To think 'not conventionally attractive' means ugly?

[Teapotters]

I've been described as 'not conventionally attractive' at least twice in my life (probably many more times!).

Once by a partner and once by my MIL (before she was my MIL).

Neither relationship were /are negative and I don't believe either we're trying to be mean, just factual.

FWIW I do consider myself ugly, however I have some features that in isolation can be seen as attractive. The combination on my face however does not work pleasingly and I do not look at photographs of myself.

Has anybody ever said this, or thought it, about somebody in any way other than a 'polite' way to just mean ugly?

I take it to mean there is something very attractive about someone but they are not stereotypical what we think of as attractive,

I always thought this phrase had an implied ellipsis...

Like "not conventionally attractive (but none the less attractive)".

Multiple people use this phrase about my neighbour who is extremely hot

Yeah, I think it means attractive but not in an obvious model/movie-star way

The French call it jolie laide and it’s considered a good thing. Oh la la

I mainly see it used about male celebrities, and no, I don’t think it means ugly.

I think people have used it in the past about Adam Driver for example (and he did a vogue shoot so go figure). I agree with @HangingOver. it implies a different look to the norm, but nevertheless attractive. Otherwise the subject is just “not attractive” surely.

I use it to mean someone is very attractive but not in a model type way, as in, not that sort of girl next door, symmetrical features type way.

It's a good thing!

I use this for someone I find really attractive but not in a model kind of way, more of an interesting, striking kind of beauty.

The French have an expression “jolie laide” for this. Literally it means “beautiful ugly” and it’s a compliment.

No I think it means you are attractive just not in the typical Hollywood way.
Ugly is ugly, people don't sugar coat it specially online or children.

No, I would use it specifically for someone who is attractive, but maybe with features that might not be traditionally considered attractive. For example, my MIL described Alan Rickman as not conventionally attractive and I know she thinks he’s gorgeous!

It can be a compliment. It was used about the model Erin O’Connor in her younger days. She was not ‘pretty’ as such, but stunning in an ‘angular’ sort of way, with a great rebellious streak to boot. Def not an insult.

If they weren’t using it as a sort of veiled insult, I don’t know why anyone would say this. Why even comment on someone’s attractiveness at all? Especially if you’re going to say something that could do easily be taken badly.

Girl next door is not a compliment it means plane jane, small village type of pretty.. 'homely'

I would have said someone who is attractive (probably very attractive) but in an unusual way, not like a Barbie. Think Tilda Swinton or someone like Helena Bonham Carter rather than Gigi Hadid.

I can think of many famous people who I see posted on social media as WOW how incredible do they look? and I think, I really don't see what you see. So, you can ugly or stunning.. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone might have said it to mean ugly but it usually is a compliment. Your looks probably divide people and an acquired taste.

It doesn't mean "ugly", no. It means that if someone is so shallow and thoughtless as to judge that beauty/attractiveness only exists on a single scale of hiw closely someone resembles a vanilla hollywood star look (googling top hollywood female actors and the first 3 faces shown are virtually indistinguishable from one another) then the "not conventionally attractive" face does not resemble those and so might be thought "ugly" by someone that shallow. However, there are plenty of other kinds of attractive faces and someone can be attractive in a very unconventional way. I'd expect anyone who uses the phrase "not conventionally attractive" to follow it up with something enthusiastically complimentary e.g "but has the most amazing cheekbones and looks so striking with (insert context) that conventional definitions go out the window..." - if there's no followup compliment like this they can give withoutlying, then using the words "not conventionally attractive" is just rudeness. There is no need for anyone tlo comment on someone else's attractiveness if not to be complimentary.

I think in every generation there is a "look". Think of Marilyn Monroe who was thought of as gorgeous and rightly so, yet nowadays she would be considered too big. Also today there is a rather typical artificial look, with big lips and exaggerated brows. If you have a natural looking face, perhaps it's not beautiful by the conventional way according to our times, but as pp said it is in eye of the beholder. Maybe you have a lovely bone structure that shows in certain turns of the head, maybe you have lovely eyes. There is probably something that you can't see from looking in the mirror.

One example I think of is Andrea Risborough. She is not "conventionally" beautiful, and often plays very plain featured characters, but her face is fascinating to watch, and she can portray beauty as well as plainness.

Ok, well that actually makes me feel a lot better! I've been lightly confused by the comment since hearing it, like PP I've never quite understood why you would say anything about somebody's looks if you don't wish to be complimentary, or perhaps even cruel

It came to mind as I have a newborn who people keep saying looks like me, which I do see and i have been slightly worried about people being cruel to him in future. I do think a boy can carry off these features better however.

Thanks all!

No it doesn’t.

I've always read it to mean not boringly attractive. I would take it as a compliment!

Noooo, I don’t think it means that at all OP!
I might say that about someone I found striking, but striking in a way that isn’t the stereotypical ‘Hollywood beauty’.
I certainly wouldn’t say that about someone I thought was ugly. I’d just call them a pig.

I’ve only ever heard this said in a complimentary way to refer to someone who is strikingly beautiful rather than pretty. I doubt very much you’re “ugly” OP!

Same here- I think of someone like Anjelica Huston as not conventionally attractive.

However, she was a model when young and has what I think is a stunning face. She's just not your usual conventional instagram model type that we have become so used to seeing in the media is all. Hence, she isnt the "conventional" beauty

Definitely not a euphemism for ugly

I’d say it’s Erin O Connor or Karen Elson rather than Claudia Schiffer or Cindy Crawford

in the high fashion world looking conventionally pretty is actually a bit of a no no and considered a bit cheap and tacky whereas a more edgy and interesting look is preferred