Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

[Wonderwallafterall]

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

our school recently sent round a new “parental code of conduct” - it went on for pages and basically says that they can kick your kids out of school if parents say anything the school doesn’t like. It says for example that we are banned from saying anything negative or inappropriate about the school or the teachers on social media, and they include WhatsApp and private FB groups in this. And MN counts too in the ban from what I can work out.

Apparently the reason is that schools have had legal advice that they might be liable if teachers are harassed by parents online, so they are doing this to show they’ve done everything possible to protect them.

While this male teacher may not be personally bothered, if OP’s school is anything like ours then the school might decide they have to act anyway. For one thing they might risk discrimination cases if they act to protect women but not men (or went after fathers saying inappropriate things but not mothers).

Don't worry about it OP. There are lots of sanctimonious weirdos in the world who seem to think their mission in life is to "report" others - they haven't moved on from their school days.

I'm sure the school has much more important issues to worry about.

It would never occur to me either. I'd avoid the OP.

I would be inclined to wave at her in the playground and shout ‘Hi Julia!! Then do that awful gesture whereby you stick your tongue through your two fingers and waggle it. I know that’s incredibly immature and no doubt many on here will be aghast but it would let her know that you know it was her that reported you.

I have to say if one of the Mum’s said this on the group chat and then it was reported to the school, I would die laughing. I feel for you OP, it was definitely the wrong audience, but my god it must have been funny.

It's not appropriate for a school WhatsApp. You talked about riding his face. Then getting him drunk and sexually assaulting him.

Jokes with close friends who know you're joking and it won't get back to the teacher. Fine. Your remark could whether someone reported you or not. I was a teacher and friends/acquaintances with a couple of the other teachers/the head/and knew some of the parents vaguely. If someone was joking about me like that on a WhatsApp, I'd hope someone would say it's not on. I hope if any of you found your DHs talking like that about anyone with the 'lads', you'd at least tell them it's not on.

It's the sort of thing pervy men were commenting to me online that they wanted me to do when I was a teenager in the early-mid noughties. You really said things like "I want to sit on his face" about a guy you liked to your mates? I hope to god the mums didn't make comments like that about some poor teacher 20 years their junior...that comment is beyond just a bit of banter about fancying someone.

Some posters are suggesting that a class WhatsApp group for parents is nothing to do with the school & therefore it’s laughable to report these frankly distasteful comments even when they are about a member of staff.

Are they also going to suggest that the school shouldn’t be informed when the children are found to be making bullying or harassing comments in a class WhatsApp group? Which probably happens more than on the parent groups tbh.

And those that are suggesting that it’s a laugh if it’s mums being lewd but would react differently if it was dads need to have a think about what equality means.

Personally I would probably have called you out on the comment (in a polite way), but it sounds like the mum involved didn’t have the confidence to do that.

Mine would find it hilarious too, especially because I would be fully embarrassed 😂

The school aren’t going to care, but I can guarantee if a mum came on here and said the dads in a parents what’s app group were letching on a female teacher, the responses would be very different to how they are. The parent who left was uncomfortable with the sexual innuendo you and your other friend made to a male member of staff. She thought it was inappropriate enough to left the school know. I think you should be quite rightly embarrassed by your behaviours

She must be boring as anything! If I read a comment on the juicy side I would laugh. Some Mums are crazy.unlikely to do anything at all anyway. HT far more concerned with budget!

@Wonderwallafterall

I very, very rarely comment in our school WhatsApp group. It’s run by the class reps, and the school are aware of what is being posted. Anything even slightly controversial is zapped by the reps.

A few years ago, I was in a meeting with a male student teacher, and it was suggested that he dressed up as a butler in the buff for someone’s birthday. It was an all female meeting apart from him, and he looked really uncomfortable.
Going forward, I’d apologise. I think the school might need to suggest that someone is in charge of the group, and intervene/nip in the bud if things go a bit astray.
As a teacher, I’d be mortified if I was discussed in a sexual way and the whole class was reading what was said.

I work in a school. I can assure this would not be our reaction.

It is inappropriate to make sexual comments about a teacher in that kind of group but I think the person who reported it is a bit ott

Embarrassing, but people will move onto the next drama tomorrow.

In my defence, I was drinking
Why do you think being under the influence is any kind of defence for your actions? What other actions does alcohol relieve you from responsibility from? Killing someone? Raping them? Getting behind the wheel and driving into a crowd?

Drinking is not a "defence" for any shitty and inappropriate behaviour. If you can't handle your drink, you are either drinking too much, or you should at least own it that you can't handle alcohol very well - and then maybe stop drinking?

And what do you mean by "reported again"? Have people reported you more than once?! Why?!

Whether what you did wasn't "so bad" or not is not necessarily the point. The real question is, why are you and the other mums-gone-wild using a parenting/ school WhatsApp group to embarrass yourselves (and your children) by making pervy, creepy comments about your children's teachers? Do you all not get laid enough at home? Are you so sexually frustrated that a good-looking man is a big novelty to you that needs commenting on?

😳😬

That's vile too.

It’s also how a mistake of judgment becomes who you are, not a one-off.

Ok, so after 16 pages of advice , whats the upshot ??

It was embarrassing.

Op shouldn’t have written it, but it’s done; the tattle tale achieved nothing useful by reporting.

Teacher concerned might know, or might not.

If he knows he might feel violated and disgusted or he might be privately flattered he is being bandied about by the lady parents as desirable.

School probably won’t do anything; op has learned a lesson.

Serves as a reminder to all re what’s app folly .

So on the one hand, I laughed out loud (on the train unfortunately) when I read what you'd actually said. But then I thought about how I'd react if it was a group of dads discussing a female teacher and it reminded me of double standards. It would give me the ick. It is deeply inappropriate on a school WhatsApp group (not that I'm in any, so don't know what's 'usual') but wouldn't be out of place with close friends. I can see why the other parent was unimpressed. But you already know that. In future keep school WhatsApp messages clean, or have some self discipline not to message whilst intoxicated.

Thats my feeling too. Its done , move on

You're embarrassed for her?

Well yes, the OP proved that by her responses on here, presumably written when she was sober.

I wouldn’t report you but I consider that a deeply appropriate thing to say in a class WhatsApp and about professional doing his job.

The mum reporting it is an idiot but OP you need to consider your own actions here. They were not ok