Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

[Wonderwallafterall]

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

Someone else in the group who was out in a different venue asked whether that bar was busy or not and was told it was standing only. I jokingly said ‘If I was you then I’d just use X’s (teachers) face as your seat, don’t tell me none of you have never imagined it either’.

The other parents comment was along the lines of get him drunk and bundle him in a taxi to your bedroom 😬

I think they won't be able to do anything unless you've said something excessively 'colourful' and I doubt it's been a crime. But obviously we don't know what you said.

I do think the other poster hit the nail on the head when they said that if a group of men were commenting like this on a female staff member it would be creepy as hell. It's super disrespectful and while reporting likely won't go anywhere I don't judge the other mum for doing it either.

Ah, but some parents - and clearly the one reporting the OP is one of them - think that headteachers are responsible for dealing with what everyone in the world does!

it sounds like a wise approach.

I think these comments are a bit gross but yes we sometimes do them without thinking, especially when drunk. I myself did a stupid drunken comment recently. It wasn’t a personal comment more like a stupid one but I felt really bad the next day.
So I would make a note for myself to be careful with comments and maybe rethink my alcohol consumption. And if you were invited to school about it I would say sorry that it was a really bad joke and out of character for you.

However I wouldn’t forget this. It was a private group and this mum could have challenged you or even leave the group. Reporting you to the school in this situation was very wrong.

How risque was it OP ... I'm intrigued.

The other mum has just alienated herself from the whole year group ....

You need to search for the other three-thread saga - that OP wanted teacher to lose his job for a similar comment.

What is it with these uptight mum group chats. I’m on one and although I’m sure the mothers are all lovely, there’s definitely competition over who’s doing all the ‘correct’ mum/school stuff…there’s definitely no room for any humour. Don’t even get me started on the constant PTA raffles…

I don't think this OP is making it up

While nothing annoys me more than schools attempting to police whatsapp groups.... in this case, I do think you've behaved quite badly. It's one thing to make a comment like that directly to a friend or in a private chat, but any sort of whatsapp group where you do not personally know (well) every member, needs a more measured and conservative approach. In the caes of a school chat, even more so.

It's advisable not to use the class WhatsApp as a personal group chat. It's not illegal, and the school can't really do anything, but it's pretty embarrassing to be drunkenly leering over a teacher with acquaintances.

Either set up chat with the mums you consider friends or message your mate directly next time.

Lol it was funny OP and the other Mum is an uptight arsehole

Had a young, handsome teacher in my secondary school department some years back. A mum sent him a friend request...her profile pic was of her in a negligee. At her parents' evening slot, she'd made a point of dropping into the conversation the fact that she was a divorcee.

The poor lad came up to me at parents' evening, ashen-faced. I just told him to show the request to the depute (in charge of NQTs) and to block. However, he was indeed subjected to merciless winding up the next day.

This is worse than I had imagined - it’s one thing to say it to a close friend, but a group of class parents is a different matter altogether.

She reported you for saying that?😂
I wouldnt worry, the school won't do anything.

It was batshit but also bullshit.

It’s not great to be responding to comments about sitting on a teachers face. I wouldn’t want to be at work and having to deal with people who had written or responded positively to that. He’s just trying to do his job, he shouldn’t have to manage parents writing messages about him!

We teach our children never to text anyone anything that you wouldn’t want other people to read and that’s what’s happened here.

Morto 😂

I’ve noted in the past your role in education Vicky and take on board your comment, however what is expected of head teachers is quite often beyond the bounds of reason. Had this been reported to me, I’d have shrugged it off as I did other ridiculous assumptions upon my time.

What the hell. It's just as creepy both ways.

Jesus....and these are the same parents who are teaching their own children about the risks of posting on social media.

Call me a prude but I would never discuss professionals involved in my child's life in that way in an online group forum.

If the teacher gets wind of all this they'll be really embarrassed.

Lesson learnt.

It seems to be fair game with male teachers, it isn't right, you went too far.

The principal in DS old school was very attractive, many of the DM's thought so, but I wouldn't share my thoughts on a class WhatsApp group.

I doubt that the school will take action, but the pp who remarked upon the difference if a man had made a similar comment to a woman was quite right.

In fact, it's made me re-think my response to the NQT in the incident that I mentioned above.

Was the woman in question my DP’s mother? Because she was exactly that sort of woman 🤢 that poor teacher 😂 he’d have been eaten alive!

No, they won't...but it'll definitely be discussed in the staffroom.

It’s inappropriate. It says a lot that you have quoted others, but been extremely vague about what you said. I can see why the mum might not be happy - she isnt your friend it’s a class WhatsApp group. Can you imagine if this was dads commenting on a female teacher in a ‘colourful’ manner? I can’t imagine you’d be pleased.

Probably not something the school will be interested in but it's pretty unsavoury.