Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

I could not be doing with being a part of a family like this. Weird and controlling.

Im a grown adult and no one tells me what to eat and drink.

Your dh sounds like a massive bellend, think very carefully about having children with this man. His family will try to take over and you'll be the difficult, attention seeking mother who can't do anything right.

They all sound like dicks

I absolutely do see why it matters - and have explained why in several posts.

As others have said there's clearly a backstory here and you must have form, rightly or wrongly, for irritating them. I wouldn't go on holiday with them again but for now just try and check plans and be ready to go out when everyone is.

They do seem a bunch of utter control-freak lockstepped shits

Poostep, poostep, quite contrary,
How does your holiday go?
With a quick look and in the black book,
And the family all having a row, row, row

When someone asked if everyone else had pastries and she had a full English, the OP said

“Yes ok this is a very similar scenario so maybe I was wrong on this occasion”

So yes, she had a big cooked thing, everyone else had something from the counter that they had gone specifically to try.
And had to sit around kicking their heels afterwards waiting for the OP’s Special Cooked Thing to arrive.

And wait while she perused the mocktail menu. And wait while she washed and dried her hair.

If the OP doesn’t like the PIL “joining in” style holidays (and I don’t like them much myself) she shouldn’t accept their free holidays.

How do you know that’s what they had, I can’t see any reference to specific food.

Anyway, I would have hated being the only one sitting there eating a full English while everyone had finished their pastry. The clanking of my cutlery against the plate while everyone sat there finished would have had me wishing I’d just ordered what they had (I get self conscious eating if no one else is).

I can see both sides here - not least as I know I have a tendency to be, as one poster put it perfectly, a Contrary Mary, when it comes to my in laws. And I try very hard to not be because I appreciate that it can come across as rude. And sometimes this means that I compromise on what I might want because I recognise that it’s important to acknowledge the social cues. So while I would absolutely want to do what you did re breakfast, they’re inviting me to be part of a shared experience and, by saying no, it would seem like a rejection of them.

That said, the hair drying would annoy me. In that case, it’s the reverse situation and my in laws are total faffers and we waste so much time waiting for them to get ready that I end up getting very cross especially when they’re doing stuff they don’t really need to do.

If it's about the timing, the thing is, the only person upset about the timing is the OP - she seems to think they should have waited for hers to arrive. She doesn't say they complained about waiting for her to finish.

Everyone knew what they would order when they got to the restaurant. OP tried to waste everyone’s time by ordering something different. This holiday is being paid for by her PIL who want to go out and sightsee and she’s ruining it for everyone.

Not just this incident but multiple incidents. She wants people to wait on her and gets upset when they don’t. It’s a terrible personality flaw.

It wouldn’t have killed her to look at the menu before she left for the restaurant - everything is online and she knew where they were going and knew everyone else ordered the same thing and wanted everyone to wait on her while she decided.

What do you think OP? Was the transaction about breakfast, or was it about negotiating relational space, wanting to be seen and considered, not wanting to be overlooked? Do you feel you need to keep reinforcing your presence with this group?

Pastry, egg custard. Ah its the same.
🔨 (that's supposed to be a gavel)

Complete lack of cinnamon flavour, and made with oils and all sorts of UPF shite instead of proper butter.

Hmmmm.... I've been on holiday with people who "just" want to do something different after the entire group has already made a decision and it can be infuriating.

So a plan to go to an art gallery in the morning, have a snack for lunch, go back to the hotel and get ready then have a drink in a bar before a full dinner turned into going to the art gallery later than planned (fine) but then she "just" had a look at the menu and had a full meal at about 2pm, then "just" wanted to pop out while the rest of us got ready because she'd seen a particular postcard or something, then she "just" had to get ready while the rest of us had to hang about bored in the hotel (needless to say it did not take her the "just ten minutes" she'd claimed), so we didn't have time for the drink at the bar we'd planned, and then she didn't fancy dinner because she'd had a full meal earlier. Rinse and repeat for five days and it got very wearing.

If she'd asked AIBU to want to go and get a postcard while my friends get ready, or AIBU to want to choose my own lunch, of course not..... but really it would have been AIBU to be wholly inconsiderate of the group at every possible opportunity.

OP's situation may be completely different of course but I'm getting the same vibes!

Does your husband always speak to you like that ?

It sounds like you’re being brow beaten into submitting to what a couple people want instead of being allowed to enjoy your holiday.

Try and go with the flow and wait until you get home to deal with it. I wouldn’t go on holiday with any of them again.

Yup. She seems put out that they didn't wait for her. And claimed she didn't know hers would take longer to prepare.

But if it WAS a cinnamon bun versus full English type scenario, of COURSE you'd know the full English would take longer to prepare. And that people would have to sit and wait for your breakfast to arrive OR tuck into theirs immediately and then be sitting and waiting for you to finish.

Hence why, I suspect, OP doesn't want to confirm what the dishes were.

They all wanted to go to a specific place one morning. I was up for this. DH got up and went to get a coffee. Told me they’ll be setting off early so I jumped in the shower, washed my hair, came down for a coffee and they were all sat shoes on waiting to go out!! DH said “are you going to get your shoes on?” So I said “I have to dry my hair and have a quick coffee yet!” SIL started taking her shoes off clearly looking pissed off and MIL muttered “half the day will be gone by time we get going”. Nobody told me we were on a strict time schedule!

