Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

Noone said it so I will.

You're coming across as a Bridezilla @Dayna87

They're your friends - yes they should have let you know but they're friends so take a chill pill. It's a shame you can't review the plans so they could afford to come.

I seriously dont get the destination hen and stag dos there are so many great places in the UK...

But the price has gone up to include the tacky beach club. Probably the straw that broke the camels back

”Henzilla” has landed. Watch out! And she wants overpriced beds at a beach club with a bottle of GreyGoose. Or else.

Yes they’re like double sunbeds!

This is ridiculous. Two hen dos. You sound spoilt and entitled. Amazed your friends put up with this nonsense.

I agree with this, best to have an affordable hen party that works for everyone’s budget. Maybe at later date you and friends who want to can just have a girls hol abroad ? Don’t cancel wedding invites, you may regret it if you do.

They have paid to attend the wedding which is separate and another overseas trip.

They were told a price but then this beach club was added which sounds like quite a substantial amount.

I never want to believe posts like this are real, and they’re just here for a bit of clicks outrage fun.

I don’t want to believe people exist who make their friends fork out £1ks they don’t have, and when they say they don’t have it, disinvite them to a holiday.

Crikey if you’re this rude in real life no wonder people don’t want to go! 9 out of 14 are still going so that fits the definition of “most” I’d say.

You are expecting a lot of your friends OP - an abroad hen and an abroad wedding. Sorry but you’re being a Bridezilla expecting people to go abroad twice in your honour. It’s a lot of time and a lot of money to commit.

You still have 9 friends who can hopefully make it. That's a good number. Your wedding seems to be very expensive for attendees. Maybe they looked at how much the cost to fly to your wedding, plus the hen do, plus other things were going to add up to and their jaw dropped? I'd take it at face value - they can't afford it - and invite them to the wedding.

When I got married I rocked up to the church on the day, had a lovely lunch with everyone and that was that. Weddings have got crazy now.

I had my hen do in a very nice restaurant locally, though we had several bottles of prosecco.
Friends, nice food, good chat, not expensive..perfect.

Honestly. As a slightly older woman, I’m bloody baffled at the fucking rank entitlement of so so bloody many brides.

• there is a cost of living crisis
• people have only so much annual leave
• weddings are so expensive
~ gifts
~ outfits
~childcare
~hotels or taxis
~mean no family or relationship holiday.

and brides want to add on expensive hen do’s abroad
and no doubt groom has a stag abroad.

a wedding can cost an ordinary couple over a grand.

entitled much. FFS cop on to yourself. Or you will have zero friends.

youre a bridezilla with no consideration of your friends financial situations

To the posters above, op said nobody is going to both parties.

To op, I think the cost is more than 50 pounds pp, you're underestimating that. I believe there's bed rental plus a min spend totaling 1200 euros for 8 people on 2 4 seater beds. (Going by a quick search. Sundays more)

Those are the best weddings. Two or three hours, job done.

Back when bride and groom were excited to be dashing away together instead of so bored with one another they’ll outlast everyone else until the final dregs of the party .

There was an electricity to that sort of wedding.

Ok, I guess you get the bed rental back once the min spend is met? Still a bit expensive.

Why don't you do the kind thing and pay for them to attend this event? If you want people to travel and eat and drink and stay in accomodation etc the correct thing would be for you to pay for at least say flights, accomodation and the evening meals. Then they would just pick up their tab for breakfast (if not included) lunch and a few drinks?

I pulled out of a hen do like this. It was an abroad one and the costs kept creeping up and up with each new plan. I think I even did a thread on here albeit under a different user name. I bit the bullet and cancelled and a few other people did the same, they had obviously been waiting for someone else to be brave enough. It’s insane the amount of money some people expect their friends to spend on hen dos, assuming you’d then expect a wedding gift / money (if you don’t uninvite them) not to mention all the general expense that comes with attending a wedding.

lol, OP wasn’t even intending on contributing for herself, let alone the others.

Social media has a lot to answer for, IMO. There’s still plenty going, but people want the beachclub bed shot crowded by all the girls, and the insta-worthy accommodation and the crowd to film plenty content for the insta-reels.

Just have the UK hen and see if anyone wants to come with you abroad for a pre wedding relaxation break

You’d be doing them the biggest of favours by telling them they can’t come to the wedding.

Don't try and make your friends pay for an expensive long hen do abroad. No one admits it to the bride but 90% of people do not want to give up their money or time for this.

Plan a meal or activity and a night out. Try to limit accomodation costs by doing it near where you all live so that you can keep costs under £150 each.

However, the friends who are pulling out are high earners and to be honest, haven’t exactly felt the impact of the cost of living crisis

What they earn is not the point. They don't have to want to spend their money or annual leave on this. I'm a high earner and have always said flat no on massive hen dos. It might seem like the "done thing" because everyone tends to get dragged along by the 2 or 3 noisy girls who love this but most people groan in dismay when they see long/abroad hen dos and weddings.

Personally I find abroad hen dos ridoculous and Id not go on one either.....so expensive!!