessing). Waiting for you to complete a full toilette before going out for the day.

I would find that EXHAUSTING.

I would hate to go on holiday with them, but making people wait on purpose is a really nasty, power-trip thing to do.

"... if there is a planned activity at a certain time that you're all participating in, you need to turn up on time."

Or not go. Not go is fine. Just don't go, then not take part.

You do sound annoying OP. When travelling with a group I always try to make things easy as logistics are often complicated enough. Choosing restaurants, getting the orders, can be stressful. My MIL is a little bit like you. She makes things awkward fro everybody, with her choices out of sync.

So because she wanted to order her own food, that's attention seeking? 😂😂😂😂 she didn't want the same thing they did, that's allowed. It's also allowed to change your mind. I don't see why she should have eaten something she didn't want just to please a bunch of people who quite clearly don't care about her

I would love to hear the other side of the story.

“don’t start this now for gods sake” absolutely means it's a usual problem.

Coming downstairs wanting to do your hair and make a coffee when everyone else is at the door ready to go? Come on, at the very least when people say they plan on leaving early, you check the actual time? Why didn't you husband even mention that you had to get ready now, now 3 hours later. It's weird.

YABU to go on holidays with In-Laws in the first place 😂but it also sounds like the others have some reasons for being irritated, even if they should be polite enough to hide it.

I am sorry but they need to grow up. Take no notice, carry on and enjoy your holiday. Eat and drink as you please and if that offends so be it.
When you get home you need to sort your husband out because he is a wimp.
By the way. What as this speciality meal?

Eg re the day out. When was this decided? If you woke up and your Dh said, "we want to go to this museum and leave early" it would be a bit unreasonable for him to expect you to leap up and be ready in 10 minutes. If, however, you'd all agreed this the might before, it's different.

Having read the updates, I agree with this.

You all agreed to stop in for what was going to be a quick breakfast, changed your mind as your FIL was ordering, chose something else, and as a result held everyone else up.

You had them waiting for you as you dried your hair and had coffee. Same with the pineapple drink.

An individual does not have to conform to the group, but nor does the group have to conform to the individual. You don’t want to be held to their timetable, but you seem to expect them to be held to yours, on a holiday they’ve paid for you to join them on no less.

There’s clearly a backstory here. On the surface this one incident may seem minor, but there’s a pattern of behavior they have an increasingly low tolerance for.

If you want an individual experience don’t go on a group holiday.

100% - imagine the entire group sitting in front of their fresh warm patisserie while their coffee goes cold just because one person in the group wants sausages and eggs cooking.

I’d never expect anyone to wait. If the majority of people are served they should tuck right in.

In your example, don't tell me that you'll come with me to the special chicken restaurant and try the chicken sandwich then when we get there announce you don't like chicken! Surely you see what's wrong with that.

I don't think you were unreasonable to get a menu and order something different, I don't think they were unreasonable to go ahead and eat. But I think they feel that you were trying to spoil the experience for them, that the special item they were so looking forward to wasn't good enough for you. I am not saying I agree, just that this is how they feel.

I’ve just seen that PIL are paying for this holiday. You definitely need to go with the flow and avoid disrupting things, that being the case.

Sod that. I’ll eat what I want to, thank you.

I can kind of see both sides here. A group of people who like things a particular way, with a possibly controlling "leader" (guessing FIL), joined by a somewhat oblivious faffer.
It was always going to end up as an MN thread.

I said not unreasonable until I read all your updates. You sound exhausting. Changed my mind after the hair/coffee situation. If they told you they wanted to leave early why didn’t you ask what time you needed to be ready for? and once you knew they were ready to go why didn’t you do anything to hurry up? I would have left without you.

Ok I’ve read the rest of your updates op. Sorry, you sound a pain in the arse.

I can see you are genuinely struggling to understand what’s going wrong here and that you aren’t being purposefully difficult. Your In-Laws clearly think you aren’t a team player and maybe that’s not you but them….but sometimes in a group situation you have to go along with the majority. My possible read from their point of view on the examples you have given would
be

• family decides to have famous pastries in famous cafe. On arrival daughter in law orders a full meal that everyone has to wait for throwing off timing, throwing off meal plans for the day etc
• family is up and ready for an early start. Husband is ready and goes down.. daughter in law is not ready, and in fact only starts getting ready quite some time after everyone else and therefore whole family waits for an additional 40mins/hr while she finishes
• family are wandering through marketplace and see a nice drink, ready prepared that they can grab and go. Daughter in law then wants to peruse board, queue and order a diff drink to be made thus meaning everyone has to wait for hers to be ready thus turning a pit stop into a waiting game for everyone else

You have every right to enjoy your meals and your drinks but being honest with yourself, do they have a point that you don’t respect or operate within the norms of the group you are travelling with?

I think they are being completely unreasonable about the food and the drinks. You're an adult and allowed to order what you like. I can have sensory issues with food due to being ND and I would not have anyone telling me what I can and can't eat. It's your holiday too.

However on the second thing with your hair, you were being unreasonable. They told you they wanted to leave early. You decided to swan about, wash your hair and then saunter down for a coffee still not ready. You could have easily thrown it up in a clip or put on a headband. You can clip down short hair. There was no need to wash your hair if you knew it was going to take you longer.

I couldn't go on holiday like this. In future let your husband go with them by himself. But I'd be pulling him up on the attention seeker comment.

I don’t think you were unreasonable at breakfast but I do think you were a bit unreasonable wanting to dry your hair and have a coffee when you knew everyone wanted to leave early.

When you holiday as a "gang" it's often better to fall into line, especially by with family. Why not try it, just the once? Would that have been so hard?

I also probably think you should have apologised at breakfast - something like, oh I’m sorry that my item took another 15 mins, I hadn’t realised that [the special item they were waiting for] was ready immediately and that mine needed to be prepared to order. Or something along those lines.

That would wind me up tbh. It’s clear everyone is planning to go out early, and you decide to wash your hair knowing that by doing so it’s going to be a while before you are ready.

Given the examples you’ve given I think you need to go with the flow a bit more, especially if someone else has paid for your holiday.

Alternatively book and pay for your own holiday with DH and then you won’t have any conflict with the ILs. (Though you may not have any choice next time if you carry on irritating them.)

These people think you are a pain. They may be right, I don’t know you. I wouldn’t go on holiday with them again, it doesn’t sound fun for anyone. Your DH should be supporting you in front of them btw, he is a dick for taking their side.

Your DH sounds like a wet wipe mummy's boy.

The holiday will be over soon but what about afterwards? I'm not sure I could forgive a partner who had hissed at me like that every time I'd failed to comply with his family's groupthink.