I had a bit of sympathy for you until you posted this. I think that yes, you do have form for this. They weren't just irritated because of the churros/cooked breakfast issue, it's because you are a pain to travel with.

In the post I've quoted above you claim nobody told you that you were on a strict schedule but they did, they told you they'd be setting off early. After they told you they were setting off early you then went in the shower, washed your hair, came down for a coffee and they were waiting for you with shoes on. Your DH asked you if you were getting your shoes on and then you said you had to dry your hair. That's ridiculous and it shows you only care about yourself.
When they said they'd be setting off early you should have asked what time and then planned accordingly and realized there wasn't time to shower, wash hair, have coffee and dry hair.

You seem to think everyone should wait for you. All three examples involve others waiting - you decided you wanted something else at breakfast which meant everyone had to wait longer for you and that meant wasting time when you could have been exploring the city; then you said it would only take "a few minutes" to choose a mocktail (why can't it take 30 seconds to choose one) and then this with the showering and hair drying.

If you travel in a group everyone has to try to stick to the agreed time schedule that the majority of the group want otherwise you'll all end up hanging around in the accommodation for ages wasting time while one person faffs.

A "mystery breakfast item" is as annoying in a post as "DH outing hobby"

How can just saying what it is be more outing than this thread?

It's that if someone says "come here and try the churros" and you say "yes", then when you get there you try the churros. You don't get there and then say you want something else.

Yeah? Which is absolutely no problem.

Adults are allowed to change their minds over something as trivial and pathetic as this.

If I told a friend “Omg you need to come to McDonalds and try the breakfast pancakes” and they say “Yes, okay”. But to actually get to McDonalds and they say “Actually, I think I’ll look at the menu first…… I’m going to order the breakfast wraps instead”.

It’s a non-issue. You know why? Because I’m not an anal control freak. I don’t try and make my friends and family feel uncomfortable for literally changing their minds about ordering a dish.

Seriously how fucking bizarre and pathetic is that type of mindset?

Not anyone expecting you to eat the same as them all the time. Just on this one specific occasion when you've agreed to it beforehand

Still bizarre. I can’t see how the OP changing her mind and them having an extra 15 minutes in the cafe could be so outrageous.

Absolute freaks.

I’m glad I “don’t get it”. Life’s too short for this utter nonsense.

It sounds to me like it's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Probably just miscommunication and incompatibility - it can be hard to go on holiday with other people, no matter how well you all get on back at home.

I do think that ordering something else of the menu when you've gone out for a particular item could change the dynamic of the whole event. If you went for a quick breakfast of churros and chocolate, and you've changed it into a much longer event because you want a full cooked breakfast, then that's on you, and I can see why they would be annoyed with you.

Also, I think that you were wrong to insist on drying your hair and having a 'quick coffee' when you can see that everyone else is ready to go - it's annoying for the others, and possibly quite selfish on your part. Just skip the coffee, and shove your hair up, you can deal with it later.

But the drinks thing, and having to sit inside between 2pm and 4pm is odd, IMO, and quite controlling of your ILs. Surely it's up to you if you want to for a walk, it's no skin off their nose after all.

They told you they were setting off early so you decided to have a shower and wash your hair. Why did you have to wash your hair knowing you would then have to dry it? You also wanted a coffee before you left. It does sound like you are being a pain in the arse.

I was entirely with the OP on the basis of her first post, but with the added information about the pineapple drink and the story about everyone waiting around for her to dry her hair and have a ‘quick coffee’, it seems fairly clearly that they experience her, whether fairly or unfairly, as the one who’s always a bit of a dawdle on holidays, causing delays and meaning people need to wait around for her. It certainly suggests different holiday styles, and as though everyone might be happier holidaying separately.

I think YABU. I wouldn’t say it’s attention seeking, but in a communal or group setting when you’re trying to create a bonding experience by having the same experience together, something to talk about or connect over, or you need to be efficient, or it has been a long-held want of someone in the group that you do this together, it’s a bit contrarian and entitled to insist on having your own individual experience at the last minute.

emotional resonance is really important in human connection and that sometimes means putting personal preferences aside to connect with people in the moment

I'm just guessing tbh.

I wouldn't care, but I don't tend to hang around with people who would think it's weird for me to order food different to them 😬 or people who would be strangely offended if I didn't want to eat what they were excited about. Because my friends and family are generally normal 🤣

You are in quite a big group. Personally, in a group of 6, if they’d been going on about an item, I’d have happily eaten that, regardless of what’s on the menu. You had said that you were up for trying it so FIL was not unreasonable to order it for you. As he then did order it (in good faith, knowing you’d agreed to it when it was discussed, rather than just deciding for you because he wanted to), you were particularly unreasonable to say that you wanted to see the menu. Seeing as your menu item took 15 mins longer to come, you did cause a bit of weirdness IMO and they were right not to let their food go cold because you had decided to be a bit princessy. May have been unintentional, may have been attention seeking - not enough info to be sure. Your own DH said it was attention seeking so, unless he is a horrible person, you should probably consider why he said that and whether it’s accurate.

Also the pineapple mocktail - unless you don’t like pineapple, just get it. Again, 6 people is quite a chunky group - not just for serving, but for the complexity of orders and fannying about. I wouldn’t have fannied about, I’d have just had the breakfast item and the pineapple mocktail.

If I was in a big group with you, I would wonder why you didn’t just go with the flow and keep things practical and easy.