You are not being unfair OP .
I have to agree with others that he always puts himself first ..
before your daughter was born he was already spending every evening on his hobby rather than you .
Now your daughter is there I get the feeling he resents the limitations.
You are mothering your daughter and him and it is breaking you
Therapy won't work if people won't or cannot change .
Your therapist needs to look at BOUNDARY settings with you .
Stop feeling like you are responsible for everything and start having expectations.
Most men I have come across with anger issues have grown up with role models with anger problems and have leaned that anger can get them what they desire. The common plea is that they 'cannot help it '
Angry young men head for the forces to get security and praise for their physical prowess.
He likely has not looked after kids when he grew up so has not got a clue what he should do and is too embarrassed to ask .
He likes watching her ? What . Doesn't he play with her , rin about , get her a football kit and kick a ball with him / go swimming. Sporty things .
Do you and her ever go and watch him at his mysterious hobby. Go for it . Say you want to be more a part of his life . Call his bluff if it's a other woman to caress his ego .
Does anyone outside nursery play with her . Stuff the housework.
Some kids are so fearing missing out that they do not want to go to bed . Mine NEVER wanted to go to bed and was scared of things in the dark .
I saw a programme that says kids at 6 months old are very capable judges of character. If he has shouted or demonstrated anger or frustration with her she will fear him deep down.
Kids are very clever for their own survival . Nursery tots know how to work their adults!!!
My boy leaned how to please daddy . He also learned daddy felt like a good daddy if he made son happy by buying things . Son led a willing daddy to the toy dept every shopping trip from nursery onwards . Son knew how to get daddy to browse Amazon and buy all sorry if things .Dear son was spoiled and I paid for it physically and emotionally. DS still expects expensive things and immediate gratification.
DH just got more and more critical of me . When his son wasn't around he started wanting my attention back .
I got sick of doing 100 %of the work looking after 2 children.
I on e left them together and went on holiday with my near estranged family he didn't like . Deliberately term time so DH only had to look after him in the evening.
When away DH hogged the calls and ds did not get to speak to me . When I arrived back , both were at the door begging me never to go away and leave them again.
I had filled the fridge for 1/2 a week he got takeout the rest . The laundry had not even been washed ( he knew how ) no housework apart from dishes ( dishwasher)
In my job I learned safeguarding and domestic abuse . I heard my life in those lectures ( look at women's aid )
Eventually my life was paralysed by trying to work and look after a primary school child and an overgrown one .
I collected evidence of abuse from womens aid
I took essential bank papers passport and certificates to a safe place out of the house.
Eventually I had nearly enough evidence.
Then he picked an argument and bruised me in from of our son ( who was by then adept at peacekeeping)
My husband was arrested and removed from the house
2 years ago
My son is scared of him. My son is learning not to use his anger as it doesn't get him what he wants.
He also cannot manipulate me anymore.
Dad's often do bedtime with the kids falling asleep on the sofa in front of the TV ( Watch the certificate of the film .. the macho dads think their child can cope with certificate 15 at preschool) then carrying them to bed .
Not every child will willingly go to bed by a certain time.
When she strops after nursery tell her it's not acceptable and given her something other than a screen to do it get her to help mummy.
Are you going to help mum or do you want to go and feed your teddy bear ,/ dolly they are very tired