Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

YABU. Unless you are in a circle of very wealthy people, it is a lot to expect friends to spend their disposable income on a short abroad holiday for you. Most of us struggle to have holidays with our families, and perhaps on reflection and with the ‘extra bit’ of money plus factoring in spending money etc they realised this was no longer workable. I also think five people saying this indicates a bit of a not so subtle message that costs have got out of hand and you need to rethink plans.

My thoughts exactly 💯
Thank god I'm well past all that!

I must be very out of touch. I dont get this, how do 10 people share 3 beds? Are these sunbeds or super king size beds?

And O Beach is hideous and tacky. Don’t go there!

Blue Marlin is lovely. As is Cala Bassa.

Blue Marlin has loads of bad trip advisor reviews

It's not fresh.

It's a decade out of fashion. And even when it was, it was where the Marbs huns congregated.

You'll find the z-listers there, think two seasons ago Love Island types, Towie extras...

After the first few hen do’s I had to endure in my early 20’s, I vowed never to even contemplate going on any more. Dreadful things. And always a firm no from me. I didn’t even have one when I got married.
But I’ve been overjoyed at many friend’s weddings, where the hen do is a distant memory and, quite frankly, no-one really cares about them.
Honestly, OP, get a grip pet.

Yes. Tacky and overpriced. Style over substance it seems. There is so much nicer stuff to do on that budget. But ofc everyone has different tastes!

Last sentence is a blatant lie. All Dayna8x and 7x are available even now except for yours.

When OP says all her friends can afford it, maybe they don't want to spend on a gaggle of women in Ibiza along with all the other hen parties.

Probably cost less to go to Cape Town, drinks and eating is cheap and good quality. That, I would spend on.

And if they are “mainly career women” they are also likely to have a limited amount of annual leave that OP is expecting them to use on 3 separate events. Absolute self absorbed madness.

OP are you sure your friends want to do this? Maybe they have outgrown this kind of thing now. Why not use the generous budget for example go to a hotel/bar in the hilltops in Deia, Majorca? Maybe the tackiness of the theme doesn’t appeal any more and that’s why they have pulled out?

It might be worth getting back to basics and see what does everyone actually wants to do? so everyone engages.

My wedding and my hen (meal out in London) were all about making sure that the people I liked could attend. What I actually did on the day did not matter. For me, it was all about the people.

OP, I do actually feel bad for you. Your trip has gone wrong and you must be feeling hurt, disappointed and possibly embarrassed.

Take a deep breath and rethink your plans perhaps. Instead of trying to work out who to blame and why, why not start again? Get an idea of what everybody wants to do and what budget suits and change plans if you can. I would much rather do that than lose a group of my hen party. Just a thought. I think perhaps some reflection might help.

It’s pretty bridezilla of you

my hen I just wanted a few hours with those who I love the most. Where and when was no big deal at all

my wedding was the same though….🤷‍♀️

Are we saying abroad holiday not foreign holiday now?

That you know of…..

Don’t get it either unless they are bringing blow up beds or something

I said because the OP said it, but I agree it's daft. 😂

Ha ha ha, I thought it sounded like a crock of shit when she said it

#wellplayedpoirot

The more I think about it, the more I think that it is not just about money. I think some of these women have outgrown this kind of tacky hen which is sounding like the wealthier version of stumbling around with feather boas on Brighton Pier.
An open discussion could help.

Grow up. Honestly don't understand why does ott hen things.... Go out for a meal at a restaurant in your local town..I choose ask, my sister choose similar...lots of laughter with friends we grew up with and just the cost of the meal .. everyone paid for themselves...got amazing memories and photos and no silly stuff either ..just friends having a meal

DD had a high end wedding last year…however we decided to stay in the UK for the hen. Went to an UK city and had a fab weekend. Don’t get the whole going overseas hen weekend thing. It puts unreasonable financial demands on people when they are already going to the wedding.
Not surprised people are pulling out.
YABVU

Hen parties, especially abroad ones, are my worst nightmare. Costs are always OTT and always get higher no matter what you've been told, there's always people complaining and it's a battle to keep everyone happy. They probably agreed initially and now are realising how expensive it's gotten and looking for a way out. Or else it's turning into something that's really not their thing (in which case absolutely shouldn't have agreed to go in the first place).
Personally, I would speak to them before you do anything you might regret. Let them know you're disappointed that they haven't spoken to you directly and could they let you know why they aren't up for it anymore/what's changed as you had been excited for them to be there. Make your decision thereafter, but I do think not having them at the wedding is harsh.

And divided by 14 that's just over £170 each - that's considerably more than £50 / a wee bit extra

I know it's fairly common now, but requesting an abroad hen then expecting everyone to cover the cost of your share is the height of cheeky fucker entitlement. If you want that, do the decent thing and pay for your share and maybe book the beach club as a thank you to your guests for using their annual leave and hard earned cash to celebrate you.