Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

what??!! It was Cafe Rouge not some special mussels restaurant - they just happened to like the mussels there. FIL assumed that everyone would go along with his menu choice. I never said I wanted mussels and when I got there chose something else. How on earth is that rude??

Why on earth would you go on holiday with a man who clearly doesn’t like you and his family who clearly doesn’t like you?!?

Why are you even with this man??

See, this would annoy me to be fair...your DH told you they wanted to leave early, why would you choose to wash your hair at that moment, and then not dry it before you came downstairs?

And once you saw everyone was ready to go out and already waiting for you, why would you still think you had time for a coffee?

If my DH had done this, I'd think he was being difficult on purpose because he had the hump about something.

But that’s not at all the same. OP ordered something that wasn’t even ready until 15 mins after everyone else finished eating, and then there’s the time it takes for her to eat it. Would you expect everyone you went out with to sit around for an extra 40 mins on the first morning of holiday or would you order something more in keeping with the timescales of everyone else. It’s not the different item that’s the issue. It’s the fannying about with the menu, the time wasted for everyone waiting for one person, and OP complaining they didn’t all wait for her when she was the issue. If everyone else is having a full English and you choose something quicker to make or similar then that’s fine but if everyone else was having a croissant and you chose a full english then you are making everyone else wait ages just for you.

If my partner decided on a whim that we were leaving the house early that morning and only told me about it when I woke up-with no prior warning and no opportunity to compromise then she can wait until I’m ready to go.

I think the OP sounds great, I find people that herd around like sheep extremely boring, I’d much rather bob along with someone who knows their own mind, happy to do their own thing. The most boring times are when you’re with a group of people who all have to go everywhere together and do the same things, absolute insanity wasting the majority of a precious holiday bowing down to others wishes. No thank you. It’s ok if there’s give and take, eg I would go with DH to a concert I’m not particularly interested in, knowing he would come with me (generally would prefer going on own though). But it all sounds like in laws want everything on their terms. Quite frankly I would have been drying my hair as slow as possible,

My DH has form for doing stuff like this. Agreeing to a light breakfast or snack and then when we get there ordering something heavy.

It’s really bloody annoying because 1) it increases the amount of time I expected to be at a place ten fold and 2) it throws off everything for the day. He’s not hungry when I am, I want a snack when he doesn’t. There’s so many times he can order a huge meal but he always decides to do it after we’ve agreed on a light one.

That being said I couldn’t cope with this amount of structure on a holiday. I like to go off and do my own thing. I certainly couldn’t spend that amount of time with my in laws. The indoor time should be free time. When do you get to spend one-on-one time with DH?!

You do sound like you’re being difficult OP, but I also think your personalities are just too different. I wouldn’t be going on holiday with them again.

And presumably you'd say "ah I'm not really a fan of chicken so I'll have a look at the menu when we get there" not "oh the chicken sounds lovely I'm up for that"?

But your DH also told you "they’ll be setting off early". Why didn't you ask what time they were all planning on leaving before you jumped in the shower? You could also have asked your DH to bring you a coffee while you were drying your hair (quickly!). I'm starting to have a little less sympathy for your now OP - it does seem that these family holidays are a case of "my way or the highway" for your PIL because they're paying for them, so some co-operation on your part would be better to keep the peace (although, not being able to go out for a walk between 2 and 4pm because everyone else is staying in is weirdly controlling and unreasonable of them).

No they were going there so everyone could have the mussels - they had had them before. If she'd said "Actually I don't like mussels" they might have said "Oh, righto, there's this other place we can go". At least say when its suggested, don't follow along, knowing they expect everyone to try this special dish, then announce at the last moment you never wanted it. People like introducing other people to nice things. Refusing to try them is rude, unless its something you know you don't like, in which case say when it's suggested.

