To think 'not conventionally attractive' means ugly?

[Teapotters]

I've been described as 'not conventionally attractive' at least twice in my life (probably many more times!).

Once by a partner and once by my MIL (before she was my MIL).

Neither relationship were /are negative and I don't believe either we're trying to be mean, just factual.

FWIW I do consider myself ugly, however I have some features that in isolation can be seen as attractive. The combination on my face however does not work pleasingly and I do not look at photographs of myself.

Has anybody ever said this, or thought it, about somebody in any way other than a 'polite' way to just mean ugly?

I suppose it is down to you to realise their meaning by the way it was delivered. (Bloody rude to say to a person either way)

I don't think Barry Keoghan or James McAvoy would be considered conventionally attractive but I think they are both sexy.

yes Barry Keoghan, I like the unusual lookers

I suppose it is down to you to realise their meaning by the way it was delivered. (Bloody rude to say to a person either way)

I can't image a conversation where this would be said directly to someone's face TBH - in same room as an aside to someone else or behind someone back possibly when talking about them and it getting back to OP is easier to see how that would happen.

If it did come out to someone face I image person saying it would be putting it in context rapidly - that it wasn't an insult.

No. It means exactly what it says - having an appearance that doesn't conform to the conventions and stereotypes for what is considered generically attractive in our society. This applies to some extremely beautiful and unique looking people.

YANBU to think "not conventionally attractive" is a polite(ish) way of calling someone ugly, but there's more nuance to it. Some people are physically ugly (by objectively applying the standards of what the current climate designates as attractive) but attractive people (the "she's got a great personality" type).

I think there needs to be a similar term where the opposite is true, someone is "conventionally attractive" but a hideously unattractive person.

I take girl next door to mean pretty but in a natural normal way like someone you might know rather than hollywood glam. I think it's a compliment.

I'd describe someone as not conventionally attractive in a good way, like it's better to have quirks and differences.

I think that's the point though they are attractive, they're very good looking but not in an average way they have unusual or standout features that take them away from being classically pretty but end up being better looking for it.

There's an old quote: There is no beauty that does not have some strangeness to it.

Strangeness is what separates beauty from prettiness, and makes it memorable. 'Pretty' doesn't require strangeness, so it's a bit bland. How many pretty TV actors are there with nice even features who are entirely forgettable compared to 'unconventionally attractive' features of the gorgeous Anna Taylor Joy or the stunning Cate Blanchett?

People described as 'Unconventionally attractive' are rarely called pretty or handsome, but often called stunning, striking or beautiful. And attractive is in the term!

Remember, you are the most beautiful person in the world to your baby 😄

edit for clarity.

I remember my mum using it about someone whose face she liked but who admittedly wasn't the model type. I wouldn't take it as a simple 'this person is ugly'.

I would take it to mean "striking" as in perhaps strong features or a bit punky. I would say "not conventially attractive" still means attractive, just not in the conventional, cookie-cutter version of beauty that you see in Hollywood or in magazines.

Like PP, I would use this as a compliment – someone I think is attractive but in a much more interesting / unusual way.

Conventionally attractive - Audrey Hepburn
Unconventionally attractive - Lady Gaga

I wouldn't take it to mean so.

In my head conventionally attractive would be Megan Fox/Natalie Portman and unconventionally attractive would be Millie Bobby Brown/Scarlett Johansson.

I guess it might have different meanings for everyone.

Someone has a very striking - and certainly not displeasing appearance. But not … conventionally attractive.

I don't think it automatically equates to ugly but I would 100% find this offensive and I would never say this to someone! Simply because it can be taken the wrong way. I'm always offended when someone tells me I look tired, that does equate to "you look like shit" in my books 🤣

Ellen Barkin, attractive and unusual but not pretty

I agree with this

It's people who are rock star attractive, not movie star attractive

I was thinking of her too. Also Uma Thurman springs to mind.

I think it means attractive but not 'beauty industry standards attractive ' to be fair, a lot of models I think are ugly (not a nice word I know ) almost alien looking or just very very odd looking. But they tick all the right 'beauty standards' boxes (square or angular jaw line. Wide apart eyes , small noses, identical symmetry of eyes/nose/ears/mouth. Good evening teeth. Thin, tall, 'boyish' figure.

There's some men who I find hot hot hot ! Who wouldn't be considered "conventionally attractive" (Martin freeman, David Mitchell) you fall in love with "them" then the physical features are adorable because it's "them". I don't ever look at a beautiful man and fancy them. I don't work like that.

So anyway, I'd take it as a compliment (albeit backhanded delivery!)

I’d think it meant they don’t think you are movie star symmetrical typically attractive but attractive in a different unique way

I totally agree with the first part of your post in that pretty women often look the same. If you open a magazine there are numerous women that a pleasant to look at but no way memorable. Someone who is unconventionally attractive will be more memorable.

I don’t agree however that people who are unconventionally attractive are often called stunning or beautiful, because those two words generally describe the ‘epitome of perfection’ (in the eyes of the beholder) and reserved for what we find the most attractive

I think you’re confusing deep set for close set, lots of people do it about Lana del rey too.

I don't think that at all.

I think it means that there is "something" that makes that person attractive even though they may not look like Angelina Jolie.

For instance, I wouldn't say that Pedro Pascal is ugly but I wouldn't say he was stunning either but plenty of people fancy him. Same with Peaky Blinders guy.

There are plenty of people who look "conventionally attractive" but just aren't fanciable for whatever reason. For instance Timothe Chalanet is pretty but I wouldn't say he was fanciable.

So no, I don't think "not conventionally attractive" automatically means ugly.

A lot of people aren’t conventionally attractive but at the same time attractive

Barbara Streisand
Sarah Jessica Parker
Jay Leno
Tilda Swinton