Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Why on earth are you on holiday with them? I don't like the sound of your husband much.

It would have been nice if you tried a local dish with everyone else, but I certainly wouldn't be annoyed at anyone who wanted to pick something they preferred. If you did it every time (which it kind of sounds like), I'd probably think it was a bit boring you never wanted to join in with the group, but again I wouldn't feel annoyed because you're an adult and entitled to make your own decisions.

So I'm on the fence about everything except the coffee.

If you knew everyone was ready to leave I wouldn't be holding everyone up because I wanted to leisurely drink a coffee. Should have asked your DP to get you a coffee to go while you quickly dried your hair, or else make your own separate plans. Not agree to things and be the one holding everyone else up.

Exactly this - "a conscious snub to their idea/taste". Puts it a lot better than I did.
I find it hard to see why people can't see it like this.

PIL are paying for the holiday so like to control every aspect about it.

I can see your post next year @PooStep

DH’s whole family are invited on holiday by his parents. They are paying for everything, yet we are not invited. Are my IL’s unreasonable?

You will think they are!

You didn't need to go on this free holiday. Best you don't as clearly you don't want to be there and have an unfortunate way of missing social cues which comes across as extremely rude.

I had a free holiday with my own parents, 6 weeks abroad. It wasn't perfect but it was generous and kind of them to share their time and holiday experiences with me. Yes, we didn't always want to go to their favourite cafe, but mainly we did.

I'm sure as the holiday progresses everyone will relax. But a really bad start!

God, they all sound pretty awful to me!

I wouldn't be bothered about them carrying on and eating their 'special' breakfast item - but the restaurant really should have bought out all the food together.

It sounds like they are in the first class nit pickers and snippy comments brigade. And very controlling at that. You are an adult and can make up your own mind what you want to eat, and you can go outside between 2 - 4 if you wish to do so.

Tell them you are not 2 years old and are quite capable of deciding things for yourself. And while you are at it, give them a lesson in common courtesy and how to communicate when organising a trip out.

And I wouldn't go away with this lot ever again!

If they want to go on an excursion, it's reasonable for them to set a time for this.

If OP doesn't want to go on said excursion which involves getting up and being ready early, fair dos. Say so. Don't say you'll go and then fanny about with your hair on the day holding the entire group up.

I think this is you misreading the social cues here. They're not asking you to breakfast, they're asking you to go and try the churros. And they didn't ask you if you wanted any old mocktail, they asked you if you wanted a specific one. Yes it's a bit odd, but you're on a holiday they paid for as their guest, so in those circumstances, you do what the host wants, not what you want to do.

Do you realise how crazy and controlling ths is?

You’d genuinely be incredibly pissed off because a grown adult wants to have a quick look at a menu.

I feel sorry for you. Must not be a nice life for you to get so pissed off at people who want to choose their own food.

Oh wow your DH really doesn't like you does he?

Im getting Meet The Fockers vibes here 🤣 family of uptight oddballs and you're the normal one.

I can imagine OP going to dinner at their house then bringing out her own packed lunch at the table 😁

Why should she eat something she doesn't want, just to 'enjoy the experience', aka pandering to the control freaks

And quite simply don't pull out your change of mind at the last minute, just when they think you're prepared to join them for once, just because "there was a menu". That realy makes it look like she is being deliberately difficult.

I note that your PIL are paying for the holiday. Some people use money to control situations sadly. Years ago when our DC were very small we were invited to join PIL, SIL and BIL and their DC on a holiday, PIL paying for everyone. The destination and accommodation was not small child friendly and not somewhere we would have chosen but PIL really wanted us all to go, we didn't feel able to decline as it would have caused huge offence. A week before we left we were presented with a day by day itinerary for the entire trip that PIL and SIL had worked out without consulting us. It was a VERY packed itinerary with lots of long days and late nights, absolutely not written with our toddler DC in mind at all. I said something like "this looks great, thank you for doing that. We might have to play some of these things by ere as DC can get a bit overtired. I'm sure most of this will be fine though and if there's anything we do need to dip out of, you all please feel free to go ahead with your plans". Oh my days, the drama that ensued! Apparently, by suggesting that my 2 year old may need a nap or to go to bed before 10pm at some point over the 2 weeks I was "insulting" PIL and SIL and "making it clear that I don't see myself as part of the family". The difference in our situations though, OP is that my DH fully agrees his family are insane, hence why we have never gone away with them again! You have a DH problem.

On the face of it, ordering something different from the menu should not be any problem. The fact that it was suggests to me that OP's "quick look" s are perhaps anything but, and involve a lengthy scrutiny of every line on the menu and much faffing and indecision. Ditto the hair, they knew she'd take ages. That would get irritating very quickly.

I think you maybe need to try and read the room a bit more OP, in the interests of family harmony. They shouldn't expect you to always do what they do, but trying not to delay proceedings too much might go a long way.

How attention seeking of you to ask to see the menu in a restaurant!

is he normally a dick? Are you a spare part on this trip or is it your holiday too?

I wouldn’t be going away with them again. How dare you ask to choose your own food!

This holiday sounds awful. I wouldn’t like a pineapple mocktail at all.

Your in-laws don’t seem bothered about wasting half the day sat inside during a good part of the afternoon (I wouldn’t want to do this either) just when you want to get ready it seems.

This is why I never go on holiday with extended family or friends!

She was perfectly happy to have it until she saw "there was a menu".

If she didn't want it she could have told them at any point when they were all talking about going and getting it. She could have gone somewhere else by herself if she liked. instead she went along with it right up to the last minute then said "oh, actually...."

Only read OP's posts.

It all sounds awful. Really tense (maybe they need a holiday?!).

It sounds like anything that isn't completely in step with them is regarded as attention seeking.

If someone asked me to go out for a specific food that I knew I'd eat, I'd say yes. If I got there and they had a wider choice and I could choose something I actually preferred and would enjoy, I wouldn't give it a second thought to order it? I'm not asking other people to change their choice and unless they've cooked it for me, I'd be very hard pushed to understand why they were offended.

Genuinely confused by people who think ordering a meal of your choice is rude and I spend a lot of time worrying I've offended people 😂.

They sound very unpleasant and controlling, and your DH sounds like a big wet flannel who is desperate not to upset them.

And eaten something you don't want?

Omg your last post was the missing information. If you have people ready waiting to go out you don’t dry your hair and have a coffee! I’d definitely say you were the issue and the reason they were agitated about the breakfast is because you make everything longer than it needs to be. That’s completely okay when not on holiday with other people. Maybe next time just book a getaway for you and your DH so you can do what you want to do when you want to do it.

The more you post, the more I’d struggle to tolerate you too! You’re either trying to piss them off, or you simply can’t read a room.
I’d love to get the in-laws version of events!

I've spent many hours on holidays traipsing from one restaurant to another, looking at the menu by the door, maybe even sitting down - no, not good enough, let's go somewhere else.

If there's a history of that sort of thing, then I can imagine that feeling of "oh shit, here we go again".