Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Must admit, I loved the analogy about turning up to the family Sunday Roast with a packed lunch. 😂

I think there’s probably an element of reading room you are missing. They others are used to holidaying together and you are a bit out of loop.
They sound like they are get up and get on with it type eg breakfast they thought plan agreed was to get cinnamon buns ie sit down say 6 buns eat and go. Instead you added a wait for menu, you ordering separately.
The drink thing was we are getting a pineapple drink do you want one not look at menu order something else.
I think on a group holiday there’s a lot of compromise and fitting in with group.
It does sound like there’s a lot of having to wait for you and they’ve got fed up of this.
For rest of holiday I’d ask Dh to be really clear on plans and times then don’t holiday again with them.

It's when it becomes a pattern, and it's every time. I have examples earlier, ALWAYS asking the driver if the bus goes where it says it does on the front, ALWAYS wanting to customise every order, or enquire about things clearly not on the menu. Always being the last to be ready, because it's just how you are. It becomes tiresome.

Life is indeed too short for a lot of things.

Kind of feels you're being a bit vague with details here to paint yourself in the best light (we can all be guilty of this, even to ourselves).

Was everyone else having a pre made pastry and you ordered a very complicated baked egg dish that upended everyones pre-agreed plans for a quick simple breakfast? This could explain their annoyance. Different people work on different speeds when on holiday and it can defo be a source of friction regardless of whether this is reasonable or not. Joint holidays do take a bit of compromising to run smoothly. This should be from everyone though, not just yourself.

However your DH should not be joining in any passive aggression towards you. Your his wife and he should have your back in public (he can of course GENTLY call you out on any BS in private).

The in-laws sound like a bunch of cnuts to be honest, husband included 🤷🏼‍♀️
It sounds so much like controlling parents, where if you don't do exactly what they want, when they want, oh well you're a bad kid then, you're being difficult, a disappointment, why can't you just be like [sibling]. But in this case it's your husband and his family vs you. They will not stop setting you up for failure, like the instance of them not communicating exactly what was expected of you in terms of what time they were all leaving for the early morning start. They will view every minor inconvenience as your fault, and any time you make choices for yourself, as a grown arse woman, they'll say you're actively going out of your way to be difficult. Sack them off, they're not worth the aggro.
As for your husband, if he wanted an obedient lap dog, he should have gone to a rescue centre and adopted one, not married a woman who can think for herself. You sure that's the sap you want to be stuck with for the rest of your life?

I’m going to assume that you don’t know your ILs well. There is a clear subtext to the holiday and food. You are clearly expected to go along with the drink/food/itinerary decided by the PILs- not make your own choices. So offer of breakfast was actually offer of specific breakfast item, offer of mocktail was pineapple only.

Your h is the problem. You’re not attention seeking by bringing different to the group but your h should have warned you that the expectation is that you go along with the group and that’s the true cost of the holiday. (No such thing as a free lunch ) Your h is the person in the world who should know you best yet how the fuck did he come up with attention seeking to describe you? Yanbu to be furious at that label when he could have warned you to go along with the group to make a good impression even if he knew that you would prefer mango over pineapple. Presumably he knew what time you went in the shower so could have told you to not wash your hair or whatever so that you didn’t inadvertently spoil the day.

Would it have really hurt to have gone along with everyone else?

Why tf should she? She wasn't going on about the dish for days. They did.

Your in-laws are weird, and your husband sounds like a dick, OP. Good luck with them.

Should have looked at menu before you went…

15 mins is a long time to wait… I don’t think they should wait for your food…

but you DH is rude especially the final comment

It does sound like they are all sick of you being on a different schedule to them, holding them up, choosing the different thing or taking longer to decide. They are moving as a group and you are still pondering on a different level.

Im not saying this is a character flaw or you’re specifically seeking attention. I’d say they are wrong to name it this. What they mean is that you are going against the grain. The more examples you give the more you can understand their exasperation. You had agreed with them that day that you would all be ordering the same thing, so they felt everyone was finally doing this thing together and timed together, could then leave together when everyone was done. Only for you to U turn on arrival and once again they would find themselves ready to leave while you were just tucking into your contrary breakfast, having decided not to enjoy the unique exciting experience they set out to enjoy altogether.

As one offs this wouldn’t be such a big deal but it doesn’t look like a one off. On this occasion with the morning coffee, if I saw everyone was ready to leave I might have said, “I didnt know we were leaving so early and I haven’t dried my hair or had my morning coffee yet. If DH can make me a coffee in a to go cup, I will quickly dry my hair most of the way and we can leave when the coffee is ready.”

Try and meet them half way, rather than “let me fully dry my hair then sit down and sip until I’m good and ready”

But I might, if I'd, for example, thought I would like churros and then seen them and decided I wouldn't (I can't eat food covered in cinnamon, and if I found that the churros were all coated in it then I'd have to change my mind). Surely you can say 'yes, I'd like to try that' and then see it and decide you wouldn't?

