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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

477 replies

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 15:13

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

OP posts:
YourLoyalPlumOP · 07/05/2025 21:41

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 15:34

Someone else in the group who was out in a different venue asked whether that bar was busy or not and was told it was standing only. I jokingly said ‘If I was you then I’d just use X’s (teachers) face as your seat, don’t tell me none of you have never imagined it either’.

The other parents comment was along the lines of get him drunk and bundle him in a taxi to your bedroom 😬

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I just admit that is the most cringe worthy comment ever….

i couldn’t ever be seen at the school if I made a comment like that!

Riaanna · 07/05/2025 21:45

HamptonPlace · 07/05/2025 21:35

Will be stigmatised; not justifying the comments made. Purely a defensive approach, to not make more drama…

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What? No. It should be called out. Suppose there’s a woman (very likely) in that group who’s been on the receiving end of that? Not ok.

Shitmonger · 07/05/2025 21:53

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 21:09

Only the four more years to go 😬

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Style it out and change your MN name to FaceSitter. That may end up being your nickname around the school anyway. 😂

LegallyLoopy · 07/05/2025 21:53

Taytayslayslay · 07/05/2025 20:44

Exactly! And men can be victims of Rape too.

Any person, man or woman can be a threat, rapist/ predator. What an embarrassing thing to post in a school related WhatsApp chat.

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Women cannot commit the act of rape.

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 21:58

pikkumyy77 · 07/05/2025 15:23

I agree that this is very inappropriate—and this would be obvious if the sexes were reversed. I don’t think the issue is mumsnet hypicrisy though. Its that it is inappropriate for customers to/parents to comment about a teacher snd sexualize them while they are on or off duty. OP got caught up in a group grooe situation. This should be a good time to remember that these women and this whatsapp group are not friends. You can’t really let your hair down.

This. It's not okay. OP, what did you actually say? Hard to judge how bad it is otherwise. Sounds quite bad though. I'm a teacher and if there was a group of men (ie dads of the kids I teach) (just to reverse the sexes to show how much if an issue it is) commenting inappropriately about me, I'd a) be mortified and b) be furious.

Butchyrestingface · 07/05/2025 21:59

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 21:58

This. It's not okay. OP, what did you actually say? Hard to judge how bad it is otherwise. Sounds quite bad though. I'm a teacher and if there was a group of men (ie dads of the kids I teach) (just to reverse the sexes to show how much if an issue it is) commenting inappropriately about me, I'd a) be mortified and b) be furious.

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What she said has been repeated multiple times, including by the OP.

Why don't you read the OP's posts at least?

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:01

Sorry - just read the whole thread and I see you did actually state what you said.

I'm not surprised someone's reported it. If people said that about me on a WhatsApp group I'd hit the roof.

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:01

Butchyrestingface · 07/05/2025 21:59

What she said has been repeated multiple times, including by the OP.

Why don't you read the OP's posts at least?

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Yeh, thanks, I just did. Awful!

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:02

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/05/2025 19:53

Tbh OP, I think it’s funny and I’d laugh if someone on my group said it, however, I can’t help but feel there is a bit of a double standard going on here. if you were a man and you were talking about a female teacher MN would go wild.l 😂

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This is the problem. And women saying this sort of stuff about men just gives men licence to say it about women. It isn't okay.

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:03

JHound · 07/05/2025 18:07

Yep. I definitely understand leaving the group.

I don’t get why it would be reported to the school though.

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Really?!

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:03

Riaanna · 07/05/2025 21:45

What? No. It should be called out. Suppose there’s a woman (very likely) in that group who’s been on the receiving end of that? Not ok.

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Agreed.

NC28 · 07/05/2025 22:08

Aw OP, not your finest moment I think.

It is what it is, just a poor judgment call that will have you cringing for a long time.

Her who left the group - bit of an overreaction IMO but we all have our boundaries. She’s 100% taken screenshots. Reporting it to the school is embarrassing, they’ll be laughing at her behind closed doors.

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:09

Blondiebeachbabe · 07/05/2025 17:27

Blimey, what a tell tale giant baby!! I absolutely hate goodie two shoes people like this. Honestly, if it was me I would tell her to grow up and unclench. Twat!

Would you say that if you saw a group of men saying the exact same thing about a female teacher? Gross.

I'm really sad about how many people seem to think the 'villaim' here is the person who did the right thing and reported it. As a teacher, I really really hope that's not the attitude shared by the parents of the children I teach. It's certainly not my experience as a parent on group WhatsApp (my kids are in the Junior section of a 3-18 school, but on a different campus, so I see it from a teacher's perspective but also parent' perspective).

