Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

[IWantAShitzu]

We are regular inpatients at our local children’s hospital due to my sons rare condition (over 60 nights spent in 6 months)

usually we end up in the same ward, which is great as the staff all know him very well and he gets great care, we usually have a side room closer to the nurses station as he can be quite high risk so they like him being near them.

most recent admission the hospital was packed and there was no space on our normal ward so we were sent to a different one, and put in a four bed room - absolutely fine these things can’t be helped.

usually when our stays are longer I stay with our boy during the week while my husband works and sorts out our other three children, and then we swap out at the weekend.

when we were on this different ward, there were no privacy curtains. I was told they had been taken down for cleaning and got damaged, there weren’t any replacements available apparently.

Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable it wasn’t too bad although I felt quite exposed sleeping in such an open space with strangers but we all got along well and it was fine.

my question is - would you have felt comfortable if you were on this open ward and I had swapped out with my husband on the weekend as we normally do? I decided to stay, as I didn’t want my husband and the other mums feeling awkward, but I was annoyed that we were put in that position, it’s exhausting being in the hospital and I didn’t see my other children for a week.

was I unreasonable to stay instead of my husband?

Maternity wards are different as the patient is the women and I agree men shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight apart from the delivery suite
Children's ward the patient is the child so the focus is on the child and the father should have as much right as any parent ,we do have single father and their children shouldn't be penalised because of another person's feelings
Any aggression of course and they should be removed and that goes for both mothers and fathers.

The hospital should have security to help.remove aggressive visitors,failing that the police.

Anyone being aggressive on a hospital ward should be removed. Male or female.

I wouldn’t care which parent was staying with their child. A parent is a parent at the end of the day and they’re only there for their child to get better.

I would complain re. the curtain removal. Curtains should be replaced as they are coming down. Also in UK disposable ones are usually used.
As to dad's staying overnight as with any parent, not a problem as long as they stay in their own space during the night.

When our now 15 year old was 7 he had to stay in hospital for a few days because of an asthma attack. Hubbie stayed the first night and I went home with our two daughters. Next morning I went back with clean stuff for them and some things for him to do and hubbie said to me "you will have to stay tonight, I've been banned". Why? I asked. Because I started snoring and scared one of the little boys on the ward - he thought it was a dinosaur. I was then promoted to the one who stays when any child has to stay overnight. Now he understands what I have to put up most nights with him! I know, what a martyr I am 😂

What a strange post. Why In earth wouldn’t it be appropriate for a father to stay in hospital with their sick child. Completely bizarre you’d think otherwise.

In my thankfully brief experience of children's wards, the environment is much less judgy than anywhere else as you're all just trying to get through it. I think the collective trauma sort of throws all the rules out the window. I'd be surprised if anyone is judging which family member is there supporting a child.

Wishing you all the best. What a tough hand to be dealt.

The problem was lack of curtains for privacy. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with a strange sleeping in close proximity especially if he snored. I'd probably have stayed awake. I do recognise his right to be with his sick child though.

I am sorry your child has these problems.

I am puzzled as to why you have a problem with men on the ward.

When I was 13 I was in a children's ward for about three months. I'd have hated having to sleep with random men in the room. The little girl opposite me had her mum there 24/7 and that was fine.

I think anyone taking offence to a Dad staying in hospital with his unwell child would be outrageous!

YABU to have not swapped! (Lighthearted and wishing your little one all the best)

Agree with everyone that fathers can and should stay with their children if that's what works for their family. For us, DH is a better communicator than me, so he's usually the one who stays in hospital when necessary. Maybe that will change when our daughter hits puberty, but for now that's what works. Obviously he's respectful of everyone else on the bay, as they are to him.

If snoring is an issue then other parents can be grateful that it's him there and not me...

The only time this bothered me was when my daughter was in hospital and I was staying overnight. The dad of another child stayed overnight and snored so loudly, it kept me up. No biggie really, my husband is a snorer and I know it can’t be helped (we don’t share a room for that reason). Mum came in next day and proclaimed loudly to a nurse “yeah, he stayed overnight so I could be well rested to come in today, I wouldn’t sleep a wink if I were in here” My daughter (who also hadn’t slept) said to me, in that loud voice kids do “yeah but we might have slept if he wasn’t here snoring so loud” 😳

I wouldn’t let my husband stay in an open ward overnight because it just isn’t fair on everyone, but that’s nothing to do with him being a bloke.

I can see that being really awkward.

I don't even know at what age they separate girls and boys wards. I've only stayed with a toddler which was mixed.

Do parents still stay with children 12+?

It's the lack of privacy. I bet they haven't bothered to replace the curtains as it makes the nurses jobs harder.

They can't see what's happening, particularly with children who are alone if people pull curtains shut.

Not every child has a parent who is able to stay with them.

One of the times my LO was in their was small child maybe about 10mths who's Mum was clearly working she was appearing really early morning for 10mins then coming back in for a bit of time in the evening.

I'll thank my lucky stars that I wasn't in that position.

They allowed me to stay for six night ,s with my then critically ill 16 year old it was an adult ICU,too.I guess it depends on the person and why they were in ,but I couldn't have left him
Once we knew he we. Going to.get better I went home but not in the early dsys.

I am a children's nurse, we have dad's stay over all the time, especially in families where the children have frequent admissions and you have to tag in and out to keep some normality. I have never had an issue with parents being concerned about sharing with other parents of opposite gender, even families from strict orthodox religious backgrounds have managed, we are a high dependency unit and policy is to keep curtains open and patients visible at all times except for personal care. I'd be more concerned about patient dignity in older patients than parents. But we also have nurses present at all times so parents are 'chaperoned' in a way.

I am surprised about the lack of curtains as they are there for infection as much as dignity. I'm shocked that hasn't been resolved urgently, or even that it's happened at all...

I don't think they do that until they are adults. My son was on 3 different wards during his stay (plus PICU) and it was mixed with all of the wards and even in the PICU bay once he was well enough to be moved from a side room.

One ward had 3 separate bays and they tried to have 1 for babies/toddlers, 1 for girls and 1 for boys but it didn't always work out that way for various reasons.

That ward did also have a separate ward for teenagers but my son was 8 at the time so I didn't experience it, though I imagine they will have tried the separate boy and girl bays too when possible.

The other wards were smaller and all open rather than separate bays so doing it like that wasn't possible.

The only time we weren't able to stay with him was PICU. No parents were allowed to stay. On the wards, one parent always stayed from babies to teenagers.

Of course dads should be allowed stay.

I wouldn’t care whether it is a dad or a mum staying with other children on a children’s ward.

I say that as someone who absolutely did care about potential fathers staying overnight on a postnatal ward when I had my last child. As it happened, COVID struck at the perfect time and I had the post natal ward to myself, but I was prepared to discharge myself immediately after a c section in order to avoid a postnatal stay with men. Postnatal women are vulnerable physically and emotionally. The vulnerabilities on a children’s ward are different, and mostly mitigated by the presence of one parent per child.

I'd be ok with it, next time think of your own health and swap with your husband. ❤️

In our local hospital they have teenagers in with babies so could be any age

You should have swapped with your husband. I assume he knows how to behave around other people.

I think that parents of either sex have the right to be with their sick children, and that trumps anything else at such a difficult time. The dads will not be there to drool over exhausted mums dozing on chair beds.

I'm sorry you lovely child is so sick.