Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

And when you consider that most people getting married are of an age group where their friends are all getting married too, people may be invited to two or three destination weddings and expensive hens/stag holidays per year. Plus, if they have children, their children won't be invited so they often need to make childcare arrangements for several overnights too. It becomes almost impossible to have any money or time or babysitting opportunites left to have any holidays or nights away of your own choice.

@Dayna87 but it isn’t cheap

Have you been before? I think you may be disappointed. DD said the service and quality had gone downhill. There are many better options and at less cost.

The damage is done
You aren’t reading the room.
The only way to pull this back is to admit to the group that you’ve been a complete bridezilla and you’ve fucked up. Offer to pay for them all and most definitely yourself. They might change their minds if you show a bit of humility.
i sincerely hope this doesn’t overshadow your day.

So you have 2 hen dos 🤔
Fuckin hell what a little madam you are.

My hen do was just me sat on my arse watching shite tv and eating takeaway.

I’d also be really worried about what the organising friend is saying to the ones who don’t want to go, she’s probably laying on the guilt/ emotional blackmail. I’d probably try to speak to a couple of the people who want to pull out myself in the first instance.

Just looked at their gallery, looks like the Blue Marlin is full of wanky 20 somethings with trust funds. Not surprised people twice their age don't want to waste their money or time on it.

Based on the OP’s updates I’m very doubtful this post is real. No one can be that oblivious to the blatantly obvious, not even a bridezilla.

Also if you’re going abroad for the actual wedding why don’t you just have the UK hen and then book a nice restaurant in the same place a night or so beforehand? Much more civilised and affordable than 2 separate trips away.

No but I’ve heard good things, and the beds my friend is looking at have a dedicated waiter for our beds only x

I think the OP has completely forgotten what the point of getting married actually is.

That’s all well and good, as I said before - each to their own. But I want to go to Ibiza x

' But I want to go to Ibiza x '

and that one line says it all...

Sorry but based on feedback from DD and her friends, it’s no longer a great place. DD said the service was poor and grumpy waiters.

We have a home in the South of France - much better beach options.

So you ARE being fully paid for for both hens?!

No wonder you think alls rosy!

We looked at France for our honeymoon, really want to go one day x

Oh yes these people do exist..... me centric, 'I'm a princess, and all my needs MUST be met!!'

But apparently five of your friends now don't.

So what is the point of your hen do exactly?

Is it to celebrate your upcoming marriage with your closest friends?

Or is it to get an ever smaller number of people to pay for you to have a free holiday?

That made me laugh out loud because when I read 'spoons and karaoke' I thought you meant playing the spoons as a form of entertainment like an East End pub in the 1950s.

I was thinking 'okay while I think the OP's expectations might be too high faluting, I do actually draw the line at that as an alternative.

Then I realised you meant the other 'Spoons'. 😂

Actually, I draw the line at that too. But there has to be a happy medium, surely? She could invite a proper good quality mixologist service and a DJ to her country house weekend and it would be fabulous, still be an upmarket affair and no need to have two separate parties for the haves and the have nots.

Just a thought but I'd be a bit uncomfortable in that beach club.
Is it possible anyone has body confidence issues?
I don't think I have personally but I know I just wouldn't fit 'the aesthetic' at either beach club & would definitely give it a swerve.

Sorry this can’t be real 🤣🤣🤣🤣

If they don’t want to go, they don’t want to go. You’ll have to go without them. I’d be worried though that other people will start changing their minds too. In your position I’d speak to the person organising it and ask for honest feedback. Is this solely about cost or are there other reasons behind it? It is annoying to have a plan and then have people changing their minds. But it’s their money and their choice. It depends how you all value each others friendships. Presumably from your pov those no longer wishing to attend are letting you down and not valuing the friendship has made you not want them involved in the wedding at all. From their pov it could be that the hen do is more expensive/hassle than it is worth - to them - and if saying no to an expensive trip means the friendship is over, then perhaps to them you don’t value their friendship all that much either. Or there could be other reasons behind why suddenly they don’t want to go. You won’t know without some frank discussions. But overall, is your need for people to go to Ibiza worth this amount of awkward and potentially friendship ending angst? I wouldn’t rush in to any hasty decisions. Two hen do’s does come across as rather self grandizing to a lot of people. Focus on the wedding. The hen do will be long forgotten in years to come, trust me.

OP. As a pp said, read the room.

Not all issues in life can be solved by throwing money at them. Your fiance paying for the beds after your tantrum, will not solve the core issue here.

Are you listening to anyone??

Then go on your own and pay for yourself or with friends who also want to go! Clearly a decent number if your friends are not keen so you have to either re-think your plans or accept that they won’t be there.

If you fear and guilt them into it, I can guarantee you’ll have a shitty weekend with a drunken row on the first evening and downhill from there…

Oh wow - off topic but that hotel was where I went for my first ever holiday abroad without parents. I had a blast. It was 1988 though so probably a bit different now