To think 'not conventionally attractive' means ugly?

[Teapotters]

I've been described as 'not conventionally attractive' at least twice in my life (probably many more times!).

Once by a partner and once by my MIL (before she was my MIL).

Neither relationship were /are negative and I don't believe either we're trying to be mean, just factual.

FWIW I do consider myself ugly, however I have some features that in isolation can be seen as attractive. The combination on my face however does not work pleasingly and I do not look at photographs of myself.

Has anybody ever said this, or thought it, about somebody in any way other than a 'polite' way to just mean ugly?

I agree. I wouldn't say it to someone.

I take it to means "somebody who attracts people, who's looks are not off-putting if unattractive"

No, I'd say it means average, not ugly.

We were discussing something similar at a party this weekend.

The conversation was how beauty doesn't always equate to attractiveness and sexiness. So you have some people who are clearly beautiful. But they're not at all hot. Then others who have something interesting and cool about them, not with your traditional neat little doll face, but who everyone in the room turns to look at because they're just sexy as all hell.

No it doesn’t mean ugly at all to me - it implies that they are attractive but with an interesting face.

No I don’t think it necessarily means ugly. The term ‘attractive’ encompasses a lot more than what might be considered conventional good looks. Some people are probably considered conventionally nice looking but I don’t consider them attractive.
It’s all very personal of course what each person finds attractive but take someone like Adam Driver. His face might be considered a bit weird, he has a huge nose and slightly odd proportions but I find him really attractive! He has a nice smile, presence, a sexy voice and he’s very charismatic and intelligent looking. I’m sure you can think of people you find attractive but have imperfections, or people who seem perfect but leave you cold.
So no, it definitely doesn’t mean ugly.

No it doesn't there are loads of striking models that are not "conventionally attractive" and they get loads of work.

He definitely does! Previous poster is talking garbage

Current mother in law who is very 'blunt' to say the least!

However she has also described newborn as the most beautiful baby, I appreciate that this is her honest opinion!

These replies are very interesting. I understand the examples of those who are beautiful/attractive in a less conventional way, however this certainly doesn't apply to me!! But I think maybe whilst they weren't saying ik attractive they weren't calling me ugly either, just unusually-featured and not sure how to say it. I think they were missing the phrase.

Funnily my (also fairly blunt) mother referred to my 'plain' period of the ages 12-18ish, but only at the point where she decided I'd 'grown into' my looks. I'd rather receive no comments than these tbh!

I put no value in my own looks, as much as I'd like to be good-looking I genuinely do not care that I am not. I have a wonderful family and life and value my fortune in that area over anything else.

It was just the comments I'm getting about my (beautiful) baby that gave me a slight fear for him.

My DP is not conventionally attractive in that he's short and bald and just ordinary looking, but when he smiles at you...

It definitely doesn't mean ugly. It's a proper compliment but an honest one.

Agree with this

Ex-partner said it in response to a throwaway comment I had made about myself being ugly or looking bad, I can't quite remember. I'll admit I did express hurt at the time, but this caused the partner to double-down defensively and it was never explained.

MIL didn't say it to my face, I was sharing the above story with my current partner who responded 'oh weird, my mum said the same thing' or similar.

I still feel it could mean while someone is not conventionally attractive, they may be conventionally unattractive! However as nobody else has said this it may just be me.

I have experienced being directly called ugly plenty in my formative years so it wouldn't be unusual!

Weirdly, may be because they find you attractive, they feel comfortable enough to say what they said.

I grew up feeling very insecure about certain body parts of mine, but weirdly those that my children have inherited, I absolutely love and it's made me look at myself in a different way.

I also got a lot of that growing up. I understand how stressful it is. You can't exactly change your face, can you?

But straight away from your posts you made me think of a couple of friends of mine. There's just something electric about them, even though I suppose taken individually you wouldn't have those features on a Barbie or something.

I think it's a really good thing to be such a magnet for people with such looks. It's like a beautiful and interesting painting that catches you. Definitely not a bad thing.

Like PPs said Adam Driver. I could look at him for ages. He's very attractive.

I honestly think as long as someone has kind eyes they never look ugly

I have seen what people consider to be ‘conventionally attractive’ looking people look very ugly because of a certain mean / bitchy look in their eyes and faces

Exactly. I think Andi Oliver is incredibly attractive but certainly not conventionally so. In fact a lot of people who would be considered stereotypically attractive I find a bit bland and frankly ‘meh’.

Yes, I definitely see what you mean. You'd absolutely want to go and talk to her, wouldn't you?

Plenty of people are attractive without being conventionally attractive.

I've heard Sarah Jessica Parker being used as an example on here before. SJP looks like a horse. There used to be an entire (rather mean spirited) website dedicated to this fact. SJP is also beautiful. Both of these facts are true at the same time

And conventionally attractive is just that, "convention". What's considered conventionally attractive now isn't the same as what was the case in the 1950s, or 200 years ago.

I think people have different interpretations of the word attractive. Many on here seem to be using it as ‘person who people may be attracted to’ but I would consider it to mean someone who is good looking (not necessarily traditionally pretty or handsome but pleasant to the eye) so someone like anya Taylor joy, cate blanchett or Angelica Huston but not Adam Driver, Shelley Duval or SJP, all of whom have features which are almost universally seen as ugly. Obviously that doesn’t mean that some people don’t fancy them or find them attractive. It’s a matter of taste.

in terms of the OP i guess she will have to take it in the manner in which she believes it was meant. It’s not a problem i will ever have to deal with. A lot of the time i look quite plain and when I’m at my best I am so generic looking that everywhere I go people tell me I look like their friend, sister, hairdresser etc.

She’s a great example of this - not conventionally “pretty” but absolutely gorgeous and has real charisma.

Definitely a compliment and in my opinion it’s better than being conventionally attractive, as you have your own unique look

I've recently said it about someone who was very beautiful but looked nothing like the type of people usually classed as attractive. Quite an alternative look and a larger size but she did have a striking beauty.

No, it doesn’t mean ugly. I have several not conventionally attractive colleagues (both male and female) that I can’t stop staring at on Teams calls.

I don’t find her to be beautiful at all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder though.