To think 'not conventionally attractive' means ugly?

[Teapotters]

I've been described as 'not conventionally attractive' at least twice in my life (probably many more times!).

Once by a partner and once by my MIL (before she was my MIL).

Neither relationship were /are negative and I don't believe either we're trying to be mean, just factual.

FWIW I do consider myself ugly, however I have some features that in isolation can be seen as attractive. The combination on my face however does not work pleasingly and I do not look at photographs of myself.

Has anybody ever said this, or thought it, about somebody in any way other than a 'polite' way to just mean ugly?

I think it means striking in some way. Maybe not 'pretty' but something about the person makes you notice them.

Conventionally attractive is someone who is attractive but not in the obvious way, maybe they have quirky features or are slightly plain looking but their personality elevates them to attractive levels. Of course you get loads of plain people and a small number of people who might be considered as ugly but I wouldn't describe them as not conventionally attractive. I'd describe them as plain or ugly ( obviously I'd keep that to myself). And everyone is attractive to someone.

You would be unreasonable to think that’s what it means.

It just means you will never be cast as a love interest / leading woman/man in a Hollywood movie but still ok.

”Average” if you will.

No, not at all.
I'm sure that your son is absolutely beautiful, the hormones can cause older sensitive thoughts to pop back into your head. Don't worry.

I think it means eye catching but not in the typical Disney prince or princess way. Not the girl next door, but someone unique and interesting.

I always took it to mean attractive but not in a conventional way. But it is a bit of a risky compliment to give someone.

I think it sounds pretty cool actually. Some people are wedded to a very conventional idea of attractive which is “ pretty”. You see these comments online about “ you have to have petite features to have short hair” for example which is bull-shit as far as I’m concerned. I’ve got a strong Roman nose and now I’ve lost weight quite an angular face and I’m certainly not pretty but I’m striking ( and I wear strong angular clothes that suit this look). Quite a few successful models are not pretty.. I’ll try and find one and add some images for you.

(For reference Marilyn Monroe was minuscule. I saw her famous white dress in a big costume exhibition and it was much smaller than the blue gingham dress worn in the Wizard of Oz worn by Judy Garland which was next to it. )

Agree with all the "eye-catching but not Disney-pretty" comments. I always think of Barbra Streisand.

I never thought it meant ugly - but more not fitting the current fashion of pretty and fashions do change with time.

I don't think it's the same as charismatic which is more personality - and is what Cleopatra likely had. Striking I think means they have unique or unusual features or that they dress really well - but again aren't fashionably pretty.

I'm thinking the actress from the Queens Gambit Anya Taylor something.

Not conventionally attractive to me means, attractive, but not in the way that is portrayed by media as standardly attractive. So I actually think this is more of a compliment, ie you are attractive, but not average joe attractive looking like bog standard interchangable model face.
Non conventionally attractive people could be, Helen Mirron, katherine hepburn, meryl streep, cate blanchett, benedict cumberbatch.
It implies your beauty and attractiveness transcends normal beauty standards.

I think it means attractive but not stop the traffic pretty .

Adrien Brody I think of

One positive that comes from not being conventionally attractive (bit weird looking but with amazing eyes) is that it tends to put off shallow men whose ideal is the conventional, stereotypically pretty woman. You still get some wankers but in my experience far fewer than my 'pretty' friends. One ex friend actually asked how I ended up with DP who is conventionally attractive, quite cute and lovely 🙄

I immediately thought of Adam Driver and Barbra Streisand too. Strong distinctive features that might not be described as 'pretty' but very attractive/beautiful.

Disagree - see Tilda Swinton

You admit yourself that you think the combination of your features on your face 'don't work'. And you're not keen on photos of yourself. So you know what you look like. It doesn't mean to say you're ugly.

To me 'conventionally attractive' means people who could look like an AI image of a handsome or attractive person. So quite generic looking. Easy on the eye but not really interesting to look at. The way people in Hollywood all start to look the same because they've all done the same surgeries.

Having a kind, open seeming look and manner and a friendly, honest and funny character is much more important than looking like a catalogue model.

There’s a lot of rubbish on this thread.

Adam driver is repulsively ugly. Yes some women may fancy him but that certainly doesn’t put him in the category of not conventionally attractive unless you are saying that the phrase is a synonym for ugly which people have agreed it is not.

I know someone has covered this already but no Marilyn Monroe was not big - she was tiny.

No, plain Jane and girl next door are not the same at all. A plain Jane is nondescript and bordering on unattractive, a girl next door is pretty but the sort of girl you might see any day walking down the street. Young Kirsten Dunst was the epitome of girl next door (as contrasted with someone like Elisha Dushku in Bring it On).

however I don’t think ‘not conventionally attractive’ is a phrase I would say to anyone as it can very obviously be seen as insulting even if that’s not how it’s meant.

I think Adam Driver has a certain something😃

@Teapotters Sometimes people will call a woman ‘handsome’ and it means striking and beautiful but in an unconventional manner so I doesn’t necessarily think someone calling you not conventionally attractive means ugly. To me it means a face structure or combination of features not frequently seen on the average woman. Eg there’s many women that look very similar to each other they almost become invisible and then occasionally someone will catch your eye because they are much more interesting to look at and sometimes quite mesmerising because they’re are so unique! You see the modelling world much more so now appreciating and capitalising on these differences also ♥️

I agree with this! In fact, I think it’s a compliment!

Agree with this - I’m unusual-looking (not unattractive but with large, striking features) and find it sorts the wheat from the chaff where men are concerned. Embrace it, OP!

I'm as french as a it gets and I have never heard that!

Although, I agree with the fact that being unconventionally attractive doesn't equal ugly at all.

For me, someone like Aime Lou Wood is unconventionally attractive, she has a quirky face, but overall, she IS pretty.
Same with Charlotte Gainsbourg, or her step sister Lou Doillon. Or, if we stay in France, someone like Juliette Armanet. A face with strong features, not necessarily features which are universally seen as beautiful, but with a lot of charm.

For me this is the best kind of attractive.

It means attractive in a striking way not a stereotypical "pretty" way. It often means the person has prominent features or something quirky about them is evident in their demeanor or personal style.

I am considered generally attractive (by others) but I have quite a wonky face and big nose so I would never have won any beauty contests. I can look pretty at some angles and like a witchy hag at others. Oh well, I am happy with my "interesting" face haha. It hasn't held me back.

For me, someone like Aime Lou Wood is unconventionally attractive, she has a quirky face, but overall, she IS pretty.

Yes i definitely agree. At first glance I didn't think she was pretty but she has the sort of distinctive and liveliness that grows on me and now I think she's gorgeous!