My old DM would describe you as a contrary Mary. You know exactly what you’re doing when you do it. Maybe you have good reason, maybe not. If a group of people are genuinely excited for something and just one has to say hmmm not sure I’ll take a look at other things, it’s almost like a conscious snub to their idea / taste. I can so imagine the scenarios and I wonder if you’re deliberately trying to put a dampener on activities

I’m on the fence with this one. On the one hand - absolutely - order what you like. But there are times when this can change the experience for everyone else. One of my kids has a bit of form for this. We will go to a cafe and decide to grab a quick sandwich; said child will always want a burger, or something which needs cooking and therefore takes twice as long. No reason why she shouldn’t prefer a hot meal, but there are times when I’ll say “look - just order a sandwich like everyone else then we don’t have to be here for an hour”. And the whole “looking at the menu” takes time and means people have to wait longer. It’s a different scenario from someone ordering “six coffees” and your saying “oh, make make mine a peppermint tea, please”. I bet this was the same with the mocktails, to be honest. If your reply to “would you like me to get you one?” was “ooh - a strawberry one, please”, I doubt that’d have been an issue. I think it’s the indecision (or lack of instant decision) that’s the issue here rather than your wanting something else per se?

Mmmm. Whilst on one hand I see OP's point that she should be able to eat/drink what she wants, looking at all her updates together, it's very clear that she's one of those people who refuse to go with the flow. They always have to keep people waiting, to have something different, to make a bit of a drama. And, yes, it's attention seeking and exhausting.

I think this is as much on him as it is on OP.

He surely must have known she was a pathological contrarian/individual before he married her, and moreover that his own family were hive mind types who brook no opposition to their best-laid plans.

Was he expecting some kind of personality transplant after he put a ring on it?

Honestly? I think you’ve reached a point where you have to refuse to go on holiday with your PILs even (or especially) if they are paying. None of you are having all that much fun.

I am naturally rather slow to get going in the morning so if someone tells me that they want to set off early I’ll say does that mean 8am or 10am? An “I don’t know, when everyone’s ready” is actually quite stressful when you aren’t in step with the rest of the group.

If you knew he was assuming it, why on earth didn't you say when it was suggested you go there? Why wait?

There's nothing wrong with choosing different. But I wouldn't have expected everyone to wait 15 minutes with food in front of them going cold either.

That said, it doesn't sound as if holidaying with your blokes family is for you. Corner your bloke when you get time together and tell him to knock it the fuck off with this attention seeking thing or he'll be going on his own from now on while you have a think about staying married to him.

For now I'd send them all off to do their own thing and just chill with a book.

Sorry, OP, initially I thought your family were being unreasonable but the three examples you've given now, I think it's actually you being difficult.
The breakfast issue; you said you wanted to try it, and yes i get your point that you wanted to try something else but agree with other PPs that you could have tried something else another time.
The drink; again, yeah, they could have waited, but you could have just sucked it up and had the same drink. Your FILs reaction tells me you do this often though, I expect your DH has spoken to his parents and sister about this often.
The morning out - your DH said you'd be leaving early. This is totally on you.

Exactly “they’ll be setting off early” at what point was OP asked was that a good time for her? Why does she have to do what the others want to their timetable? I’d be drying my hair one strand at a time if they were that controlling.

Its not you it's them. Strange people all getting the arse because you aren't copying them, like children, weirdos 🤣

I think the hair-washing example is the worst yet. It shows a lack of basic common sense on OP's part in addition to contrariness.

If you knew people were planning to set off early, wouldn't you ask for a specific time if you planned to wash and dry your hair in the morning, to avoid holding the entire group up?

I feel sorry for you on holiday with them. They sound like children or pack animals. God help you if you have your own different opinion than them.

But you KNEW you were going to a specific place that morning. So why were you fannying about?

That was my thought too, and yes, you were being awkward to have something that has to be cooked when everyone else was having the pastry and coffee.

They are doing “let’s try this stuff together,” as a sharing experience.

You are doing “I don’t want what all of you want, I want to make individual choices.”

Neither approach is wrong. They are just incompatible. You think they are controlling, they think you’re being deliberately difficult.

Don’t accept a free holiday if you don’t want to take part.

I don’t like holidays to be dictated by someone else, so whether you’re right or wrong I think you'd be better off not having holidays overseen by your in-laws.