Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

[Wonderwallafterall]

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

Oh dear - you're replying to the wrong poster. What I said was I wouldn't exclude the child but I'd want nothing to do with the OP.

‘If I was you then I’d just use X’s (teachers) face as your seat, don’t tell me none of you have never imagined it either’.

is that really the kind of banter you want your kids to be around? Banter about their teacher and one of the mother no less.

It's not an inappropriate jokes with friends, we all have adult conversations but in private and with friends, or family. It's completely inappropriate on a group chat with strangers.

Since when not inviting someone is being a bully? Posters are really clutching at straws to defend this (and again, I think reporting to the school is stupid, but it doesn't make the comment more acceptable). Time and a place!

They have more than enough invitations from parents who don't disagree with me obviously, but thank you so much for your concern.

Learning that you don't have to throw a tamper tantrum everytime someone doesn't agree with you is a good life lesson too.

But your last post accusing a poster of Bullying a child and deliberately excluding them because you don't like something their parent said is nasty, cruel, bitchy and judgemental
was directed at me. I said I wouldn't exclude the child. I wouldn't socialise with the OP.

Who is throwing a temper tantrum? Hopefully its not your child when they get excluded when word spreads how you have treated other children and they tell their parents they don't want yours at their party or don't want to play with them.

OP did something that is out of the accepted social norms - yes, it's not something that's a matter of life or dead, but that doesn't mean we can't have adult conversations about what's acceptable behaviour online and offline, and whether a school-based platform for mothers is the appropriate place share one's sexual fantasies about one's kids' teacher.

I also don't think anyone has monopoly on defining what a good sense of humour is / what is funny, or impose their own sense of humour on everybody else - then berate those who don't share it for being "uptight". Great that you think crass, vulgar, drunken behaviour is hilarious...many of us don't. Doesn't mean we are uptight or don't know what humour is.

For what it's worth, I also think it's a bit strange to report OP to the school...as others have said, what are they going to do? But I do think the mum was in her right to leave the group if she found the conversations too smutty, and didn't feel like the group was used for its intended purpose.

Also, I think we can all - some more than others - benefit from analysing our own behaviour once in a while, and ask ourselves if we put the best version of ourselves forward with the things we say and do in front of other people.

What’s the upshot then of being reported?

it’s end of school day now so did you hear anything yet OP?

Yanbu. She needs to just ignore and move on…

What the school should do is "officially" ban school whatsapp groups.

They know perfectly well they will still exist, but they make it clear it has nothing to do with them and they leave parents managing their own drama 😂

She's helping Hertfordshire Police with their enquiries.

As a member of SLT at a school who spends a significant % of her life trying to support children being targeted and harassed online I can assure you we are interested in learning about parents engaging in such behaviour.

I think it is and I'm sticking with it

would you think it funny if a bunch of men were saying they would like to shove it in your hole? Ideally when you’re drunk?

Completely agree. I'm disgusted that so many people on here think it's 'hilarious'. And then moan that those of us who don't are 'uptight'.

I would hope that anyone, anywhere, takes respecting other people seriously.

100% this.

Thanks for sharing. Aounds like this was taken seriously, as it should be - and dealt with seriously, as it should be. The poor PE teacher. And the poor child of that mother. How mortifying.

If anyone is unhinged, it's those who think that joking about sexual assault is funny. I hate this sort of gaslighting.

I'd hope so too. I'm glad there are people around to stick up for others in situations like this. If a group of parents were making jokes about sexually assaulting me, I'd sure as hell want this to he reported.

What if your son or daughter is the subject of text messages one day? A group of people who, behind his/her back, make jokes about wanting to sexaully assault them? Would you not care? Would you find it 'hilarious'? Or would you be grateful to the one person who identifies how wrong this is, and is brave enough to do something about it?

Most schools would find a group of parents joking about wanting to secually assault a staff member a pretty important issue. Mine would, anyway.

Obviously, it's a time-drain and rakes away from all the other pressing matters... but that's on the OP.

Well actually, if I did work in a supermarket (which I once did), and it was discovered/reported that I was the subject of jokes about sexually abusing me on a customer whatsapp group, of course I'd those making such abhorrent comments to be banned from the store. That should be obvious.

But making jokes about sexual assaulting their teacher ... is fine (according to many posters)?

I mean, if the whatsapp convo gets back to the teacher, and it will, how is he supposed to feel when in the presence of those mums? I guess he's supposed to feel all macho about it and walk by with his chest puffed out because all the sloppy drunken wannabe milfs think he's hot af. What a stupid feckin' double standard. 🤦‍♀️

If it continued parents can and are banned from school sites.