Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

[IWantAShitzu]

We are regular inpatients at our local children’s hospital due to my sons rare condition (over 60 nights spent in 6 months)

usually we end up in the same ward, which is great as the staff all know him very well and he gets great care, we usually have a side room closer to the nurses station as he can be quite high risk so they like him being near them.

most recent admission the hospital was packed and there was no space on our normal ward so we were sent to a different one, and put in a four bed room - absolutely fine these things can’t be helped.

usually when our stays are longer I stay with our boy during the week while my husband works and sorts out our other three children, and then we swap out at the weekend.

when we were on this different ward, there were no privacy curtains. I was told they had been taken down for cleaning and got damaged, there weren’t any replacements available apparently.

Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable it wasn’t too bad although I felt quite exposed sleeping in such an open space with strangers but we all got along well and it was fine.

my question is - would you have felt comfortable if you were on this open ward and I had swapped out with my husband on the weekend as we normally do? I decided to stay, as I didn’t want my husband and the other mums feeling awkward, but I was annoyed that we were put in that position, it’s exhausting being in the hospital and I didn’t see my other children for a week.

was I unreasonable to stay instead of my husband?

I would sleep in a room full of lions if my childs life was at risk and it meant they got better care.

The NHS hasnt got a pot to piss in so if it means we lose a little bit of modesty to a man absolutely crippled with worry about his own child then so be it. This is not a man dressed up as a woman trying to take a piss or get changed in a female changing room, this is a man caring for his sick child who is ill enough to be in a childrens hospital overnight.

This is kinda an insane question.

It presupposes that caring for a poorly child, being there for them in hospital, is women's work and not for fathers.

It's really damaging, harms mothers and fathers and children in different ways.

Honestly, please really dig deep and try rethink about where this has come from and challenge it. To even stop to wonder whether it's okay for a dad to be with his child in hospital is really sad and quite concerning.

I hated sleeping in the same room as random people, I found it uncomfortable even when it was just women. The thought of nurses coming in during the night for obs/meds whilst I was sleeping too, hated it.

I got used to it after a while but it was definitely one of the best things about getting home. It's funny what you take for granted, I craved normalcy so bad.

I don’t think it was an insane question, I was genuinely curious to see if perhaps I was worrying too much. The general consensus is that I was and it’s made me decide that if this happens again, then my husband will be swapping out as we usually do.

There is honestly nothing to dig here - no past traumas etc.

I felt uncomfortable sleeping near and being exposed to women I don’t know - so my thought process was that maybe they felt the same, and it would make them more uncomfortable had my husband been there.

I also considered how he would feel sleeping near random women he doesn’t know. He says he wouldn’t have been comfortable but from a male point of view it was that men get a bad rep and he feels that mothers seem more important to fathers - see a previous comment where I stated that professionals tend to address me rather than him in meetings.

This comes from a father who is very hands on, fully supportive and advocates for our family.

I just wanted to avoid a tricky situation for all involved and that meant I spent two more nights at the hospital than I would have usually.

Also tough shit / get over it for other patients, particularly teenaged girls?

They would also be with their parent
again some father's are single parents are their children supposed to suffer because they don't have a mum.or their mum.is not around ?
They won't be placing teenage girls alone in bays with a lone male will they ?

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime
Well what would you propose as a solution 🤔?

Something like 1 in 20 will be bereaved of one or both parents by the age of 16.
Then consider the percentage of parents who aren't together.
And the multitude of other reasons why a Mum can't be there with her teenage girl.

But you certainly can't have a situation were one girl is allowed her parent to stay over but another girl isn't.

Or the other way around a teen boy has his Dad but the boy in the next bed who doesn't have a Dad isn't allowed his mum.

You either ban all parents staying over in teen wards or you accept the parents won't always be the same sex as the children.

@IWantAShitzu
I'm really sorry you are faced with your LO being so ill.
You both sound really lovely considerate people but you have to do what's right for your family.

You both have enough to cope with, without worrying about random others.

If they also want a parent there? Unfortunately, yes. They can't dictate which parent other children have there.

Being a parent of a child with severe life limiting disabilities, overnight flights aren’t on my radar any time soon.

I would propose no teenage girl has to sleep in a room with a random male.

Weren't you the one saying it should be about the children and not the parents? Unless the child is a teenage girl and then she can stfu

Girls should be able to dictate that they won't sleep with a random man there.

In a hospital where space is limited, side rooms are limited/for infection risks and with other children to also consider, it just isn't possible.

They will be able to have their own parent with them.

Of course it's possible. And no, not every child can have a parent with them.

Most can.

How is it possible? What would your suggestion be?

I think Dad’s should be encouraged to take their turn staying with their children, so no I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. It’s not really acceptable that there were no privacy curtains though. Everyone needs privacy, even if it were a single sex space.

They won't be putting a young girl in her own in a bay with a man .

This thread seems to have tempted fate , my grandson was blue lighted in this morning 😞

Tbf,my experience has been quite good my youngest son had a couple of hospital admissions when he was younger he's severely autistic,and has some extremely challenging behaviour ,he has chronic constipation and had to be admitted for disimpaction,the staff always tried to find a side room if available due to his needs
My oldest son was admitted to an adult Critical care unit two years ago he was 16 and still at school! In year 11_the staff were brilliant and put him in a side room due to his age and also allowed me to stay with him for six nights
So ime, at least I the staff did try to work round issues.

Oh no.it's awful.my son was blue lighted a couple of years ago it was terrifying but he recovered well sending positive thoughts your Grandson will too.

Thank you, I'm so worried he's at our local hospital but is under GOSH , he was born with a heart condition that the local hospital, where he was born, had never seen before.

All.I can say he's in the best place ,but I do know how worrying it is .

No they shouldn’t be able to dictate anything, their needs don’t trump all. Patients sleep day and night. My daughter was ill for many years and spent many long admissions on paeds, she needed her dad and I couldn’t be there all the time as I was trying to keep my job.

My son was in hospital for 10 months. PICU and 3 different wards, thankfully discharged since January.

The only time he had a side room on the wards was when he had infections or suspected infections and had to isolate. In PICU, parents weren't allowed to stay overnight at all.

The staff were amazing, don't get me wrong but space and options were always limited on each of the wards he was on.