Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

In this situation yes. If you say to someone who hasnt tried something "you must come here and try this" and they agree, and then when you get there they decide they want something else.
This doesn't actually happen to me very often so it doesn't really impact my life. Is it common for you?

Each new update makes you sound worse tbh! I would also be annoyed sat waiting for you when everyone else was ready. I think you are firmly in attention seeking territory.

I feel really torn after reading the full thread. I'm very much a firm believer of not following the crowd/making your own decisions but it does feel like you're choosing something else to just be contrary. The breakfast place sounds like ir specialises in a particular item that everyone was keen to have and for you to try. The mocktail fair enough I hate pineapple, but knowing everyone wanted to go out early yet you chose to wash your hair and have a coffee. That seems an odd choice to me. As others have said I definitely think there's more back story to this.

I don't think your unreasonable. If the want to leave at 8am they need to communicate that so you can be ready at the specified time. Honestly, it sounds like they want clones of themselves rather than free thinking people. Fuck me, I ask my 4 and 6 year old what they fancy I don't order for them and dictate what they are having. Do you have the option of going home? I'd look at the costs of flights out of that shit show. You're going to be called attention seekng whatever you do. You mat as well fuck off, chill at home and leave them to enjoy their match same same holiday/ food/ drinks.

Tell them all to go f*ck themselves and go on day trips yourself! Oh then divorce him when you get home for being a massive w⚓️

Oh dear. You are coming across as bit difficult in a group family holiday context. Especially the hair/coffee thing.

Happily OP hasn't had her individuality and self esteem beaten out of her by the disapproval of others
You would eat something you didn't want for the sake of 'happily being you-but-a-you-that-goes-with-the-flow'?

The flakery around the hair-washing/drying and coffee time whilst keeping everyone else waiting would have driven me barmy.

Yeah you do sound slightly irritating. I think on group trips you just go with the flow, especially if they’ve paid for you to go. There’s nothing worse than everyone being ready and waiting for one person or when everyone’s happy to do one thing but one person wants another.

I can't imagine inviting someone to come on a holiday as my guest and then assuming that because I'm paying they can only eat or drink what I tell them to. That's incredibly controlling and weird. If they genuinely believe this then I don't think OP is the one whose social skills are lacking.

I'm taking one of my friends out for dinner tomorrow for her birthday. Since I'm paying, is it normal or acceptable for me to choose her food and beverage for her? Ridiculous.

Always difficult on group trips. I admire you for standing your ground and not just falling in line. I’m a typical people pleaser so would have just gone with the flow, usually to my own detriment. I bet your IL would love me 😂

I wouldn't go on holiday with them again, especially if they think paying you to go means they get to control what you do, including your food choices.

These people are irritated by you, whether you mean to be irritating or not.
They either simply don’t like you or you are a difficult person and don’t realise.

I did once, with relatives I really loved, but it was similar in that it was their holiday home abroad and my entire holiday was based on what they wanted to do (obvious really as I didn’t know the place and I was in their home). But I was in my thirties and it did jar with me, even though they were lovely people. The last straw was when they ordered for me in a restaurant they frequented. I didn’t say anything though and there was nothing wrong with the food but I didn’t repeat the holiday.

And Pastel de Nata is just a posh overrated egg custard that you can get 2 for £3 from Tesco.

Yeaaaaa I said it!!

I'd have had a full English too 🤣

I find his use of “attention seeking” beyond bizarre. None of your behaviour is. They sound horrible and toxic as a family.

I agree with this. We once had a family members gf round once, we had arranged a packed day of activities for ds birthday. We had cooked a full English before going out, the friends gf didn't eat because she was tired and wanted a lie in. By the time we were ready to leave for the first pre-booked activity, gf came downstairs asking for a cup of tea ( the rest of us had coats and shoes on waiting for her and ready to leave). We were then rushing to get to the activity and she decided to stop at a bakery en route because she was hungry. Totally oblivious to the effort and plans that had been made and yes unable to read a room. OP sounds similar to me.

I agree, but I don't think her DH would support her choice to not go on the family holidays that his parents pay for.

I wouldn’t go on holiday with them again. I think the problem is that you are on their family holiday and they’re used to doing things their way and obviously like everyone having the same thing or doing the same thing at the same time. SILs husband is obviously happy to go along with this, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.

You were brought up in a different family and a different way. They seem quite uptight and rigid to me. No one in my family would be bothered by any of the things you’ve done. It’s like going out for a fancy Sunday roast and someone ordering a burger or pasta dish off the menu, happens all the time in my family and my in-laws and no one cares. And I couldn't stand having to sit inside with everyone for 2 hours on holiday, what’s the bloody point? Your MiL moans at you one day that half the day will be gone but spends a good chunk of everyday indoors?

I’m torn! I do think you sound a bit difficult but they seem equally rigid. To be honest I think the breakfast cafe failing to bring out all of the breakfasts together probably set a bad tone with DH’s family, but it’s not your fault.

I think the answer is simply to not go on holiday with them. It seems DH and SIL are happy to fall in line in the ‘children’ role but it doesn’t mean you have to.

Based on your examples and that even your husband is fed up, I agree there is some attention seeking behaviour here. I have a mutual friend like this - she always wants to be different, always wants to order something different, do something different. I know everyone has their own preferences but it comes across as wanting to look cool and really it just makes everyone raise their eyebrows.

Sorry your husband and his family seem very unreasonable and I would be annoyed! It's perfectly reasonable to ask to see the menu and order what you want.

The 3 examples you have given . Has resulted in everyone else waiting around for you. So I assume this is a habit? and yes I would consider this behaviour rude.

I wouldn't say attention seeking but if I knew the family wanted to go somewhere I wouldn't have washed and dried my hair then I'd have done it later
The breakfast and going for a walk is fine, can't understand why it's such an issue. Also the drink was fine. I wouldn't have wanted a pineapple mocktail either. I think it was okay you had to order your own but DH should have waited for you
The only good thing is at least you know never go on holiday with them again. And consider if you want to be with someone who thinks you should obey his parents and not dare to have your own opinions. I've never heard anyone say having an opinion about what you eat or drink is attention seeking.

So OP being an individual with her own tastes and preferences, and even (shock!) her own mind should be quashed by the need for conformity?
Perhaps the family's next trip should be to North Korea