I've got a mental picture of the OP right now, suitcase in hand, waiting for a taxi to the airport to escape these control freaks.
Not the sort of holiday I'd want, paid for or not.

YABU.
I think context is everything here.
Sounds like it is a specific restaurant for this specific dish - would you have a beef burger at a rick stein fish restaurant? Yes I am sure they sell meat dishes but why go to that type restaurant if you want a beef burger?

My youngest DC will go against the grain on every single thing - the rest of the family wants to go bowling, he'll say lazer quest, the rest of the family agree on pasta for tea, he wants fish fingers. These are just 2 examples but he does it for EVERYTHING. TBH it's exhausting and means that often he is excluded from the decision making process because he will disagree on literally everything. It's like an innate need to go against the grain and not be 'controlled.'

Sounds like you are doing everything to do things on your terms, yet you are on a group holiday.
It sounds like PILs are quite sticklers to routine, they shouldn't dictate to you what to do in 'downtime,' but equally if there is a planned activity at a certain time that you're all participating in, you need to turn up on time.

DH said I was attention seeking by insisting on drying my hair and having a coffee when I knew they wanted to set off. If my hair dries naturally it goes incredibly frizzy and awful. He knows this.

You lost my vote at this point. You know your hair gets frizzy - then why wash it that morning?

You came down, saw they were waiting and still wanted to get a coffee? You wanted them or at least your H to wait for you with the drinks, and STILL want people to wait for you in the morning to follow your own routine???

YABU and selfish

I was with you until your recent update and the hairdrying etc.

You are a faffer - doesnt necessarily make you attention seeking, just a bit unaware of what is happening around you in the wider group.

They clearly have holidayed together many times before and follow a bit of a routine between themselves and you are perceived as a disruptor. I also think if someone else is paying for your holiday you lose some of the autonomy you would ordinarily have.

Ughhh, and this is why no one should holiday with The Out Laws lol

I’d have a serious word with DH about how he behaves towards you, when he is with his family. Not at all acceptable.

They sound quite unpleasant to be honest, and I would probably pick them up on it, and then please myself for the rest of the trip……

Hmmmmm - I used to have a SIL ( now ex) who had Main Character syndrome, a lot of what the op says is ringing bells.
Its no fun when someone in a group wants everyone tailored to them, making the rest of the group wait.

Yes, but that's not what happened. Saying "Oh, to be honest now I see that I can't eat any because of the cinnamon" and then either not having anything or ordering something else quick is entirely different from saying "Oh, if there's a menu - there might be something I might take a chance on liking more"

I'm also with the in-laws.

If they all picked something that was a simple pick and serve item whereas you picked a breakfast that required cooking yes that would have been rude.

If all the same cocktails could have been made together and you choose something that required waiting you kinda missed the point. Especially as you were specifically offered the pineapple, the polite answer is yes please or no thank you.

Early means different things to different people. I'd have made sure I was ready to that time.

If you are consistently making choices that require others to wait on those choices, then yes that is very rude and will annoy people very quickly. Especially if you are also taking the mikey of their generosity.

It's not about whether you conform to the group or not, it's if you are making choices that force the group to conform to you.

Which sounds very much like it may be the case

'I had a bit of sympathy for you until you posted this. I think that yes, you do have form for this. They weren't just irritated because of the churros/cooked breakfast issue, it's because you are a pain to travel with.'

This. Forget the breakfast item, the drink choice etc and try and develop some self awareness op. You don't need to eat what everyone else is eating but it isn't about that and I think deep down you must know this.

Sounds like my PIL. Everything is on their terms. No compromise or understanding that people operate differently.

We eat where PIL choose, leave at the time they want, walk where they want to walk and it's exhausting and infuriating. It's almost as if they have this unwritten itinerary and expectations that no one is aware of and it sets you up to fail.

Your DH doesn't sound very supportive OP. Is he under pressure from them?

I think if you’ve all agreed before to have one menu item, then you decide at the last minute to get something that takes 15 minutes longer, they’re entitled to… inwardly roll their eyes.

But no more than that. Actively making you feel like the odd one out is rude, unless there’s way more to this dynamic than you’re letting on.

Hmmm… you don’t sound like a team player

You said you wanted to go with them to join in on the ceremony of eating their special breakfast holiday whatever then ordered something different.

I can see why they’d be annoyed at that.

plus they did the right thing by not waiting for your meal.

I agree that there’s history of this / they struggle with you.

If I was you I’d wonder if I was very different to them and if it was something I could change or if we were all just incompatible.

The previous analogy that someone used, which OP said was very close to reality, tells it better. You plan to go to the famous churro place for the famous churros, everyone is excited, then on arrival you decide you’re going to order a full English breakfast.

Deciding you’d rather have a croissant would be one thing but going so far against the grain and holding everyone up (who are all finished their churros and coffee and ready to adventure by the time your full English is even cooked) is a bit shit.