Switcher · 07/05/2025 22:10

It's weird how technology seems to give us much less freedom. Twenty years ago you'd have said that on your mum's night out, some jokes would have ensued and that would have been that.

Lassango · 07/05/2025 22:10

The school will not care but you probably made yourself look a bit of a tit in front of the other parents.

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:11

NC28 · 07/05/2025 22:08

Aw OP, not your finest moment I think.

It is what it is, just a poor judgment call that will have you cringing for a long time.

Her who left the group - bit of an overreaction IMO but we all have our boundaries. She’s 100% taken screenshots. Reporting it to the school is embarrassing, they’ll be laughing at her behind closed doors.

Not at my school we wouldn't. I work in a private school and respect of staff is taken very seriously.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/05/2025 22:13

I wouldn't have left or reported you. I'd definitely call you a disgusting perv, I'm not a prude. It is no different from a father making the comment about a female teacher, plus it is trashy as fuck.

Another2Cats · 07/05/2025 22:14

MaturingCheeseball · 07/05/2025 15:55

Oh dear! Mortifying!

It just shows you, you have to be really careful in WhatsApp groups because tell-tales live amongst us.

A friend of mine had a WhatsApp work chat (not official, just workmates) and she and another remarked the boss was useless and he was trying to employ his “fat cow” wife. Someone screenshotted and sent to boss. Friend and her friend were disciplined. Now, not very nice, but remarks that one used to make at the water cooler (or at school gate) are now in black and white.

Frankly, they were lucky that they were just disciplined.

I've seen similar situations where the people involved were managed out of their jobs.

ie the manager set them up to fail and so gently eased them out of their jobs until they were sacked

AnnabelleQuelle · 07/05/2025 22:14

I thought it was going to be a “he’s well fit” type comment. I’m no angel but I’m pretty shocked you said something so crude on a what’s app group with so many people that are just acquaintances and you don’t know their background/opinions.

i know it’s been said already, but imagine if it was the other way around and a Dad said “I’d like to stick my dick in her mouth” about a female teacher.

not sure I’d report it as such, but I would definitely be shocked.

NC28 · 07/05/2025 22:21

surreygirl1987 · 07/05/2025 22:11

Not at my school we wouldn't. I work in a private school and respect of staff is taken very seriously.

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Well yes, but they’re a different breed aren’t they? Not reflective of the expected reaction from a state school.

shuggles · 07/05/2025 22:22

@Sauvin sexual comments from men to women carry a creepiness and threat that simply isn’t there when it’s the other way round.

Why are sexual comments from women not creepy?

Createausernametoday2 · 07/05/2025 22:23

Gotta ask .did you .. sit on his face 🤔 asking for a friend

Eldermillennialmum · 07/05/2025 22:23

Sounds unnecessary

survivalinsufficient · 07/05/2025 22:29

This is an awful thing to have done. As a teacher if I found out there were comments about me like that in a WhatsApp group of school Dad’s I would be mortified, upset and disgusted. It’s no different because you’re a woman and he’s a man.

beenwhereyouare · 07/05/2025 22:30

I doubt the teacher will be amused at what some of your group said. of you said. If dads in a chat said something like that about a female teacher (like "She can sit on my face anytime.") MN would be up in arms.

At field day at the school where I worked, the PE teacher announced which students had earned enough points to turn him into a human fudge sundae. He was in a kiddie pool in swim trunks, and kids threw whipped cream plates at him, then squeezed chocolate syrup over his back and shoulders, and the principal added a cherry on top of his head. Everyone was laughing and cheering, then one of the moms ran her finger down his bicep and licked off the cream. She said "Yummm."

You could've heard a pin drop. No one knew what to say, and some people finally laughed. The PE teacher said something under his breath to her, then asked for a towel. He was angry and felt that she sexually harassed him in front of his students, his co-workers, his boss, and all the parents that were there. Later he said he told her "Don't ever touch me again. I'll call the police if you do."

I felt so sorry for that woman's child. She was beyond embarrassed. Her mother ended up in a discussion with the principal, including the County School Commissioner and the school board's legal adviser. They didn't press charges, but she was banned from all 26 campuses in the system. She missed her child's 5th grade graduation the week after Field Day.

Do people really think things like the what's app comments should be laughed off? Is it different because he's a man? He was treated very disrespectfully, it affected his public image, and in a very public way.